Daily Clean Jokes for March 28, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for March 28, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? Kirk's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? Puns are quite universal; it's true. They're not targeted for just a few. ????????????Puns are told near and far ????????????'Round the world 'cause they are Meant for children and for?groan-ups,?too. ? Conrad, Bill, Erika, Chris got it. ? Kirk Miller ? ----- Puns Kirk is playing a game of catch-up with his love interest, using various idioms and physical gestures to express his affection, while also considering a practical joke. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:? ? I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. · Groucho Marx I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. · Will Rogers.? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liner:? ?You are so poor when you saw the garbage truck pass you took a shopping list with. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Puns of the Day:? Food for ThoughtEver heard of this one? "I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough." It's not just a clever play on words, it's also a subtle commentary on our motivations in life. We often do jobs not because we love them, but because we 'knead the dough.' It's a lighthearted way to reflect on our choices and priorities.? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? A Frog "Funny" Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. ? Received from Mikey’s Funnies. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ?  Tim Allen QuotesReal men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together. Received from Wayne Onaka. ?via GCFL. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Mouse yells “BARK!”?Joke submitted by William E., Morganton, N.C. A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away.? “See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”? ? ?Received from Da Mouse Tracks. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? "You know what you get when you play country music backward?" "You get your dog back, your pickup truck back, your wife comes back, and you stay sober!" ? Received from Phyllis Ingram ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? On the Lighter Side? ? Some of the best cheese jokes ... they're Gouda. ?What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?? Nacho cheese. (one of many variants on the Nacho cheese joke) What’s a Pirates favourite cheese?? Chedd-AAR. There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France… all that was left was de brie. What do cheese salesmen say?? That cheese may be?, but this one is Feta! What music does cheese listen to?? R &?. Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone?? Because the Roquefort back. When can’t you see a cheese?? When it’s pasteurised.. When should you go on a cheese diet?? If you need to cheddar a few pounds. Why does cheese look sane?? Because everything else on the plate is crackers. What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?? Looking Gouda… ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ?Two snowmans are chillin' in the ice fields, the first one says 'You smell that?' Second one takes a whiff 'Smells like carrots!'. ? ?It's like 2 muffins are in the microwave. The first one says "Wow, it is getting hot in here." The second one says "Oh my God! A talking muffin!" ?One cow says to another 'are you worried about this mad cow disease?' The other cow says 'Why should this bother me? I'm a truck!'. Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says,"Gosh, it's hot in here!". The other muffin says, "Aaaah! A talking muffin!". ? Received from Reddit Clean. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? A genie granted me one wish, so I said, "I just want to be happy."
----- I arrived early to the restaurant and the manager asked, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" ----- Thought Of The Day:??If You Can't Be Kind “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” -- Judith Martin ? Received from aJokeADay.com. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest. ----- The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene. ----- The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene. ----- 1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ By Michael Roizen, M.D. and Mehmet Oz, M.D. As we wait for a breakthrough that can block or reverse Alzheimer's disease, there is some consolation that we finally have three kinds of medications and a treatment that can damp down or slow the progression of symptoms -- cholinesterase inhibitors, memantine, and a monoclonal antibody, lecanemab. ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ More Stuff, More Stress
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WASHINGTON ()—Negotiations over Ukraine appeared to stall on Friday after Russian President Vladimir Putin kept Donald Trump on hold for 45 minutes listening to balalaika music.
According to White House sources, Trump consumed 18 cans of Diet Coke during the lengthy musical interlude.
Although the Russian president never picked up his call, Trump took to Truth Social to declare it a “perfect phone call.”
“President Putin honored me by ordering his Russian banjo players to sarrinade (sic) me for ALMOST AN HOUR!” Trump wrote. “He never would have done that for Sleepy Joe!”?
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| - March 21, 2025?- DEAR ABBY: My husband puts everyone first before me. An example: We were invited to his aunt Diana's 50th wedding anniversary. His father was their best man but couldn't make it due to illness. So, at the last minute, my husband was asked to sit at the head table with his aunt and her husband. I was not invited to do that, and my husband didn't ask if I could sit with them. The room was full and there were no other seats for me, so the event coordinator set up a table for me in the hall, by myself, next to the washrooms. The only time I saw anyone was when they used the facilities. My husband came to use the washroom and asked me if I wanted anything. I told him I'd like a drink, but he didn't come back until he needed to use the washroom again. I told him to take me home and he could return to the event. It was a 15-minute drive. When I talked to him the next day and explained how hurt and embarrassed I was, he thought it was selfish on my part since it was such a special event for his aunt Diana. I was supportive of him taking par t, but if it had been the reverse, I would have ensured he was seated at the main table, or at least close by. What are your thoughts? -- CAST OUT IN FLORIDA DEAR CAST OUT: What happened at your husband's aunt's anniversary celebration was an embarrassment for everybody. If you and your husband were invited as a couple, there should have been an assigned seat for you at one of the tables. You should not have been seated alone next to a bathroom. The event coordinator has plenty to apologize for, and so does your thoughtless, self-centered husband. Under the circumstances, your hurt feelings are understandable. You owe no one an apology for feeling rightfully offended. DEAR ABBY: Am I a crank, or is it OK these days for waiters to become involved in diners' conversations and actually take over the conversation? At dinner last night, our waiter interrupted us three times and stayed at our table for more than five minutes taking over our conversation. It had nothing to do with the restaurant or our food -- it was about his travels and all the countries he's been to and worked in. The last time he interrupted, we had finished eating and were talking. He talked for about 10 minutes. When he finally stopped to take a breath, I quickly said, "Well, let's get going!" It wasn't late and the restaurant was more than half empty. I had given him a 50% tip because it was a holiday, but after I thought about the intrusive service, I was sorry I did it. Any suggestions? -- BACK OFF OR YOUR TIP WILL SUFFER DEAR BACK OFF: Many people would have enjoyed that server's sharing. However, because you didn't, when his patter became intrusive, you should have politely said, "Excuse me, we are trying to have a private conversation. Could you please take our order?" (That you tipped so generously would have softened the blow.) |
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Give?us a sense of humor,?
Give us the grace to see a joke, ?
To?get some humor out of life, ?
and pass it on to other folk? ...??
Have a great?day?unless you have other plans.
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Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.?
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