GAVRIIL GRIGOROV/POOL/AFP via Getty Images
WASHINGTON ()¡ªIn his latest major appointment, on Thursday Donald J. Trump nominated a new chief of the Central Intelligence Agency.
Speaking to reporters, Trump praised his nominee¡¯s ¡°extensive experience with Russia.¡±
¡°I have phone conversations with him every day, and he knows everything I know,¡± Trump told reporters. ¡°Plus, the CIA won¡¯t be the first spy agency he¡¯s worked for.¡±
Citing another qualification of his nominee, Trump said, ¡°He already has a great working relationship with Tulsi.¡±
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You are cordially invited to
A BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!
Guest of Honor: Jesus Christ
Date: Traditionally, December 25, but He's always around, so the date is flexible...
Time: Whenever you're ready.
Place: In your heart...He'll meet you there. (You'll hear Him knock.)
Attire: Come as you are...grubbies are just fine. [We all came that way!] He'll be washing our clothes anyway. He said something about new, white robes and crowns...
Tickets: Admission is free. He's already paid for everyone. He says you wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. It cost Him everything He had.
Refreshments: New wine, bread, and a cool drink He calls "Living Water,"
followed by a supper that promises to be out of this world!
Gift Suggestions: Your life. He's one of those people who already has everything. (He's very generous in return though. Just wait until you see what He has for you!)
Entertainment: Unconditional Love, Priceless Grace, Wild Abandon, Real Life, Communion with God, Forgiveness, Healing, Fascinating Mystery, Childlike Joy, Uncommon Passion, and much more! (All "G" rated, so bring your family and friends.)
R.S.V.P.--He needs to know ahead of time so He can reserve a spot for you at the table. He'll enter your name in the "Lamb's Book of Life."
>>>Today's Thot
Dance like Frosty. Shine like Rudolph. Give like Santa. Love like Jesus.
Received from Mikey's Funnies.
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An author wrote a novel and sent it off to a publisher. The publisher held on to the hard copy so long, that termites got into it.
In the final analysis, the book was rejected. The story line had too many holes in it. -----
Did you know that camel cigarettes are mentioned in the Bible?
Genesis 24:64 (KJV)
And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
¡ª
Honda cars are also in the Bible! They¡¯re so quiet, they¡¯re good for praying in.
Acts 1:14 (KJV)
These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren. ----- Thought Of The Day: One of the Keys
¡°One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.¡± -- Rita Mae Brown -----
Did you know that 97% of the world is dumb?
Luckily I¡¯m in the other 5%! -----
When I was eight my Dad was taking me to see a movie. On the way there I asked him if he would buy me some gum. He said, "No, you don't need any."
After arriving at the theater and taking ours seats, Dad changed his mind. He told me it would be okay for me to have some gum and he was going to get it.
I spoke up and said, "You don't need to buy me gum anymore, Daddy. I found some under the seat." ----- Thought Of The Day: From the Inside Out ¡°You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you; none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.¡± -- Swami Vivekananda |
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Chivalry
The escalator was broken, and the only way out of the airport was up a flight of stairs. I had a big suitcase and a sore knee.
I began dragging my bag and was making a loud thud on every step when a man behind me grabbed it and carried it to the top.
"That was so chivalrous," I gushed, thanking him.
"Chivalry had nothing to do with it," he said. "I've got a splitting headache."
?Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
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Today's One-Liner
The 'ea' in 'tea' is silent.
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Quote
"If you can only make Christmas exciting with material things, how will the children get a thirst for God? Bend the efforts of your imagination to make the wonder of the King's arrival visible for the children."
- John Piper,?Good News of Great Joy: Daily Readings for Advent
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No Luck
I tried calling the tinnitus helpline. There was no answer. It just kept ringing.
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Dog Rules for Christmas
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog cuddles.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: Don't pee on the tree... Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree... Mind your tail when you are near the tree... If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open... And Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree.
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: Not all strangers appreciate kisses and cleans. Don't eat off the buffet table. Beg for goodies subtly. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your spot on the sofa -- they don't know any better. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach unless you can get away with it...
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important) Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house. Be nice to the kiddies. Turn on your charm big time.
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DO NOT BITE HIM!!!
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I saw a new local ad campaign being run for the northern snow birds by our county tourist board. Against a drop dead sunset beach picture, It reads:
Come to the SW coast of Florida this winter for your family vacation! It's got everything...
Sand for the children, fishing galore for Dad, sun for the wife, and plenty of sharks for the mother-in-law.
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Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
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Cars vs. Computers
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did...
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"?
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery??
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Closure.
Closure who?
Closure mouth when you're eating!
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Simple Operation
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"?
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
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Scale Convention
At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight.
A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.?
She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: "One hundred and sixty-three."
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Teacher
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"?
A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
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Hunting for Church
A young boy arrived to Sunday School class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.?
To which the boy replied, "Yes he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
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More Jokes from ArcaMax.com
Chris and Dick Van Dyke talk about working together on the music video All My Love which is a tribute to Dick¡¯s career, filming it at Dick¡¯s house, Chris¡¯ love of Mary Poppins, Jimmy seeing Dick at the Creative Arts Emmys, and the secret to living a long healthy life.
Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie talk about agreeing to film The Simple Life with little information, trying to make an opera out of their song "Sanasa" on Paris & Nicole: The Encore and visiting where they filmed the original show.
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married less than a year, and I'm pregnant with my first child. Our baby was planned, and we were thrilled. Something changed with my husband once I hit the second trimester. If I read something about pregnancy and try to share it with him, he instantly shuts me down, saying I shouldn't believe everything I read or that I'm wasting my time. He doesn't want to set up anything in the nursery, either. He keeps saying we don't need to do it until a month before the baby is due. I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but friends have now taken a step back from talking to me and I'm feeling very isolated. The other night, my husband put me down at dinner with friends. One of them said being pregnant was the most selfish thing a woman could do, and my husband agreed! I am still hurt by the comment. While the person apologized for saying it and further explained their position on the subject (everyone had been drinking, except me), my husband hasn't apologized. He refuses and says I'm idiotic for being so upset about it. I am at a loss here. We planned for this baby, and I thought it would bring us even closer. Now I feel incredibly alone and sad. Why would anyone say something so cruel, and why would my husband agree instead of being on my side? -- EXPECTING MORE IN NEW JERSEY DEAR EXPECTING: Pregnancy is an exciting and challenging experience for all concerned, and your emotions may be heightened. Although your husband was initially enthusiastic about the idea of starting a family right away, it's possible that during this second trimester he recognized the reality of the responsibilities that come with parenthood. It is also possible that, because of your excitement about your pregnancy, it has become your main topic of conversation, which may be why your friends have stepped back. The remark that was made the evening the two of you were with friends was likely fueled by too much alcohol and not enough good judgment. Your husband may have agreed because he feels jealous that your body has been "co-opted" by the baby. Not knowing him, I can't guess at why he continues to refuse to apologize for it. It seems to me you would feel less isolated if you found an older, more experienced female friend or relative to guide you through this challenging period. Also, keep up with your medical appointments to make sure everything is progressing normally.
DEAR ABBY: I was born deaf in my right ear. No matter how many times I remind the people I am closest to, they still seem to get annoyed with me because I ask them to repeat what they say. It is especially hard for me when their backs are turned to me. Any suggestions on how to curb my anger? Yes, it does upset me because of my hearing challenge. -- HEARING AS BEST AS I CAN DEAR HEARING: Curb your anger by continuing to remind people they need to talk into your "good" ear and, when you are seated, be sure the people you are interested in conversing with are sitting to your left. If you do, it may be less stressful for all of you.
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