Daily Clean Jokes for March 21, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for March 21, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? Kirk's Limerick ?? Turnpike drivers received email poll. My response was quite true, rather droll. ????????????I said everyone sees ????????????Your exorbitant fees Are so high they are?taking?a?toll. ? Jim, Carol, Conrad, Dick, Chris got it. ----- There's a handyman, name is Rocky, Who fills houses' small gaps in Milwaukee ????????????Using sealant.??He's bold ????????????And conceited.??I'm told That his attitude is?real?caulky. ? Jim, Conrad, Lars, Dick, Bill, Chris got it. Kirk Miller -----?? Kirk's Puns We were going on a hike in Virginia, and could hike along a trail where General Robert E. Lee spread his troops to stop a Yankee invasion, or around a lake in which Thomas Jefferson once swam.??We decided to take the path of Lee's resistance. ? In ancient Rome, workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour.??Anything, that is, except smoked salmon.??That was the world's first anti-lox breaks. ? It is 2019 and Romeo Beckham is turning out to play for Manchester United for the first time.??He says to his dad, "What number should I wear?"??David thinks for a while, then says, "Wear 4 out there, Romeo." ? I reached into my back pocket for a chaw of tobacco and discovered my can was missing.??I suppose it's possible I lost the dang thing, but I couldn't help suspecting I'd been the victim of some kind of Skoal duggery. ? The college professor who was involved in a terrible car wreck was grading papers on a curve.? ? ----- Real Women ----- Just Add Water ? Kirk Miller ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:? Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. -- Ann Landers ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liners:? ? ? ??Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.? ? ? ?*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*?
Some people are kind, polite, and?sweet-spirited? Until you try to sit in their pews.??? *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*? Many folks want to serve God,???? But only as advisers.??? ??*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*? It is easier to preach ten sermons??? Than it is to live one.? ? Received from Tom Kick. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ?A Salute Funny The first salute received by a freshly commissioned Second Lieutenant is always significant. It's symbolizes authority and prestige. ? Received from Mikey’s Funnies. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ?Set for Life A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, he suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money." -----  Political Quotes"I resent your insinuendoes." ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? ? ?Terry Lynn had to finally replace her aging van.? She explained to her granddaughter who is six that she was going to limit the eating, drinking and definitely no smoking in the new car because she wanted to keep that "New Car Smell" as long as she could. TerryAnn picked her up from school the other day and could tell she was not feeling all that well.? As she was buckling up in her car seat she accidentally passed gas.? Before TerryAnn could even correct her or get an "oops" or "sorry," she announced from the back seat, "Well, there goes the new car smell." ? ----- ? ? ? ?My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.? An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!" ? ?"Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l." ? ? Received from Da Mouse Tracks. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? On the Lighter Side? ? A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. The librarian says, "this is a library." The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips." ? ?----- What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? It's irrelevant! ? Received from Reddit Clean. ? ________________________________________ ? ? "I have traveled just about all over the world." ----- Five year old Frankie's parents bought him some new shoes. It had been raining so they told Frankie, "You can't walk in mud puddles with your new shoes." ----- Thought Of The Day: Follow Your Bliss “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” ? Received from aJokeADay.com. ? ____________________________________________________________ The first morning after the honeymoon, the husband got up early, went down to the kitchen, and brought his wife her breakfast in bed. Naturally, she was delighted. ----- Why did the tadpole feel lonely? ----- What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. ----- This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder. ----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- Jennifer talks about not being on the season three of “The White Lotus,” her character dying in the last season, living in New Orleans, what it’s like being there during Mardi Gras, growing up in Boston, drinking alcohol in high school, her new movie Riff Raff, being nervous to fondle Ed Harris, Bill Murray giving her a hard time, and being in the new Minecraft movie. Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ? ______________________________________
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DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about my daughter. She's in a nice relationship, which seems good. They have two beautiful sons, ages 4 and 2, good jobs, a nice home and nice families who show a lot of support. We are always there for one another. My concern is that my daughter's partner will not move forward with an engagement and proposal of marriage. A few years ago, I mentioned marriage to him, and he answered, "Soon." His parents also said the time will be coming soon. I heard from someone that he said there has been a lot of divorce in his family, and that's what is holding him back. I feel for my daughter. While her sister and cousins are getting married, she is sitting idle. I don't really know how she is feeling because I try not to butt in, but this is hurting my wife and me, and possibly her. Should I say something again or stay out of it? She would be a beautiful and happy bride. -- EMPATHETIC DAD IN ILLINOIS DEAR DAD: Sorry to be a grump, but it's time to think realistically. There is a lot more to this than what a beautiful and happy bride your daughter would make. Has she considered what would happen to her and the children if something unforeseen happened to her partner? Who would be legally empowered to make medical and financial decisions for him? Her? His parents? Has he considered what the outcome of his stalling could be, two children later? Talk with your daughter and make sure she understands the implications of what's going on. Yes, she and her partner are happy. Bless them for that. But it's possible neither of them is thinking pragmatically and, for the sake of her and the children, that should change. DEAR ABBY: My wife died five years ago. I waited for four years before getting back in the dating scene. My girlfriend was divorced six years ago. Her ex-husband lives in a different state. She refuses to tell him about our relationship because she says she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Her ex calls and texts her all the time. I like her a lot, and our relationship has been great in every way. I just can't get over her not telling him. I have talked to her about this, but she refuses to tell him. Should I be worried about this? -- EX ISSUE IN MICHIGAN DEAR EX ISSUE: I think so. This woman may be legally divorced from her husband but is not emotionally, which may be why she's reluctant to tell him. She may also be less invested in your relationship than you are. Ask her whether she would want to know if her ex met someone and started a relationship. Then ask the reverse question because, if you are serious about her, the current situation is unfair to you. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ |
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Give?us a sense of humor,?
Give us the grace to see a joke, ?
To?get some humor out of life, ?
and pass it on to other folk? ...??
Have a great?day?unless you have other plans.
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Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.?
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