Daily Clean Jokes for March 24, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for? March 24, 2025? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ?? ? "From his office, my dentist has been On vacation," I said with a grin. ????????????"So my cavity's not ????????????Fixed by him, who I sought, But by someone who's?just?filling?in." ? Conrad, Jim, Bill, Carol, Dickhead, Grover, Chris got it. ? -----? ? ? ? Kirk Miller ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:?I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.??Then it's time for my nap.?-- Bob Hope ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liners:? ? How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring. Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.? I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.? The 80s were great because I didn't have to look at your selfies. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Puns of the Day:? ? A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum? ………………….? and coke.” The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?” The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.” ----- I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s OK because I can stop at any time. ----- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. ----- Did you know deer can jump higher than the average house? It’s because of their strong hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Child sent to bed
"WHAT??!!"
? -----? ? Guests for dinner There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!" ----- Things mom taught me ... My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"? My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOUR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home." My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it when we get home." And, my all-time favourite - JUSTICE..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like!" Received from Da Mouse Tracks. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ?? On the Lighter Side? ? In German Prisoner-of-War camps, escapes were a major problem, so they would try to break the prisoners’ spirits by making them do mindless things. In particular, they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, ‘tick tock tick tock.’ Some prisoners, unable to escape or otherwise change their situation, chose a very subtle rebellion. They would do the head motions, but instead of ‘tick tock tick tock’, they would wait until the guards were further down the line and switch to ‘tick tick tick.’ None of the guards noticed this was going on for many months, until finally, a young lieutenant was caught ticking by a senior SS Captain walking behind the line. The captain stopped the exercise, walked over, face-to-face with the young man, and “A rebel. Vell, don’t vorry, ve have vays of making you tock.’_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? If a King sleeps on a king mattress, and a Queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a Prince sleep on?An heir mattress And his younger brother sleeps on the spare mattress.? ? Received from Reddit Clean. ? ________________________________________ ? ?
Received from aJokeADay.com. ? ____________________________________________________________
Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my friend I feel she needs a mental health evaluation? She has been my closest friend for 20 years, and we have been through many trials together. She has been married for a couple of years to a man who seems very nice. Abby, she is convinced that she's being followed, but doesn't know by whom or why. She tells me about terrible arguments she has with her husband because she thinks he orchestrated situations in public places. For instance, she claims he seats himself in a position to look at other women. The poor man is blind in one eye and has limited vision in the other. She also believes his ex-wife flirts with him and he is probably cheating with her, although they have been divorced for 20 years. She resents his contact with his grandkids and his family because of it. I should add that her mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's at around her age. It's heartbreaking to watch. I have mentioned it numerous times, as well as suggesting she speak to a pastor (she thinks the church may be in on it) or a therapist, but she tends to dodge it. If I try to contact her husband, she will start to think I'm a traitor. I don't know how to help. Please advise. -- TRAINWRECK IN ARIZONA DEAR TRAINWRECK: From your description of your friend's paranoid and irrational behavior, she appears to be sick. Because neither you nor I are qualified to diagnose what has gone wrong with her, she needs to be evaluated by a doctor. It would not be betraying her to discuss this with her beleaguered husband, who may be at a loss about how to deal with her behavior. Rather than a betrayal, seeing that she gets help would be a tremendous favor. DEAR ABBY: I am a "young" senior citizen (age 90). People sometimes think I'm in my early 60s because I look and act it. I have been widowed three times by women younger than I. I recently met a woman I'm very attracted to. I think the feeling may be mutual. We have a lot in common. The first time we talked on the phone, the conversation lasted more than three hours. Last evening, I learned while talking on the phone with her that I'm older than her mother by one year. Would you advise me to "back off"? -- JUST A NUMBER IN COLORADO DEAR JUST A NUMBER: If this woman's mother is 89, she probably had her daughter between the ages of 20 and 30. This would make the woman to whom you are attracted between 59 and 69. I see no reason for you to "back off" or obscure your age. Because the two of you have a lot in common, enjoy the relationship. (If she's brave enough to be with you after you have killed off three younger women, more power to her!) ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ?
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