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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 134 – Seeking Assistance????????????
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When seeking a person’s assistance, be it financial or otherwise, one may not mention that he knows of others who received similar assistance from this individual – unless the individual is known to appreciate the publicizing of
that fact.
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This rule is based on the concern that a person may not want his charitable acts to become public knowledge, as this could bring about an endless barrage of requests for his assistance. By mentioning his having made a contribution to a certain person, one reveals
that the recipient shared the information with others – which may cause the donor to be upset with that recipient.
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When reference to the recipient is made to bolster one’s own request and not to cause animosity, it is categorized as avak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Arrogance
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Among the root causes of loshon hora is arrogance. The arrogant person views himself as a man of wisdom and stature, and he looks down upon everyone else. It is therefore only natural that he will ridicule others. The arrogant person is also filled with jealousy
and enmity toward anyone in his community who is accorded greater honor than he. He tells himself, “Were it not for him, I would be the recipient of all that honor!’’ This attitude brings him to delve into the other person’s history until he finds something
derogatory to say about him, be it true or false, so that he can heap scorn and shame upon that individual and lower his stature among people.
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The Talmud states (Sotah 42b) that four groups will not merit to greet the Divine Presence: flatterers; liars; [habitual] speakers of loshon hora; and scoffers. Arrogance can cause a person to belong to all of the above groups. He will speak disparagingly of
his fellow so that the person will be shamed while he will be honored; he will scorn and mock him; he will falsely boast of personal qualities which he does not possess; and he will flatter the wicked and refrain from reproving them, so that they will not
hate him and seek to diminish his honor.
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Therefore, one who wishes to purify his soul of arrogance should forever ponder the shamefulness of this bitter sin. How can man be arrogant when he was created from a putrid drop and will ultimately go to a place of dust, worms and maggots? One should also
ponder the severity of this sin, which is one of the 365 negative commandments, as it is written, “... and your heart will become haughty, and you will forget Hashem, your God” (Devarim 8:14); and “Take care, lest you forget Hashem, your God” (ibid. v. 11).
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When a person persists in seeking fame for himself, the opposite occurs. His reputation gradually becomes diminished and he becomes an object of disgrace in the eyes of others.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 135 – Sensitivities
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To cause outright animosity between Jews is to speak rechilus; to effect a minor degree of ill feeling between Jews is to speak Avak Rechilus. An example of the latter is where one relates that someone spoke about the listener in
a manner which is neither derogatory nor harmful, but which may cause the listener to be disappointed with that individual. The classic example of this is where Hashem spoke critically to Avraham of Sarah for her having expressed incredulity upon hearing an
angel (disguised as a wayfarer) say that she would bear a child. Hashem said, “Why did Sarah laugh, to say, ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, though I have aged?’ ” (Bereishis 18:13). In fact, Sarah had said, “And my husband is old.” (V. 12). Talmud Yerushalmi
(Pe’ah 1:1) states that to repeat such a statement would be to speak avak rechilus. Now, to say that a man of ninety-nine is old is neither derogatory nor damaging. However, it is a bit discomforting for a person of advanced age to hear that his spouse speaks
of him as an “old man;” therefore, to report such a remark is to speak avak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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More Points to Ponder
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One should ponder the severe retribution, both in this world and the next, which is liable to result from arrogance. The Talmud states that arrogance causes one’s properties to become ruined (Succah 29b) and one’s resources to become depleted (Sotah 5a). The
Sages further state (ibid.) that regarding an arrogant person, Hashem says, “He and I cannot dwell together in the world.’’ Rabbi Elazar said: “Whoever is arrogant will not awaken at the time of the Resurrection” (ibid.). This last punishment is measure for
measure. Instead of pondering the fact that he will ultimately be laid to rest in the earth, the arrogant person acts as if he will enjoy prominence forever, living a life of stature in which he will always be a notch above everyone else. Because of his sinful
attitude, when his body will become part of the dust of the earth, it will lack the power to come back to life. When everyone else will return to life, he will remain asleep, underneath the feet of the people above whom he had glorified himself.
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Furthermore, arrogance makes one repulsive before Hashem, as it is written, “Despicable to Hashem are all who are arrogant of heart” (Mishlei 16:5).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 137 – Constructive Speech?
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As in the case of loshon hora, the prohibition of rechilus involves meaningless or destructive gossip only. Reporting to a person concerning what someone else said or did against him l’toeles, for a constructive purpose, is not
considered speaking rechilus and may, in fact, be considered a mitzvah.
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However, a clear understanding of the conditions which make such reporting permissible, complemented by a generous dose of objectivity, are absolute prerequisites for conveying such information.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Despair
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Another primary reason why people speak loshon hora is despair, meaning that they despair of being able to live by the Torah’s laws of proper speech. There are those who convince themselves that anyone who interacts with others in normal business and social
relations cannot possibly live by these laws. To support this contention, they cite the Talmudic statement that “everyone is guilty of loshon hora” (Bava Basra 165a).? Of course, they are grossly mistaken.
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It is a known axiom of Jewish belief that Hashem does not make excessive demands of His creations. If the Torah places a certain obligation upon us, then surely its fulfillment is within our reach. Would adherence to the laws of shmiras haloshon be an inordinately
difficult achievement, then it would be optional, a matter for the exceedingly righteous who strive to perfect themselves in ways that others never attempt. In fact, to refrain from speaking loshon hora is required by the Torah, and involves numerous commandments.
Obviously, the Creator has endowed every Jewish soul with the ability to observe these laws.
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“A God of faith without iniquity” (Devarim 32:4) — God created man to be righteous, not wicked (Sifre ad loc.). This means that Hashem endowed each Jew with the ability to observe all of His commandments, for if not, it would be unfair to hold him accountable
for their transgression.
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