?Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them..
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Little Johnny's Stork-tacular School of Bluner
Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny (a future lawyer) hollers out,
"Okay, everyone in the house, please be advised that I, little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!"
The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fueled feedback if sent to his other more general and family-safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he¡¯s OK with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells. |
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All Roads Lead to Rome
The U.S.? Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet,?8.5 inches.? That's an exceedingly odd number.??Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that?? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad system tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then?? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time.
?I grew up with Bob Hope, Steve Jobs, and Johnny Cash.? Now there¡¯s no jobs,? no cash, and no hope.? Please don¡¯t let anything happen to Kevin Bacon.
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Shout out to everyone who can still remember their childhood phone number but can¡¯t remember the password they created yesterday.? You are my people.
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One minute you¡¯re young and fun.? And next, you¡¯re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.
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Think you¡¯re old and you will be old.? Think you are young, and you will be delusional.
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There¡¯s nothing scarier that that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and you think, ¡°They are going to find me naked.¡±
Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave¡ªI say I¡¯m having a very good day.
When my brother was about 20 years old and going to college in Portland, Oregon, he used to call our parents in Long Beach, California every time he needed money. He also use to take a bus every chance he would get to come home for the week ends, with the support of our parents.
One night he called from Porland and ask our mother if they would send him some extra money to fly home, since he was getting tired of the buses. When our father heard this he yelled from across the room, "Tell him to stick a feather up his butt and fly home!"
My brother said, "What did Dad say?"
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Our mother answered, "He said, you'll have to take the bus home, dear."
When my brother was about 20 years old and going to college in Portland, Oregon, he used to call our parents in Long Beach, California every time he needed money. He also use to take a bus every chance he would get to come home for the week ends, with the support of our parents.
One night he called from Porland and ask our mother if they would send him some extra money to fly home, since he was getting tired of the buses. When our father heard this he yelled from across the room, "Tell him to stick a feather up his butt and fly home!"
My brother said, "What did Dad say?"
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Our mother answered, "He said, you'll have to take the bus home, dear."
Okay!? Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing?? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads?? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions.? The roads have been used ever since.? And the ruts?? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots made for or by Imperial Rome. They were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Thus, we have the answer to the original question.? The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot.
Specs and bureaucracies live forever.? So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's rear end came up with it, you may be exactly right.? Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.
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Really Stupid Laws