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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 69 – Verbal Abuse
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It is permissible to speak negatively about someone who was guilty of verbal abuse, in order to comfort his victim.? The pain and humiliation caused by insulting speech can be minimized by pointing out to the victim that the perpetrator
lacks intelligence or discretion and that people do not take him seriously.
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At a later point in time, it would be important to help the victim understand the nature and problems of the perpetrator so that he can learn how to deal with the person and prevent recurrence of such incidents.?
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Keep Your Distance
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The anguish one will experience in the next world for having sat in the company of gossipers can be better understood with a parable:
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A group of men were enjoying each other’s company when police suddenly appeared to arrest one of them, a man of ill repute, for allegedly having committed a crime. The man was led off in chains and brought before the authorities, who interrogated him thoroughly.
Seeing how the accused steadfastly maintained his innocence, the authorities ordered that all those who were with him at the time of his arrest be taken into custody as well. They too were subjected to intense interrogation, in the hope that at least one of
them would provide information which would prove the accused’s guilt. These men were well aware that they themselves were not being accused of any wrongdoing. Yet they experienced deep regret for having associated with the accused. Had they kept distant from
him, they would not have suffered the humiliation, intimidation and fear to which they were subjected.
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When in the end they were released unharmed, they made sure to never again associate with that individual.
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How careful one must be to avoid gossipers! When one feels his resolve weakening, out of fear of being labeled an outcast, he should tell himself: “It is enough that I will have to stand judgment for my own sins; need I suffer for the sins of others as well?’’
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 71 – Possible Harm???????
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Unlike other cases of constructive purpose, protecting someone from possible harm is permissible even when no firsthand information is available.? If one happens to hear that one Jew is plotting to harm another, it is permissible
to advise the potential victim to beware of the suspected plotter.? In such a case, where the suspicions are based on hearsay, the information must not be presented as fact.? It should be clearly stated that the concerns stem from unconfirmed secondhand information
that may or may not be true.
The Chofetz Chaim maintains that although one who fails to warn his fellow Jew of impending danger is in violation of, “Do not stand aside while your fellow’s blood is being shed,” this does not apply when one is unable to personally verify that danger does,
indeed, exist.? Nevertheless, it is proper to convey even secondhand information if this might spare someone harm.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Self-Destruction
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In his last will and testament, Rambam writes: “Prophets prophesied and wise men spoke many words of wisdom regarding the wickedness of strife — and they did not plumb its full depth.’’ Thus, any attempt to fully describe the great destructiveness of strife
will be insufficient. We will therefore offer only brief citations concerning this matter, and allow the man of intellect to ponder it further.
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The Midrash states:
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R’ Berechiah said: How destructive is strife! The Heavenly Court does not exact punishment [from the living] until the age of twenty; the [Jewish] courts on this earth do not punish until the age of thirteen [for a male]; yet in the dispute involving Korach,
infants were swallowed up into the abyss, as it is written, “... with their wives, children, and infants ... The earth opened its mouth and swallowed them and their households .... they and all that was theirs descended alive to the pit” (Bamidbar 16:27, 32-33).
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The Sages taught: Four are classified as “wicked’’: one who extends his hand to strike his fellow, even if he does not actually strike him; one who borrows and does not repay; a brazen person who has no sense of shame before those of greater stature than himself;
and one who engages in strife. Regarding this last sinner, it is written, “Turn away now from the tents of these wicked men [i.e. Korach and his group]’’ (ibid. v. 26).
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How much inner shame should one feel for having been the cause of dispute! Would a person not be unforgiving if someone called him a rasha (wicked person) even in private, with no one else present? Should not a person be overcome with shame for having caused
himself to be deserving of this description?! |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 70 – Serious Threats
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The Torah commands us: “Do not stand aside while your fellow’s blood is being shed (Vayikra 19:16)”.? We are obligated to spare no effort in preventing our fellow Jew from suffering physical, emotional, or monetary damage.
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In a situation where a potential victim is unaware that he is being threatened, one is required to warn him even though this will reflect negatively on the person or persons responsible.? Speech of this sort is not merely permissible, it is obligatory.? Nevertheless,
one must be certain that conditions which render speech constructive have been appropriately met (see Days 42-50).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Strife
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It is obvious that one should do everything in his power to avoid becoming involved in strife and dispute. For Jews to feud with one another is a dreadful sin that is often accompanied by a host of other severe transgressions. These are: speaking loshon hora
and rechilus;1 becoming overcome with baseless hatred (sinas chinam); causing hurt through words (onaas devarim); embarrassing one’s fellow; seeking revenge; bearing a grudge; expressing a wish for another’s misfortune; and actively seeking to deny him his
livelihood. At times, strife also leads to chilul Hashem, desecration of Hashem’s Name, an exceedingly severe sin.
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Strife often leads to the sin of flattery, as the disputants fawn upon others in order to gain their support, and to mockery, as each side ridicules the other in order to draw people into its camp. Our Sages state that initially Heaven exacts suffering as punishment
for mockery; ultimately, the consequences of this sin can be devastating (see Avodah Zara 18b).
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Even if initially a disputant intends to avoid engaging in the kind of sinful behavior described above, he will ultimately transgress some or all of these sins. This unfortunate truth is known to all.
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The evil inclination has two prime avenues through which he draws even men of spiritual stature into this morass: anger and a desire to triumph. When a person is overcome by these destructive emotions, then what is clearly wrong and contrary to Torah becomes
the proper path. He will find a myriad of reasons why the negative behavior described above is permissible and even desirable. In the end, he will become convinced that it is a mitzvah to defame his adversary and absolutely forbidden to show him any mercy.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 72 – Overhearing a Threat
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An obvious case where conveying negative information is required is where a person is overheard plotting to harm someone.? While we have seen that when a Jew may be in danger, even secondhand information can be related, it is imperative
that one first determine that the plot is apparently serious and not a bad joke.?
The condition that one first reprove the person against whom he intends to speak (see Day 45) applies only if one believes he can change the alleged plotter’s attitude.? Otherwise, warning him would only induce him to modify the plot to ensure that it not be
uncovered.
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The remaining conditions are required here no less than in an ordinary case of constructive speech:? One’s intent must be solely to avert harm (and not, for example, for the pleasure of thwarting the plotter); if an alternative exists – including not revealing
the identity of the plotter – then that avenue must be pursued.? Also, one must be reasonably sure that the plotter will not be caused undue harm.? If the potential victim is known to be hot-tempered and can be expected to take revenge, he cannot be spoken
to.? Alternative means would have to be found to protect the victim without endangering the plotter.? (The case of one who overhears a plotter will be discussed in greater detail in the laws of rechilus, gossipmongering.)
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Work of Satan
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Much of Satan’s efforts are directed toward inciting strife, and toward ensuring that once a feud has erupted, it does not end quickly. The Talmud relates:
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There were two people whom Satan regularly incited, so that at every twilight period [on the eve of Shabbos] they fought with one another. R’ Meir visited there and restrained them for three such twilight periods until he made peace between them. He subsequently
heard Satan say: “Woe, that R’ Meir has removed that one [i.e. Satan] from his house [i.e. from the place where he was previously welcome]!’’ (Gittin 52a).
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The Midrash states that the Hebrew word for ?“dispute” is an acronym for plague; ?wrath; affliction; curse; conclusion; for ultimately, strife brings destruction upon man.
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The greater the stature of the disputant, the greater is his sin. This is why the Torah underscores the fact that those who joined Korach in his rebellion were “leaders of the assembly, those summoned for meeting, men of renown” (Bamidbar 16:2)
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Keep reading Day 73, the lesson for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 73 – Consumer Protection???
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Consumer protection is an important – but sensitive – area which allows for information to be conveyed
濒’迟辞别濒别蝉, for a constructive purpose.
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If a storekeeper hands a customer too little change, or charges him for something he did not purchase, one must not assume that the storekeeper is dishonest or careless – we all make mistakes.? If this happens often, one must bring the matter to the storekeeper’s
attention and inform him that if the practice continues, one will have no choice but to inform his clientele.? If the situation still does not change, one is required to warn people to count their change carefully and examine their receipts for any mistakes.?
It is forbidden to insinuate that the man is dishonest even if one has reason to suspect so, since it is sufficient for people to think that he is careless (or has problems with his arithmetic) for them to take the necessary precautions.
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It would also be forbidden to inform hot-headed individuals who, for example, might vandalize the store in the name of justice.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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When Heaven is Unrelenting
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Our Sages state (Mishnas R’ Eliezer ch. 4):
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In three instances the Holy One, Blessed is He, relented regarding idol worship, but was unrelenting regarding strife.
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Idol worship was initiated in the days of Enosh, as the Torah states: “Then to call in the Name of Hashem became profaned” (Bereishis
4:26). God spared that generation [from total destruction] only because harmony prevailed among the people. In the generation of the Flood, however, strife was prevalent, as is evident from the robbery that was found among them. It was this which sealed
their fate, as it is written, “The end of all flesh has come before Me, for the earth is filled with robbery through them; and behold, I am about to destroy them from the earth” (ibid. 6:13).
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In the Wilderness, God was forgiving of the sin of the Golden Calf, but He was unrelenting when strife was found among the people. Wherever strife was found, a great punishment followed. Particularly illustrative of this is the episode of Korach.
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When the idol of Michah was erected, God granted time for repentance, because peace reigned among the people. Thus it is written, “And the sons of Dan erected the idol, and Yehonasan, son of Gershom, son of Menashe, he along with his sons, were priests for
the tribe of Dan until the [people of] the land were exiled” (Shoftim 18:30). However, when the Ten Tribes initiated a feud with the tribes of Yehudah and Binyamin, each side became a source of punishment for the other, as it is written, “Aviah [King
of Yehudah] and his people smote them mightily. Five hundred thousand chosen men fell slain from Israel” (II Divrei
HaYamim 13:17). And when the tribes of Yehudah and Binyamin sinned, the Ten Tribes came and attacked them, as it is written, “In that Pekach son of Remaliahu slew one hundred and twenty thousand in one day” (ibid. 28:6)
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Thus, feuding parties become tools of punishment against one another.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
? Day 74 – A Better Deal
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It is permissible to inform friends and neighbors of a store where they can obtain items of better quality or at better prices than at the store where they usually shop.
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Here too certain conditions have to be met:
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One should know the information firsthand.? (If one cannot verify the information firsthand, he would have to say, “I have heard, but have not verified that…” [see Day 43].)? He must be certain that the quality of the other merchandise is superior (brand names
are not necessarily better); where there is a significant difference in price, one must verify that the less expensive item is not inferior in quality to the more expensive one.
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There must also be no suspicion that the preferred store is dealing in stolen merchandise, as Halachah(1)?? prohibits purchasing stolen goods.
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In conveying the information, it is important not to imply that the first storekeeper is overcharging or is guilty of selling inferior products; one must convey the pertinent information without being judgmental.? Furthermore, since people often view high pricing
in a negative way, the information may be considered derogatory and could only be conveyed for a constructive purpose.? Consequently, one may only relate the information to people who may be interested in making a purchase.? Discussing the matter for the sake
of making conversation might constitute loshon hora (2).
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Finally, one should consider why he deems it necessary to relate the information altogether.? Perhaps it would be better not to get involved and refrain from any action which would affect the storekeeper’s income.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Peace in Two Worlds
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Sefer Ma’alos HaMiddos (24) states:
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How damaging is strife! — it can imperil one’s very life. It was the feud between the shepherds of Avraham and the shepherds of Lot that caused Lot to move away from Avraham and settle in Sodom where he almost perished along with the rest of the Sodomites.
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Our Sages state (Derech Eretz Zuta ch. 9): “A home in which there is strife will ultimately be destroyed; a synagogue in which there is strife will see its congregants dispersed, and ultimately will be made desolate; a city in which there is strife will become
a place of bloodshed. Two Torah scholars in a single city or two rabbinical courts in a single city who feud with one another — their end will be death. Moreover, strife between rabbinical courts brings destruction to the world. For when there is peace among
God’s legions on this world, there is peace among the Heavenly legions, as it is written, “Who builds His upper chambers in the Heavens, and His union is established upon the earth” (Amos 9:6). When are His upper chambers “built’’? When “His union is established
on this earth,’’ meaning, when the Jewish nation is united in peace.
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Footnotes and Background:
1.?????? Halacha – The Jewish law.
2.?????? Loshon Horah – Harmful speech which damages relationships between Jews.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 75 – Unsafe Products
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It is permissible to warn people that a product is dangerous – that is, if the warning is truly warranted.? Countless items are potentially dangerous if misused, and many processed foods are unhealthy if consumed in large quantities;
in such cases, labeling the item “dangerous” is wrong.? Labeling an item as unsafe is justified only if such a declaration is considered reasonable by normal standards.? (See Day 43, condition 2.)? Furthermore, if the information is not known firsthand, this
must be mentioned when relating the information (see Day 43).
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If the manufacturer is Jewish, he must be spoken to first (see Day 45).? Failure to fulfill the above conditions would render the statement loshon hora as it would cause harm to the manufacturer, as well as to the consumer who will needlessly avoid the product.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Disparaging a Torah Scholar
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While it is a sin to quarrel with any Jew, the sin is greater when one initiates a feud with a Torah scholar. And when one’s adversary is his own Torah teacher, the sin is magnified manifold.
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It is the way of warring parties to disparage one another, and it is regarding one who disparages a Torah scholar that our Sages apply the verse, “For he scorned the word of Hashem and broke His commandment; that person will surely be cut off, his sin is upon
him” (Bamidbar 15:31).
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The Talmud relates (Shabbos 119b) that the sin of shaming Torah scholars led to the destruction of Jerusalem, as it is written, “But they mocked the messengers of God, despised His words and scoffed at His prophets, to a point that the anger of Hashem rose
against His people, without any possibility of abatement” (II Divrei HaYamim 36:16).
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The Talmud further states: “R’ Yehoshua ben Levi said: Whoever speaks disparagingly of a deceased Torah scholar descends into Gehinnom” (Berachos 19a).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 76 – Kashrus??????
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A most sensitive area of constructive speech is that of kashrus.
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Raising doubts regarding the reliability of a hechsher (rabbinical endorsement) without reliable information constitutes speaking loshon hora.? If one has reason to suspect that a hechsher is inferior, the matter should be discussed with a competent rav, who
can offer guidance as to how one should proceed.? Even if one rav suggests that a hechsher not be relied upon, this does not necessarily mean that the hechsher is definitely unreliable. ?It is the rav of the community who should decide the status of a hechsher
for his constituents, or else direct them to a recognized posek (halachic authority) for his decision.
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In a case of a questionable product manufactured by a local Orthodox Jew who assumes responsibility for his product and does not operate under a hechsher, extreme caution must be exercised before declaring the product non-kosher.? Only the local rav or posek
is in a position to decide the halachic status of the item, after taking all factors into consideration.? Causing a Jew to close down his business is a very serious matter and preventing such a situation may even outweigh the observance of chumros (unrequired
halachic stringencies) generally kept by the community.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Playing with Fire
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The Talmud states:
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R’ Chisda said: One who argues against his Torah teacher [and incites others to join him] is considered as if he argued against the Divine Presence, as it is written [regarding Korach’s rebellion against Moshe], “... when he [Korach] contended against Hashem”
(Bamidbar 26:9). R’ Chama bar Chanina said: One who initiates a dispute with his Torah teacher is considered as if he had initiated a dispute with the Divine Presence, as it is written, “They are the waters of strife, where the Children of Israel contended
with Hashem” (ibid. 20:13) ... R’ Chanina bar Pappa said: One who voices complaints against his teacher is considered as if he voiced complaints against the Divine Presence ... R’ Avahu said: Whoever is skeptical of his teacher is considered as if he were
skeptical of the Divine Presence.
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The above infractions are listed in descending order of severity. We see, however, that even to view the conduct or teachings of one’s Torah teacher with skepticism is in itself a severe sin.
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How foolish are those who are quick to initiate disputes against the rabbi or av beis din (head of the rabbinical court) of their city, and ignore the severe punishment which they are likely to incur, both in this world and the next!
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The verse, “You shall honor the presence of a sage” (Vayikra 19:32) requires us to show respect for Torah scholars. Commenting on this verse, the Midrash (Bamidbar Rabbah 15:13) speaks harshly of one who fails to accord his rabbi proper respect. Surely, to
initiate a dispute between the local community and its rabbi is a sin of far greater severity and demands far greater retribution.
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