Keyboard Shortcuts
Likes
Search
Daily Clean Jokes for March 17, 2025
|
Daily Clean Jokes for March 17, 2025? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Kirk's Limericks ? New receptionist job, good sensations At hotel where I worked.??Expectations ????????????Were real high to begin ????????????On first day I walked in. Then I started to?get?reservations. ? Jim, Dick, Gary, Conrad, Bill, Chris got it. ----- If you give alcohol a good-bye And decide that hard drugs you will try, ????????????I will hasten to tell ????????????That it won't turn out well, Because then you'll be?left?high?and?dry. ? Jim, Carol, Dickhead, Chris, Conrad got it. Don't settle for the world as it is.? Work for the world as it should be.?? -----? ? ? Puns Someone told me I looked like a bottle of relish.??I took it as a condiment. ? When driving a car, baseball players keep their mitts in the glove compartment. ? The quadruplets were always wandering off. It was a four-gone conclusion. ? Toilet training a young child is always a matter of pot luck. ? You may not take a second polygraph test because they can't be re-lied upon. ----- Teacher pulls shadow prank in math class.Much respect for a teacher who goes in so much effort to make his students laugh. ? ----- A Special Pizza Delivery Kirk Miller ? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ?Today's One-Liner:? ???Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? ?Some Humorous Quotes Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I?had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister . . . and now?wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good?beginning and a good?ending; and to have the two as close together as?possible. -- George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea ... Visit people only?once a year. -- Victor Borge I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue . . . .? "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."??-- Eleanor Roosevelt ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? On the Lighter Side? ? ?The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger. Instead of yelling "get down!", they have to yell "Donald, duck!" ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Have you heard of Murphy's Law -Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong -What's about Cole's law? -No -It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream ? ?----- What happened to the man running in front of the car? --He was tired What happened to the man running behind the car? --He was exhausted ? Received from Reddit Clean. ? _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? A high school student stared thoughtfully at the second question on his exam, which read, “State the number of tons of coal shipped out of America in any given year.” ?----- A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl. ----- Thought Of The Day:??When You Stop "When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead.”?— Ernest Hemingway Received from aJokeADay.com. ? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Old Friends Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?' ----- - Ahhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again ... A mild mannered man is tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he decides to go to a psychiatrist. The doctor tells him he has to develop self esteem. The doctor gives him a booklet on assertive training. He reads it on the way home.? When he walks through the door and his wife comes to greet him, he tells her, "From now on I'm the man of this home and my word is law. When I come home from work I want my dinner on the table. Now get upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed because I'm going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?"? "The undertaker." she replies. ----- Q: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon? Q: What does a bee get at McDonalds? ----- TOnce upon a time there was a young man who wanted to become a great writer. "I want to write things the whole world will read," he declared. ----- The Hokey Pokey*
----- More Jokes from ArcaMax.com----- Toby Jones talks about playing Sir Alan Bates in the drama ‘Mr Bates vs The Post Office’. ----- Tom and Dick sing Dance, Boatman, Dance on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. Received from ArcaMax Jokes. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ? ? Give?us a sense of humor,? Give us the grace to see a joke, ? To?get some humor out of life, ? and pass it on to other folk? ...?? Have a great?day?unless you have other plans. ? Compiled by: Marilyn L. Van Driesen.? Our New Groups Email Addresses ? Post:?mailto:[email protected] ? Subscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Unsubscribe:?mailto:[email protected] ? Group Owner:?mailto:[email protected] ? Help:?mailto:[email protected] ? PASS IT ON! Yeah, you can send these jokes to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it!?? ?? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ? |