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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 132 – Rechilus When Attempting to Avoid Rechilus?????????
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It is forbidden to tell someone, “I’d rather not tell you what so-and-so said about you,” for this is implying that “so-and-so” said something negative about the listener. If the speaker honestly – though naively – intended to
avoid speaking rechilus, he violated only the rabbinical prohibition of “avak rechilus.” However, if the implication was intentional, then the remark is classified as outright rechilus and he has transgressed the Scriptural prohibition.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Scoffing
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One of the root causes of loshon hora is scoffing. Some people are accustomed to scoffing at anything, and attach themselves to people who are of their own kind. It is natural for such people to scoff at others who are outside their circle and to speak degradingly
of them. Therefore, one who seeks to cleanse his soul should ponder the terrible sin of such behavior.
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Our Sages teach that scoffers are one of four groups that will not merit to greet the Divine Presence (Sotah 42a). In addition to his own sins, a scoffer is guilty of causing others to join him in his ridicule. It is well known that to cause others to sin is
an extremely grave offense, and prevents the perpetrator from being granted Heavenly assistance to repent (Avos?5:18).
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Aside from all of the above, to idle one’s time away, even not in a sinful way, is to waste precious time that could be used for studying Torah and accruing reward for the World to Come. According to one Talmudic opinion, the verse “... for he scorned the word
of Hashem” (Bamidbar?15:31) applies to one who squanders the opportunity to study Torah.
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How ashamed, then, should one be to have spent hour upon hour in the company of scoffers! Moreover, were they to restrain themselves from speaking the forbidden, they would thereby merit eternal life, for, as the Midrash states, for each moment that a person
refrains from speaking the forbidden, he merits a hidden light that no angel can fathom.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 134 – Seeking Assistance????????????
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When seeking a person’s assistance, be it financial or otherwise, one may not mention that he knows of others who received similar assistance from this individual – unless the individual is known to appreciate the publicizing
of that fact.
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This rule is based on the concern that a person may not want his charitable acts to become public knowledge, as this could bring about an endless barrage of requests for his assistance. By mentioning his having made a contribution to a certain person, one reveals
that the recipient shared the information with others – which may cause the donor to be upset with that recipient.
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When reference to the recipient is made to bolster one’s own request and not to cause animosity, it is categorized as avak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Arrogance
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Among the root causes of loshon hora is arrogance. The arrogant person views himself as a man of wisdom and stature, and he looks down upon everyone else. It is therefore only natural that he will ridicule others. The arrogant person is also filled with jealousy
and enmity toward anyone in his community who is accorded greater honor than he. He tells himself, “Were it not for him, I would be the recipient of all that honor!’’ This attitude brings him to delve into the other person’s history until he finds something
derogatory to say about him, be it true or false, so that he can heap scorn and shame upon that individual and lower his stature among people.
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The Talmud states (Sotah 42b) that four groups will not merit to greet the Divine Presence: flatterers; liars; [habitual] speakers of loshon hora; and scoffers. Arrogance can cause a person to belong to all of the above groups. He will speak disparagingly of
his fellow so that the person will be shamed while he will be honored; he will scorn and mock him; he will falsely boast of personal qualities which he does not possess; and he will flatter the wicked and refrain from reproving them, so that they will not
hate him and seek to diminish his honor.
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Therefore, one who wishes to purify his soul of arrogance should forever ponder the shamefulness of this bitter sin. How can man be arrogant when he was created from a putrid drop and will ultimately go to a place of dust, worms and maggots? One should also
ponder the severity of this sin, which is one of the 365 negative commandments, as it is written, “... and your heart will become haughty, and you will forget Hashem, your God” (Devarim?8:14);
and “Take care, lest you forget Hashem, your God” (ibid. v. 11).
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When a person persists in seeking fame for himself, the opposite occurs. His reputation gradually becomes diminished and he becomes an object of disgrace in the eyes of others. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 135 – Sensitivities
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To cause outright animosity between Jews is to speak rechilus; to effect a minor degree of ill feeling between Jews is to speak Avak Rechilus. An example of the latter is where one relates that someone spoke about the listener
in a manner which is neither derogatory nor harmful, but which may cause the listener to be disappointed with that individual. The classic example of this is where Hashem spoke critically to Avraham of Sarah for her having expressed incredulity upon hearing
an angel (disguised as a wayfarer) say that she would bear a child. Hashem said, “Why did Sarah laugh, to say, ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, though I have aged?’ ” (Bereishis?18:13).
In fact, Sarah had said, “And my husband is old.” (V. 12). Talmud Yerushalmi (Pe’ah 1:1) states that to repeat such a statement would be to speak avak rechilus. Now, to say that a man of ninety-nine is old is neither derogatory nor damaging. However, it is
a bit discomforting for a person of advanced age to hear that his spouse speaks of him as an “old man;” therefore, to report such a remark is to speak avak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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More Points to Ponder
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One should ponder the severe retribution, both in this world and the next, which is liable to result from arrogance. The Talmud states that arrogance causes one’s properties to become ruined (Succah 29b) and one’s resources to become depleted (Sotah 5a). The
Sages further state (ibid.) that regarding an arrogant person, Hashem says, “He and I cannot dwell together in the world.’’ Rabbi Elazar said: “Whoever is arrogant will not awaken at the time of the Resurrection” (ibid.). This last punishment is measure for
measure. Instead of pondering the fact that he will ultimately be laid to rest in the earth, the arrogant person acts as if he will enjoy prominence forever, living a life of stature in which he will always be a notch above everyone else. Because of his sinful
attitude, when his body will become part of the dust of the earth, it will lack the power to come back to life. When everyone else will return to life, he will remain asleep, underneath the feet of the people above whom he had glorified himself.
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Furthermore, arrogance makes one repulsive before Hashem, as it is written, “Despicable to Hashem are all who are arrogant of heart” (Mishlei 16:5). |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 137 – Constructive Speech??
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As in the case of loshon hora, the prohibition of rechilus involves meaningless or destructive gossip only. Reporting to a person concerning what someone else said or did against him l’toeles, for a constructive purpose, is not
considered speaking rechilus and may, in fact, be considered a mitzvah.
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However, a clear understanding of the conditions which make such reporting permissible, complemented by a generous dose of objectivity, are absolute prerequisites for conveying such information.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Despair
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Another primary reason why people speak loshon hora is despair, meaning that they despair of being able to live by the Torah’s laws of proper speech. There are those who convince themselves that anyone who interacts with others in normal business and social
relations cannot possibly live by these laws. To support this contention, they cite the Talmudic statement that “everyone is guilty of loshon hora” (Bava Basra 165a).? Of course, they are grossly mistaken.
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It is a known axiom of Jewish belief that Hashem does not make excessive demands of His creations. If the Torah places a certain obligation upon us, then surely its fulfillment is within our reach. Would adherence to the laws of shmiras haloshon be an inordinately
difficult achievement, then it would be optional, a matter for the exceedingly righteous who strive to perfect themselves in ways that others never attempt. In fact, to refrain from speaking loshon hora is required by the Torah, and involves numerous commandments.
Obviously, the Creator has endowed every Jewish soul with the ability to observe these laws.
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“A God of faith without iniquity” (Devarim 32:4) — God created man to be righteous, not wicked (Sifre ad loc.). This means that Hashem endowed each Jew with the ability to observe all of His commandments, for if not, it would be unfair to hold him accountable
for their transgression.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 137 – Constructive Speech??
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As in the case of loshon hora, the prohibition of rechilus involves meaningless or destructive gossip only. Reporting to a person concerning what someone else said or did against him l’toeles, for a constructive purpose, is not
considered speaking rechilus and may, in fact, be considered a mitzvah.
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However, a clear understanding of the conditions which make such reporting permissible, complemented by a generous dose of objectivity, are absolute prerequisites for conveying such information.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Despair
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Another primary reason why people speak loshon hora is despair, meaning that they despair of being able to live by the Torah’s laws of proper speech. There are those who convince themselves that anyone who interacts with others in normal business and social
relations cannot possibly live by these laws. To support this contention, they cite the Talmudic statement that “everyone is guilty of loshon hora” (Bava Basra 165a).? Of course, they are grossly mistaken.
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It is a known axiom of Jewish belief that Hashem does not make excessive demands of His creations. If the Torah places a certain obligation upon us, then surely its fulfillment is within our reach. Would adherence to the laws of shmiras haloshon be an inordinately
difficult achievement, then it would be optional, a matter for the exceedingly righteous who strive to perfect themselves in ways that others never attempt. In fact, to refrain from speaking loshon hora is required by the Torah, and involves numerous commandments.
Obviously, the Creator has endowed every Jewish soul with the ability to observe these laws.
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“A God of faith without iniquity” (Devarim 32:4) — God created man to be righteous, not wicked (Sifre ad loc.). This means that Hashem endowed each Jew with the ability to observe all of His commandments, for if not, it would be unfair to hold him accountable
for their transgression.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 139 – Nothing to be Gained??????????
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In a situation where a person has been caused damage, it is forbidden to inform him of the perpetrator’s identity unless there is a reasonable chance that this will serve a constructive purpose. The fact that one personally observed
an improper act does not automatically justify informing the victim. If restitution seems unlikely and there is no possibility that the victim will unsuspectingly be vulnerable to further harm, nothing positive will be accomplished by telling the victim who
was responsible; to reveal the perpetrator’s identity is to speak rechilus.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Within Everyone’s Reach
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Any Jew who reflects upon his ways regularly, and resolves to scrupulously refrain from speaking the forbidden, will surely succeed in attaining the quality of shmiras haloshon. As our Sages teach, one who seeks to purify himself is granted Heavenly assistance
(Shabbos 104a). They further state that if a person sincerely strives to be a tzaddik (righteous individual), then Hashem will assign him an angel who will treat him as a tzaddik; and if he will sincerely strive to be a chassid (exceedingly righteous individual),
then Hashem will assign him an angel who will treat him as a chassid (Tanna D’vei Eliyahu Zuta ch. 3).
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The Talmud qualifies the statement, “Everyone is [guilty of speaking] loshon hora” (Bava Basra 165a) by saying that this refers not to actual loshon hora, but to avak loshon hara (the dust of loshon hara); that is, statements which can lead to loshon hora being
spoken or from which negative information can be inferred.1 Moreover, Maharsha (ibid.) comments that “everyone” refers only to a person who is not careful in matters of speech, and speaks whatever comes to mind. Such a person will surely be guilty of speaking
avak loshon hora. The Sages did not, Heaven forfend, mean that it is impossible for anyone to be free of this sin. With knowledge of the relevant laws and proper zealousness, any Jew can acquire the golden quality of shmiras haloshon.
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1.?As an example, it is forbidden to praise someone in the presence of his enemies, as his enemies will probably respond by voicing their criticism of him. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 140 – Fact or Hearsay
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For a statement to be excluded from the realm of rechilus and be classified instead as constructive, several conditions are necessary.
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Condition #1:
Most important is that one ascertain that the information is fully accurate. This involves both verification of the facts as well as a clear understanding of the situation (as was discussed regarding conveying negative information for a constructive purpose).
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The commandment, “Do not stand aside while your fellow’s blood is being shed” (Vayikra?19:16), obligates
us to report constructive information if our knowledge of it is firsthand. Should one choose to speak of an alleged occurrence that he did not personally witness in order to save his fellow Jew from possible harm, it must be clearly stated that the information
is based on hearsay and is not to be accepted as fact.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Without Rule or Regulation
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A primary cause of speaking loshon hora is that people consider matters of speech as without rule or regulation. Tragically, many do not even consider speaking loshon hora a sin. Such blatant disregard for this severe prohibition weakens the resolve of those
who might otherwise be cautious with their words.
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The following parable is a fitting response to the above situation:
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A sizable portion of a city’s inhabitants contracted a dreaded disease. All the city’s doctors despaired of curing the stricken. One day, a world-renowned physician appeared who was known for his ability to restore the seriously ill to their original health.
The illness that had swept through the city was viewed as incurable, and thus many doubted that even this doctor could save them. One sick man, however, hurried to the doctor’s lodgings at the first opportunity. “Where are you rushing?’’ one of his friends
asked. “No one else seems to be in a hurry to see this doctor.’’
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“Foolish man,’’ the patient replied. “A wise person understands that when one’s life is at stake, even the most remote possibility of a cure must be pursued. In this case, the possibility is not at all remote. This doctor has earned himself a reputation as
being able to heal when no one else can. He has cured people who were at death’s door. Should I neglect to seek his expertise because so many fools ignore this opportunity for salvation?’’
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If the above argument is true regarding physical health, how much more so does it apply regarding spiritual health. King David declared, “Go, O sons, heed me ... Which man desires life, who loves days of seeing good? Guard your tongue from evil, and your lips
from speaking deceit” (Tehillim 34:12-14). Who is a greater healer of the spirit than King David, of blessed memory? One who ignores David’s advice will remain spiritually ill eternally, and will suffer retribution in this world as well, as explained above.
Surely, then, one should pay no heed to those who make light of this most severe sin.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 141 – Thorough Understanding???????????
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Condition #2:
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Even when one has personally witnessed a situation, he must avoid hastily concluding that one party has harmed, or is about to harm, another. Often, it is impossible to fully understand the attitude and behavior of one person towards another without a thorough
knowledge of their relationship until this point. What appears to be a sinister plot might actually be a plan of self defense. Exposing the “plotter” in such a case might leave the real victim vulnerable and defenseless.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Negativity
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Yet another primary cause of speaking loshon hora is? negativity, as it is written? “And you spoke very negatively in your tents and said ‘Because of Hashem’s hatred for us did He take us out of [the land of Egypt]’ (Devarim?1:27)”.
There are people who are wont to complain and find fault at every opportunity, to criticize the ways and words of their fellow even when, in fact, he acts toward others with sincerity and has not caused them the slightest bit of harm. Such people never give
others the benefit of the doubt; they assume every unintentional wrong to be deliberate, and are certain that it was done with malice. Whoever is afflicted with this terrible trait will speak loshon hora regularly, for he will view whatever others say or do
as intended against himself.
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One who seeks to rid himself of this destructive trait should contemplate its various ill effects; through such reflection, he will ultimately succeed in viewing others in a favorable light. |
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