Kirk's Limerick
He played cards New Year's Eve; didn't win,
But his face always wore a big grin,
????????????'Cause he drank like a fish.
????????????And he got his one wish,
Which was playing a game?he?called?Gin!
?
Lee, Dick, Chris got it.
Kirk Miller
Don't settle for the world as it is.? Work for the world as it should be.
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He decided to concentrate lesson history and moron himself.
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I took pictures of a wheat field and wanted to put them in a round frame.??I had to crop circles.
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I once went to a party dressed as a skeleton, but there was no body to dance with.??A policeman was there who accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict.??That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.??A girl and her boyfriend went to the party dressed as a barcode.??They were an item.
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Did you hear about the old man whose birthday one year lasted only one minute?
It was his sixty-second birthday.
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A child comes home from his first day at school.
His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."
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Thought Of The Day:??Love At First Sight
¡°My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.¡±
- Halley Reed from ¡°Crimes and Misdemeanors¡±?
Received from aJokeADay.
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"A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him." -- Jimmy Fallon
"A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -- Jimmy Kimmel
"Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -- Seth Meyers
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A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral.
"No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral.
"You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it."
"I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied.
By now I the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?"
"I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town."
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*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"
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Q and A QuickiesQ: What did Neptune say to Saturn?
A: Give me a ring sometime!
Q: Why did the stoplight turn red?
A: Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street?
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It's A Two Cow Joke
Two cows were standing next to each other in a field.Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
Daisy exclaimed, "It's true, no bull!"
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More Q and A QuickiesQ: What do you call a traveling flea?
A: An itch hiker.
Q: Why should you not trust the ocean?
A: Because there is something fishy about it.
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As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.?
One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. "If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"
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