Daily Clean Jokes for March 22, 2025
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ADaily Clean Jokes for March 22, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ?? ? "When insomnia strikes, it sure bites," Said King Arthur's court members.??Their plights ????????????Were quite far from the best, ????????????And as you might have guessed, Were resulting in some?sleepless?knights. ? Lee, Erika, Chris, Conrad, Carol, Jim, Dick, Lars got it. ----- Mom and dad, please do not be errant. Teach your kids; that should be inherent. ????????????You readily should see ????????????Responsibility Falls on you.??It is just?apparent.
?? Kirk Miller? ? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Pun Number One: A Twist on a ClassicRemember the old joke, "Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!" Now, let's give it a twist. "Why was the math book also happy? Because it had solutions to all its problems!" This pun not only gives you a chuckle, but it also reminds us that every problem comes with a solution. Or, in other words, there's always a silver lining in every situation. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Quote of the Day:?? "In adversity we tend to doubt God's fatherly care, but in prosperity we tend to forget it. If we are to trust God, we must acknowledge our dependence upon him at all times, good times as well as bad times." -- Jeff Bridges _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? Today's One-Liner:? ? My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.? I asked her, "How small?" She replied, "Just you, me, and the principal." ----- ? ?Murphy's Laws on Computers - As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it. - Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one. - You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all. - The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up. - There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet. - Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it. ?----- Unforgettable Grandma I still have my late grandmother in my contacts. We shouldn't have scattered her ashes on such a windy day. Received from Pastor Tim's Cybersalt Digest. ----- Helping the Lost A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home." Only in games and tests can we delay helping the lost. ? ?Received from Featured Illustrations.? These are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a speech.? Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic; the point of them is the point you make with them. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Nun Runs Amok!? Doctor's Cure is Hilariously?Unorthodox! ? A nun stepped out of the doctor's office, saying her rosary rather loudly as she hurried down the hospital corridor. Another doctor witnessed this, and went to ask her doctor about it. "Hey, what happened?? The nun ran out of her praying her rosary as though it were the end of the world!" "Oh, I just told her she was pregnant." The first doctor replied. "Oh my!? Is she?" "No, but it sure cured her hiccups!" Received from Pearly Gates. ? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? On the Lighter Side? ? I've got a knock-knock joke for you, but you have to start it. ----- ? All the passengers are seated on a plane out on the tarmac and the stewardess announces "we're just waiting for the pilots.". The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke. The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers. The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it's takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the end of the runway. The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway. The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves. In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says "you know, one day those people are gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die!" ----- What do you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go for the juggler. ? Received from Reddit Clean. ? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
?----- Thought Of The Day: Dreaming Is the Beginning "Dreaming is the beginning of getting what you want." ? Received from aJokeADay.com. ? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." ----- - Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa" ----- What do you call a witch who drives really badly? ----- Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ By Michael Roizen, M.D.? If your latest blood test showed you have healthy levels of lousy LDL cholesterol -- hold off on celebrating for a bit. Standard tests for LDL levels don't assess very low-density lipoproteins (VLDL) and intermediate-density lipoproteins (IDL) -- both of which can raise your heart disease risk. And a study in JAMA Cardiology found that while your LDL levels seem healthy, you can still have high levels of undetected VLDL and IDL cholesterol. ----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- Kevin Hart talks about having three sold out shows at Radio City Music Hall, creating Lil Kev to be a love letter to growing up in Philadelphia and not remembering anything after going day drinking with Seth before redeeming himself by playing the day drinking slot machine. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Give?us a sense of humor,? Give us the grace to see a joke, ? To?get some humor out of life, ? and pass it on to other folk? ...?? Have a great?day?unless you have other plans. ? Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.? Our New Groups Email Addresses ? Post:?mailto:[email protected] ? Subscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Unsubscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Group Owner:?mailto:[email protected] ? Help:?mailto:[email protected] ? PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send these jokes to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!?? ?? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ? |