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Shmirat Haloshon

 

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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 7 – Matters of Taste
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It would seem that there is nothing derogatory about a statement of taste.? To say, “I don’t like dry wine,” is a description of the speaker’s preferences and not a critical evaluation of the wine.
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Ostensibly, then, one should be allowed to say that one does not like the oratory style of a given lecturer.? In fact, however, such statements are generally prohibited, for they imply that the speaker lacks effectiveness.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Breaking Bad Habits
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In truth, there is no basis for the contention that the average person cannot avoid forbidden speech for more than a day or two. It is a proven fact that the longer one persists in guarding his tongue, the easier it becomes.
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To gossip is a habit, and habits, as time goes on, become a part of a person’s nature. But bad habits can be broken, especially when one becomes aware that a given habit involves numerous Torah prohibitions and is described by our Sages in most severe terms. Such an awareness, coupled with a bit of zealousness, goes a long way. One who would speak whatever came to mind without a moment’s hesitation, will now find himself weighing his words before expressing them.
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One should not grow frustrated if, after he resolved to avoid forbidden speech, his evil inclination got the better of him and he spoke loshon hora. Even if this happens time and again, nevertheless, he should not despair. Rather, he should forever strengthen himself to avoid improper speech, and persevere. This is how one should conduct himself his entire life.
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This is the intent of the Talmud’s statement, “One should forever arouse his good inclination to subdue his evil inclination” (Berachos 5a). Life is an ongoing struggle with one’s evil inclination. One must forever be poised for battle and never be discouraged by failure. With knowledge of what the Torah requires of us and proper resolve, our efforts will ultimately succeed.
Keep reading Day 8, the lesson for Shabbos
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM

Day 8 – Past History
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Another area involving loshon hora is that of past history.? It is forbidden to relate something about an individual’s past which either the speaker or the listener considers shameful, though in reality it is not shameful at all.
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Our Sages teach that “at the place where baalei teshuvah (returnees to the path of Torah) stand, perfect tzaddikim (those who have always been righteous) cannot stand” (Berachos 34b).? Thus, there is nothing shameful about a baal teshuvah.? Nevertheless, it is forbidden to relate that someone is a baal teshuvah if either the speaker or the listener looks down at such people.? (Related laws regarding baalei teshuvah will be discussed in Day 20).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Do Whatever You Can (I)
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A Torah scholar once posed the following question: If one has failed to concentrate while reciting the Shemoneh Esrei prayer and finds himself near its conclusion, with what approach can he inspire himself to pray the remainder of the prayer with proper concentration? The scholar offered a solution by way of a parable:
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A young girl was standing in the marketplace with a large basket of apples for sale. Suddenly, a thief approached and began to snatch apples out of the basket. The girl became confused and stood helplessly, not knowing what to do. Someone who was watching from a distance called out to her, “Why are you standing still? What are you waiting for —that he should grab everything? Just as he is grabbing, so should you grab-? whatever you can get will still be yours!”
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And so it is regarding prayer. If one was overcome by lethargy and mindless daydreaming at the start of the Shemoneh Esrei, and suddenly finds himself near the prayer’s end without having “grabbed any apples,” this does not mean that he should give up and leave himself with nothing. Rather, he should strive with all his inner strength to concentrate on the remaining blessings.
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And so it is, exactly, with shmiras haloshon. You stumbled this morning and spoke the forbidden? Then stand ready this afternoon to overcome your evil inclination and refrain from forbidden talk. And if you fail in the afternoon, nevertheless, strengthen yourself to do battle once more tomorrow. Surely Hashem will help you to succeed, for “one who seeks to purify himself is granted Heavenly assistance” (Shabbos 104a).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 10 – With Permission
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It is forbidden to speak derogatorily about someone even when the subject has made it known that he does not mind if such things are said of him.
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As mentioned above, to speak negatively of one’s fellow is shameful in itself, regardless of the subject’s feelings.? Speaking loshon hora is contrary to man’s exalted status as the only creature who was fashioned b’tzelem Elokim, in the Divine image – and this is not altered by the fact that one has been granted permission to speak derogatorily.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Key to Spiritual Success
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“Which man desires life, who loves days of seeing good? Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it” (Tehillim 34:13-15). The commentators explain that the term “life” refers to that of the World to Come, while “days” refers to man’s years on this world which are only “days” by comparison to the eternal life of the next world.
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We are commanded to fulfill 613 mitzvos; regarding all of them Hashem says to us, “See that I have placed before you today life and that which is good ... that you should love Hashem, your God, to go in His ways and to observe His commandments” (Devarim 30:15-16). Why, then, does David, in the above verse, say that the quality of one’s life in both worlds is primarily dependent on guarding one’s tongue? In the opening passages of this work we have offered one answer to this question. Below, we offer more on the subject:
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In the preface to Sefer Chofetz Chaim, we explained how the bitter sin of loshon hora can involve transgression of numerous positive and negative commandments, to a degree that is not found with any other sin. Thus, shmiras haloshon is a key to fulfillment of one’s obligations both toward Hashem and toward his fellow Jew.
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When a person is careful not to speak disparagingly of his fellow, or to embarrass him; when he demonstrates caution in avoiding comments that can aggravate dispute; and when he is careful to avoid transgression of other commandments related to evil talk, both positive and negative, then he will surely avoid more blatant sins. If one accepts upon himself to scrupulously avoid causing harm or shame through the spoken word, surely he will not do so through action!
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Thus, one who zealously refrains from speaking loshon hora will, through such self-discipline, come to fulfill all his obligations toward his fellow.
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Day 11 – Common Knowledge
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A derogatory statement is considered loshon hora even when the information is common knowledge for, as stated above, to speak negatively of one’s fellow Jew is shameful in itself.
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Negative information about Jews appearing in newspapers may not be repeated.? Newspapers often publish articles based on hearsay and thus, one is not even permitted to believe such information if the newspaper is its only source.? Even after one has verified the information, he may nevertheless not repeat it.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Equal to All
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Talmud Yerushalmi (Pe’ah 1:1) states that the reward for studying Torah is equivalent to that of all other mitzvos combined, and the punishment for speaking loshon hora is equivalent to that of all other sins combined. Thus, the antithesis of Torah study, the greatest of all mitzvos, is loshon hora. Their respective primacy can be explained as follows:
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Of the four basic elements of nature —fire, wind, water and earth —the intangible (fire and wind) are far more powerful than the tangible (water and earth). Fire can engulf material objects and totally destroy them, and the power of wind is awesome, as it is written, “A great and mighty wind which breaks apart mountains and shatters stones” (I Melachim 19:11).
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The same is true in the spiritual realm. Torah study impacts in the Upper Worlds in a way that no other mitzvah can. This is because all other mitzvos are related to the physical — for example, to fulfill the mitzvah of tzitzis, one dons a garment, a material object; a lulav is held, a physical act; a shofar must be blown, etc. Torah study, however, is performed through the power of speech, which, essentially, is a function of the soul.1 This is why the reward of Torah study is equivalent to that of all other mitzvos combined.
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The converse is true of sin. The spiritual damage caused by loshon hora is infinitely greater than that caused by other transgressions, because it is committed through the power of speech. Its effect in the Upper Spheres is awesome. Therefore, its punishment is equivalent to that of all other sins combined.
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1. As mentioned above, Targum Onkelos translates “and man became a living being”
(Bereishis 2:7), as “and man became a speaking spirit.”
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Day 12 – Ambiguous Statements
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A Jew is responsible for exercising caution in speech and not making statements which can be misinterpreted as being derogatory.
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An example of an ambiguous statement that should not be said is: “He’s a well-meaning fellow,” which can mean, “He’s well-meaning but not very intelligent, or, “He’s well-meaning but his actions are wrong.” If one simply means, “He’s well-meaning and sincere,” then this should be made clear.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Measure for Measure
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The way in which one acts towards others determines the way in which Heaven will act towards him. For example, if one strives to overlook the hurt caused him, and if he acts towards others with kindness and compassion, then he awakens the Attribute of Compassion in Heaven. Hashem will judge him with mercy and he will be shown kindness from Above. As our Sages state: “Whoever has compassion towards others will be shown compassion from Above” (Shabbos 151b); and “Whoever refrains from exacting his measure [of retribution from others for the wrong they caused him] will have all his sins forgiven” (Rosh Hashanah 17a). Moreover, in his merit, Divine compassion will manifest itself upon the Jewish nation as a whole.
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However, if it is one’s way to be absolutely unrelenting towards others and to treat them without compassion, then he lends strength to the Attribute of Justice —toward himself specifically, and to the entire Jewish nation as well. Heaven will be unrelenting regarding that person’s sins, for “With the measure that a person measures do they [i.e. Heaven] measure him” (Megillah 12b).
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Our Sages state: “Jerusalem was destroyed only because its inhabitants limited their decisions to the [letter of the] law of Torah” (Bava Metzia 30b). This seems difficult, for Scripture records many sins of which that generation was guilty. Our discussion sheds light on the matter. Had the people overlooked the wrong caused them, then Hashem would have forgiven them as well. However, they were absolutely unrelenting toward each other, demanding from one another whatever they could possibly extract according to the law —and Heaven judged them accordingly.
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Day 13 – Obvious Intent
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While statements which have a negative connotation are prohibited, this would not apply where the listener can be expected to understand that nothing derogatory was intended.
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Therefore, halachah permits making an ambiguous statement if:
(1) Nothing derogatory is intended; and
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(2) The unintended meaning of the statement is only mildly derogatory; and
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(3) The statement is made in the presence of three people or in the presence of the person being discussed.
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As an illustration, the early commentators offer the statement, “In that house, something is always cooking on the stove.”? This could mean that this family’s door is always open to guests, or it can mean that the family is overindulgent.? If the statement were to be made in the presence of three, one can safely assume that it would eventually become known to the family of whom it was said.? Such being the case, the listeners would assume that the speaker intended it as a compliment.? It would also be permissible to make such a statement in the presence of the family of whom it is said, since it would be obvious to all that there was no derogatory intent.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Awakening the Accuser
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Sifre1 states that Hashem, as it were, does not want to associate with gossipers and rescue them from troubles. Zohar states (Parashas Shelach): “R’ Shimon said: Of everything is the Holy One, Blessed is He, forgiving — except for loshon hora.” The reason for this is perfectly clear.
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When a Jew speaks loshon hora, he causes accusation in Heaven toward the Jewish people. In the words of Zohar (Parashas Pekudei), this sin “brings plague, sword and murder to this world. Woe to those who awaken this evil force, who do not guard their tongues and pay no heed to this! They do not realize that the ways of Heaven are reflective of the ways on this world, both for good and for bad. [Through evil talk,] Satan is aroused to voice accusation against the entire world.”
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A father’s great love for his child can impel him to make allowances for the child’s bad behavior. When a father is forced to rebuke his child, he does it lovingly, with abundant compassion. However, if people come to the father and report that they witnessed how the child quarreled with others over nothing, and that he embarrassed and ridiculed his peers, the father will have no alternative but to take strong measures to ensure that his child mend his ways.
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Hashem loves the Jewish people with a deep, unfathomable love. In the words of the prophet: “Is Ephraim My most precious son or a delightful child, that whenever I speak of him I remember him more and more? Therefore, My inner self yearns for him, I will surely take pity on him...” (Yirmiyahu 31:19-20).
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Of course, Hashem is well aware of all that transpires both in public and in private, as it is written, “Can a man hide in a hidden place so that I will not see him’ says Hashem?” (Yirmiyahu 23:24). Nevertheless, out of His great love for Israel, He is slow to anger and seeks to find merit for His nation, as it is written, “He gazes at no iniquity in Yaakov...” (Bamidbar 23:21; see Rashi). In His infinite wisdom, Hashem has decreed that His judgment of man reflect the intercessions and accusations of the Heavenly angels. When the Accuser [i.e. Satan] comes before Him to relate the sins of His people, then He feels compelled, as it were, to respond.
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And it is those who speak loshon hora who cause the Accuser to speak against the Jewish people.
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1. Cited in Yalkut Shimoni, Parashas Ki Seitzei, 933.
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Day 14 – Your People
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The Torah states:? Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people (Vayikra 19:16).? From the word among your people, our Sages derive that it is forbidden to speak loshon hora about a Jew only when he is one who acts in the way of your people.
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It is not shameful to focus on the shortcomings of a wicked person.? The term “wicked person” refers to a malicious offender.? However, one who sins out of ignorance or temptation is in the category of amecha and it is forbidden to speak loshon hora about him (unless it is for a constructive purpose, as will be discussed later).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Silencing the Accuser
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As mentioned above, Hashem acts towards the Jewish people in the way that we act towards one another. Thus, if Jews live in peace and harmony with one another, then in Heaven, Satan is not able to indict them. Hashem has implanted in Satan’s nature an inability to indict His beloved nation in any way under such conditions. Midrash Shir HaShirim states that this applies even when the Jewish people are guilty of the worst sins, such as idol worship. Thus it is written, “Bound [to one another in peace but attached] to idol worship is Ephraim — let him be” (Hoshea 4:17).
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Middah k’neged middah (measure for measure) is the rule of Heaven in all instances. When a person restrains himself from speaking disparagingly of his fellow and arousing bad feelings towards him, then in Heaven the Accuser is unable to open his mouth to accuse.
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The converse is true when loshon hora is spoken, and this evokes Divine wrath toward the speaker. As our Sages comment on the words? “and in his hand was a coal” (Yeshayahu 6:6), Hashem told the angel: “Break the mouth of the one who spoke ill of my children!” (Yalkut Shimoni 406).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 15 – Other Forms of Negativity
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While the Scriptural prohibition against loshon hora applies only to speaking about the living, our Sages prohibit making slanderous remarks about the deceased.
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It is also forbidden to speak negatively of our beloved land, Eretz Yisrael.? As the Torah relates, the generation that merited to be liberated from Egypt spent forty years in the Wilderness and died there because of?? evil speech concerning the Land ( See Bamidbar chs. 13-14).
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In truth, it is proper to avoid focusing on the negative unnecessarily even when discussing non-sacred objects.? The early commentators tell of the wise man and his students who came upon the carcass of an animal.? When the students commented on its foul odor, the wise man responded, “But see how white are its teeth!”
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Dreadful Scenario
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Picture the following scenario: A Jew is instructed to enter the Temple of God, stand before the Holy Ark and accuse his fellow Jews of whatever sins he knows them to be guilty of. Without a doubt, even the lowest among us would endanger his own life rather than carry out this dreadful order.
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Yet people fail to realize that this is exactly what they are doing when they speak loshon hora! As stated in Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu (I, 18:64): “When the wicked speak loshon hora, it ascends before the Throne of Glory...”
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It is therefore not difficult to understand the gravity of this sin, and the heavy price that the speaker is liable to pay, both in this world and the next. Therefore, David cautions us that if we seek to enjoy the bliss of eternal life in the next world and desire good days in this world, our first step must be to guard our tongues.
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On the holy day of Yom Kippur we beseech Hashem “Silence the Accuser and let the Defender take his place.” How can one utter these words without feeling shame and humiliation, if through his own loshon hora the Accuser is aroused and endowed with the strength to accuse?
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Conversely, those who are successful in their efforts to refrain from speaking ill of others can rest assured that their entreaties before Hashem to “silence the Accuser” carry great weight in Heaven.
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May Hashem cause love, peace and brotherhood to dwell amongst His people.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM

Day 16 – The Listener
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Once something is defined as derogatory, it is forbidden to relate it other than for constructive purposes and under specific conditions which will be discussed later.? One may not share negative information about people with friends and family, including one’s spouse.? It must be underscored that relating loshon hora to one’s spouse is no less forbidden than when relating it to anyone else.? To focus on another’s shortcomings is undignified and wrong.

SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Man’s Superiority
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The person who restrains himself from speaking the forbidden merits the “hidden light” ?which was stored away for the righteous at the time of Creation.1 Conversely, regarding the sin of loshon hora, our Sages state (Yerushalmi Pe’ah 1:1): “Punishment for this sin is exacted from the person on this world, while its principal [i.e. primary punishment] remains for him in the World to Come.”
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This is yet another reason why David declares: “Which man desires life... Guard your tongue from evil.”
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Consider the following: Man is superior to all other creatures by way of his Heavenly soul, which the Creator has endowed with intellect that is granted expression through the power of speech. As mentioned above, the Torah defines man’s essence by calling him a “living being,” which Onkelos translates as “a speaking spirit” (Bereishis 2:7). But man can claim superiority only if he uses his power of speech in a constructive manner. If he uses this power wickedly, then all other creatures, who cannot speak and cause the destructiveness that only words can cause, are actually superior to him.
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Thus does Scripture state: “Which man [desires life... guard your tongue...],” ?for it is this quality that makes one deserving of being called a man.
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  1. See Rashi to Bereishis 1:4.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 17 – Repentance
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We have seen that to speak derogatorily of one’s fellow is to degrade one’s own status as a creation b’tzelem Elokim (in God’s image).
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For one who speaks loshon hora, the teshuva (repentance) process is the same as for all sins between man and his Creator:? confession, sincere regret, and the resolution never to speak loshon hora again.
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One is not required to discuss the matter with the subject on one’s sinful words and seek his forgiveness, unless actual harm was caused.? (Teshuvah for having caused harm through loshon hora will be discussed later.)
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Forfeiting Eternity
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Rabbi Raphael Hamburger, in his work Marpei Loshon, offers another insightful explanation of the verses, “Which man desires life ... guard your tongue from evil ...” He bases his thoughts on the following passage from Sefer Chovos HaLevavos (Sha’ar HaKeniah, ch. 7):
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On the Day of Judgment, many people will find themselves credited with meritorious deeds which they did not do. “These are not mine!” each one will declare. He will be told, “These are the deeds of those who spoke disparagingly of you [and thereby caused their merits to be transferred to your account].” And the one who spoke disparagingly will be told, “These deeds were taken from you when you spoke against So-and-so.”
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Conversely, some will find acts of guilt on their account which they never committed. When each one will protest, “These are not mine!” he will be told, “These were taken from the account of So-and-so, against whom you spoke ...”
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The above is found in other sacred works as well.
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A person may spend a day or two earning for himself eternal bliss through Torah and mitzvos, only to exchange these merits for his neighbor’s sins by speaking against him. A few more days might go by as he accrues more reward, only to lose it all in the same manner when another opportunity for evil talk comes his way. This pattern might continue until his day of death, when he departs this world stripped of all his “possessions,” that is, the Torah and mitzvos in which he invested much time and effort.
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Therefore, David first exhorts us, “Guard your tongue from evil,” and only then does he say, “Turn from evil and do good.” The way to ensure that the reward of mitzvah observance remains ours for all eternity is by refraining from speaking ill of our fellow Jew.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 18 – Definition
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Thus far we have focused on statements which are derogatory in nature.? The second category of loshon hora involves statements that could potentially cause harm to a person, be it physical, emotional or financial.
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The Talmud teaches that gramma b’nizakin assur, it is forbidden to cause a person damage indirectly.? Thus, any form of speech, even if not derogatory, but which may cause harm to someone, constitutes loshon hora and is forbidden.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Triple Tragedy
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Midrash Shochar Tov (Tehillim 52:2) states:
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It was taught in the academy of R’ Yishmael: Whoever relates loshon hora commits grave sins which equal the Three [Cardinal] Sins of idolatry, immorality and murder.1 [This can be deduced as follows]: Regarding loshon hora it is written, “May Hashem cut off all equivocating lips, the tongue which speaks haughty words [gedolos]” (Tehillim 12:4). Regarding idolatry it is written, “I implore! This people have committed a great sin [gadola]” (Shemos 32:31). Regarding immorality it is written, “How can I perpetrate this great evil [Hagedola]?” (Bereishis 39:9). And regarding murder it is written, “Is my sin too great to be borne [gadol]?” (Bereishis 4:13). [Thus, the plural form is found only with regard to loshon hora.]
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Alternatively: When someone commits murder, he kills a single soul, but one who speaks loshon hora destroys three: the subject of his words, his listener and himself. From where do we see this? From Doeg, who spoke loshon hora concerning Achimelech (I Shmuel chs. 21-22) and thereby destroyed Shaul, who accepted the report; Achimelech, about whom it was spoken; and himself. Shaul, who accepted it, [died because of it] as it is written: “Shaul died for the faithlessness with which he acted towards Hashem” (I Divrei HaYamim 10:13); Achimelech [died because of it], for about him it was said [by Shaul], “Die, you shall die, Achimelech (I Shmuel 22:16); and Doeg was banished from the World [to Come], as it is written, “Likewise, God will shatter you for eternity” (Tehillim 52:7). And what caused this? Loshon hora.
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  1. The Midrash cannot mean that speaking loshon hora is a greater sin than any of the Three Cardinal Sins, for they carry the death penalty while speaking loshon hora does not. The Midrash means that speaking loshon hora can lead to the transgression of many severe sins (Maharsha)
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 19 – Embarrassing Remarks
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One who conveys information to others has no control over who will hear it and in what setting it will be repeated.? Whatever one says concerning another person may very well be repeated in the presence of that person.
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It is therefore forbidden to say anything about a person that might embarrass him if it were to be repeated in his presence, even if the information is not derogatory.
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It is forbidden to relate that an individual is a baal teshuvah if the person is sensitive about this fact.? This is true even in a community where baalei teshuvah are highly respected.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Words of Defeat
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Sifre states:
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With ten trials did our ancestors test [God in the Wilderness], but their judgment was sealed only on account of the sin of loshon hora, as it is written, “They have tested Me these ten times and did not heed My voice” (Bamidbar 14:22),1 and it is written, “You have made Hashem weary [i.e. unrelenting] with your words” (Malachi 2:17).
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The generation of the wicked King Achav was plagued by idol worship; yet they were victorious in war in merit of their not informing on one another (Yerushalmi Pe’ah 1:1). This is evident from the fact that no one revealed to Achav that Ovadiah, aided by others, was sustaining one hundred prophets of Hashem against the king’s wishes. However, in the days of the righteous Shaul, when informers such as Doeg and the Ziphites5 were found among the Jews, their armies fell in battle. The fact that there were children in Shaul’s generation who were knowledgeable in forty-nine facets of Torah was not enough to gain them victory. Such is the power of loshon hora.
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1. God uttered these words after the Spies had spoken their slanderous report of the land. The Talmud (Arachin 15a) enumerates the ten tests.
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