WASHINGTON, D.C. — The senate was forced to delay further confirmation votes for Trump's cabinet this week, clarifying that all votes would go ahead as planned once Mitch McConnell unfreezes again.
McConnell, who serves as the Senate Majority Whip in Congress, has frozen a number of times while delivering public statements, leading to widespread concern that he was not up to the job and should step down. But instead of doing that, he has soldiered on only to freeze again and disrupt the entire cabinet confirmation process.
"What a hero," said Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer. "He's always been an inspiration to me. It gives me hope that I can still be serving when I'm 140 years old and bedridden."
Not everyone in Congress feels the same way. Senators Rand Paul and Ted Cruz, in particular, have spoken up about McConnell's infirmities and noted they don't even need him for every vote. But Schumer says Republicans need to relax and wait. "So the worst that could happen is we interfere with Trump's work and prevent him from implementing policies in other government departments. That sounds like a win in my book," said Schumer.
At publishing time, Mitch McConnell had been put in a display case to greet visitors at the National Archives until such time as he reawakens.
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The Burger King Calls On Senators To Vote Against RFK Jr.
·Feb 7, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
BURGER KING CASTLE — The Burger King issued an edict from his throne this week and urged senators to vote against confirming Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Secretary of Health and Human Services.
"Countrymen! Hear me, hear me!" the Burger King declared. "I beseech you from the bottom of my buns to throw off your vote and vanquish this hater of our kingdom to the outer realms of our fair land. Please, don't let this char-grilled charlatan usurp power from our burger-loving brethren. Vote nay!"
The Burger King also released a flurry of statements on X, most of them written in emojis using the fries, burger, and frowny-face icons.
"I watched his confirmation hearing," the Burger King continued. "I don't understand what his beef is with our company. There was not one nugget of truth to his scurrilous claims. Everything that came out of his mouth was one whopper after another. He must be rejected!"
Kennedy defended his nomination and asked the Burger King to please reconsider his position.
"I love a good french fry. Just cook them in beef tallow," Kennedy responded. "And use real meat and whole foods in your products. And please stop sending swarms of these enchanted flying pickles to my house… how are these things even real?"
At publishing time, the Burger King had descended from his burger castle to resume his decades-long military campaign against Ronald McDonald and the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
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Kirk Miller's True News
Every Kid Wants to Be a Firefighter:?A Los Angeles P.D. officer patrolling California’s Palisades Fire evacuation area — the fire is still ongoing — reported a firetruck to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department as suspicious. Deputies found it and pulled it over. The two people inside, a man and a woman, were dressed in full firefighter regalia, and said they were from the “Roaring River Fire Department” in Oregon. That confirmed suspicions: the truck bore a California license plate, and there is no such fire department in Oregon. Dustin Nehl, 31, and Jennifer Nehl, 44, a married couple, are apparently not firefighters. Dustin, in fact, served 5 years in an Oregon prison — for an arson spree. The fire truck? It was retired 30 years ago, and sold at auction. Both Nehls were arrested for impersonating a firefighter, unauthorized use of badges, and false representation. Their truck was impounded. Jennifer was released, but Dustin is being held on $30,000 bond due to his criminal record. (RC/KCAL Los Angeles)?...Having watched “Emergency!” doesn’t make someone a paramedic, either.
Why He’s the Chief:?Brian Fennessy is the Chief of the Orange County (Calif.) Fire Authority. He grew up in Altadena, where his brother was still living. When a fire sparked in Eaton Canyon, according to Fennessy, “I told them, ‘You’re fine.’ That they have nothing to worry about.” He was wrong: a few hours later, driven by 100-mph winds, the fire reached his brother’s neighborhood. His brother and family escaped, but “I was already up there and I thought, well, I could at least gocheck on his house,” Fennessy said. The neighborhood was fully engulfed, but his brother’s house, and a nearby neighbor’s house, were still standing. Knowing that the fire department couldn’t arrive in time, the nearly 50-year veteran sprang into action, moving fuel away from the house. He tried using a hose to cool down the gas meters, which were melting, but there was no water. “I thought, ‘I’ll check the refrigerator,’ and all that was in there was some milk and a couple beers.” So he doused the meters in milk and beer. It was enough: the two houses are the only ones left standing on the block. (MS/KABC Los Angeles)?...Who knew fire is lactose intolerant?
The Price of Admission:?Capital One Arena seats 20,000 people, but the Washington, D.C., venue that hosted the public viewing event for President Donald Trump’s inauguration still wasn’t big enough to accommodate everyone with a ticket. (Inaugurations are usually an outdoor event, but it turned out it was going to be really cold.) People lined up for blocks, some even overnight. And some brought bags. Capital One Arena, however, has banned bags, with narrow exceptions, and makes it clear it has no ability to store bags. In the afternoon of Inauguration Day, a journalist observed “a pile of abandoned bags and purses from people entering the area around Capital One Arena.” A Secret Service agent thought they included bags that sell for more than $6,000; another journalist spotted what appeared to be Louis Vuitton bags. And not everyone even took their cash and credit cards out of their bags before leaving them. What will happen to the bags? That’s unclear. (AC/WUSA Washington, WTTG Washington)?...It’s usually a lot harder for people to abandon the baggage they bring to Washington.
Lasting Impression:?In Colorado, it’s not required by law that a couple be married by a judge, a preacher, or any other officiant. In fact, it’s not even required that there are witnesses, though of course most couples prefer to have one. Randy and Alexandria Eckhart of Brighton planned to be married in New Mexico, but their dog’s vet had news that altered those plans: their beloved dog had two cancerous tumors; a specialist in Fort Collins might be Bella Rose’s only hope. The trip to New Mexico was scrubbed, but not the wedding. With the encouragement of the staff, the couple had the wedding in the vet’s office. They brought non-toxic ink so Bella Rose could “sign” their Marriage Certificate as a witness with a paw print. “She was a really big part of our lives,” Alexandria said, “and having her in our wedding was really important to us.” (RC/KMGH Denver)?...Sit! Stay. Good couple.
You Don’t Need a Whole News Story to Say ‘Wash Your Damned Hands’
How to Protect Yourself from Norovirus, COVID-19, Flu and RSV During the Winter Surge
AP headline
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16 STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE
1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand),
6. Light match
7. Light match
8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." Light match.
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Re-label can to read "gasoline."
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps 1-15.
Received from Anna Welander.
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What does "The Devil is in the details" mean?
It means the government just passed the budget.
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Daughter: Alexa, play Let It Go.
Dad: When I was your age, I had to call a radio station, wait on hold for 30 minutes to request a song, then sit by my boom box for an hour for my song to play with a blank cassette tape so I could record it.
Daughter: I don't understand any of that.
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Thought Of The Day:??The Purpose of Life
"The purpose of our lives is to be happy." -- Dalai Lama
Received from aJokeADay.
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In breaking news, the White House announced they will be renaming the Pentagon, now calling it the Circle.
Because there’s literally no point anymore.
Also, circles are easier for a certain someone to draw.
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Skipping all the approval processes really lets them cut corners.
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Anything can become a circle if you cut enough corners.
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I heard they were turning it into The Pentagram.
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Because they are cutting all corners?
Reddit.com
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A Good clean joke
A new monk joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He is only allowed to utter two words to the abbot each year.
After the first year he appears before the abbot and says, “bread stale”. The abbot scratches his head.
The second year, the new monk utters his next two words, “bed hard”. Again the abbot doesn’t know what to make of this.
Third year. The monk says, “Room cold”.
The fourth year he appears before the abbot and his two words are, “I quit”.
The abbot finally responds, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been bitching nonstop since you got here!”
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Q. If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?
A. The bear in Alaska because it's polar.
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How is the witches team doing?
They're having a spell in the first division!
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting for two hours!
What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies?
A boney phoney!
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening?
"Have a nice bite"!
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More Jokes from ArcaMax.com
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In this interview from 1996, Jerry Seinfeld is guest on 'The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder' as he discusses among other things his comedy influences, early jobs & disappointments, stand up comedy, 'what makes for funny' and his groundbreaking TV Show/Series: 'Seinfeld.'
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A Good clean joke
A new monk joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He is only allowed to utter two words to the abbot each year.
After the first year he appears before the abbot and says, “bread stale”. The abbot scratches his head.
The second year, the new monk utters his next two words, “bed hard”. Again the abbot doesn’t know what to make of this.
Third year. The monk says, “Room cold”.
The fourth year he appears before the abbot and his two words are, “I quit”.
The abbot finally responds, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been bitching nonstop since you got here!”
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By Michael Roizen, M.D.
If you're post-menopausal, you're two to three times more likely to develop GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) than you were before -- and you're probably taking a PPI (protein pump inhibitor) to quell the fire. Around 50 million folks in the U.S. take the meds, even though there's concern that the risks of long-term use may outweigh the benefits.
We've known for a while that taking PPIs for months or years can reduce absorption of B12, calcium and magnesium, and make you more ...
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