Daily Clean Jokes and Comics for April 1, 2025
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Daily Clean Jokes for April 1, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Today's Clean Limericks? ? ? ? ? ? ? On his six shooters, cowboy put tons Of thick glue, and admonished his sons ????????????That they shouldn't waver ????????????On main points; be braver. Be like me and just?stick?to?your?guns. ? Lee, Carol, Jim, Conrad, Bill, Dick, Grover, Lars, Chris got it.
?? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Quote of the Day:? ?"The man who said his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." -- Oscar Wilde ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Today's One-Liners:? ? I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Pun of the Day:? I went into a pun shop the other day looking for a timepiece.??The clock asked, "May I help you?"?? "Thank you," I replied, "but I'm just came to watch.??I've had a little time on my hands lately but I think I'm going to need something a little larger."?? "Here's a nice stop watch," said the owner.? "I think I'd rather have one that's working please," I declined.?? "Here's a nice second hand Rolex," said the owner.?? "I'm going to need minutes and hours as well," says I.?? "How about this battery powered model???It will help you unwind" he offered.?? "I don't think I can spring for that one," I speculated.?? "How about a novelty watch???Here's one that's built into a pair of handcuffs," he proudly boasted.?? "Oh, arrest watch!" I said. "I'll take it!"??And now I'm serving time.? By Gary Hallock va Kirk Miller ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? ?Another Time Funny I was teaching my Grade 1 class to tell time using a conventional analog clock. "We'll be learning about the hour hand and the minute hand," I explained. ? Received from Mikey’s Funnies. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Me: "When I have alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels." Wife: "Why?"Careful, your next vowel movement could spell disaster.? Not with only vowels; it can’t spell disaster! If he took a laxative, he could letter rip. Careful. You may end up inconsonant. When I was a kid my mom fed me alphabet soup & she said I liked it …. I think she was just putting words in my mouth!! ? Received from Reddit Clean. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in. ----- I was on my way out of the house to meet with a cantankerous client, and I was dreading it. The look on my face must have given me away because my four-year-old daughter asked what was wrong. ----- Thought Of The Day:??If Dogs Can't Count "If you think dogs can't count, try putting three biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them." -- Phil Pastoret ? Received from aJokeADay.com. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk. ----- Did you hear about the two guys who stole everything out of a house except the soap and towels. They were dirty crooks! ----- "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."
----- Is your mouse calibrated.? ?If you’re not sure, then it’s probably not. You should do this every few weeks to ensure your getting the most performance and smoothest operation possible, especially if you spend alot of time on the computer. ----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- Original Airdate: March 27th, 1987 Received from ArcaMax Jokes. ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ?? ? On the Lighter Side Comics ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ DEAR ABBY: I have three kids. One of them, "Jake," is in his early 20s. He has medical issues, so he has always been babied to a certain degree. Jake has struggled with jobs, drugs, friends and places to live. Somehow, he always ends up back with me. I know I'm an enabler. I have kicked him out before, but I never give up on him. I try to be a positive role model because his father has never been in his life. Due to his past mishaps, Jake has wronged a lot of people who now shun him. I lose quality time with my other kids because they refuse to be around him. I have a soft spot for my "black sheep" because I am the one in my family. I am pretty much the only one who helps him, and in his eyes, I'm the only one who "cares." But I have finally reached the point where I feel he needs to grow up and stop jumping from job to job, house to house, friend to friend and calling me for help. How do I let him know without making him feel he is not wanted? I love him, but I am done being his enabler. -- REACHED THE POINT IN FLORIDA DEAR REACHED: Tell Jake before his next crisis that you love him but are done being his enabler. Tell him his persistent problems are self-generated, and from now on he will have to solve them without involving you, which is what adults do, and that you are doing this for his own good. Then stick to it. To do this may require your talking with a therapist because it is almost guaranteed your son will be back trying to enlist your help. But it was your abundance of help that fostered his being in the situation he's in today. DEAR ABBY: I worked for a supervisor for more than five years who hated me and let me and everyone else know it. She would bring treats for the crew but not for me. During my fifth year of working for her, I just lost it one day. She walked up to me and after some back and forth said, "F--- you!" I said it back to her, loud enough for everyone in the front office to hear. It was a big mess, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I'd been picked on and harassed and worked in a hostile work environment. Anyway, that supervisor was ultimately forced to retire, as were some of her favorites. My problem now is that my ex-supervisor's friends who still work in the office are making it difficult for me not to curse them out as they are making snide remarks. I was told that if I had any more outbursts, I would be terminated immediately. I've even been to therapy. I don't know what else to do. Please help. -- PERSECUTED IN CALIFORNIA DEAR PERSECUTED: If you haven't already done so, start documenting those snide remarks. Then present them to the front office management or HR and point out that although the original abusers are gone, there are still employees creating a hostile work environment. If it isn't corrected, talk with an attorney. At the same time you are doing that, keep your eyes open for another job. ? ? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Give?us a sense of humor,? Give us the grace to see a joke, ? To?get some humor out of life, ? and pass it on to other folk? ...?? Have a great?day?unless you have other plans. ? Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.? Our New Groups Email Addresses ? Post:?mailto:[email protected] ? Subscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Unsubscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Group Owner:?mailto:[email protected] ? Help:?mailto:[email protected] ? PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send these jokes to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!?? ?? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ? |
