Shmirat Haloshon

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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 34 – Harmful Praise
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Praise which has absolutely no negative connotations can, at times, fall under the category of avak loshon hora.? It is forbidden to publicize a person’s hospitality or generosity if this will cause the insincere and undeserving to take advantage of the person, causing him monetary loss and emotional discomfort.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Don’t Despair
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Sefer Ma’alos Hamiddos continues:
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David said, “Seek peace and pursue it” (Tehillim 34:15), meaning: Seek peace for your friends and pursue it among your enemies; seek peace where you dwell and pursue it in other places; seek peace with your body and pursue it with your resources;1 seek peace for yourself and pursue it for others; seek peace today and pursue it tomorrow.
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Never despair and say, “It is impossible to make peace!” Rather, pursue peace until you attain it. How should you “pursue peace”? Speak words of peace when a feud has erupted, and put aside personal pride for the sake of the community. This was the way of Moshe, our Teacher, as it is written, “So Moshe stood up and went to Dasan and Aviram” (Bamidbar 16:25).2
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To pursue peace is to put aside one’s personal affairs in order to make peace between husband and wife, man and his neighbor, teacher and student. Even to arrange a meal between feuding parties as a way of reconciling them is to pursue peace.
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1. I.e. there are times when one must be willing to suffer monetary loss in order to maintain peace. In his conclusion of Sefer Shmiras HaLoshon (Part I), the Chofetz Chaim writes that a person can avoid minor monetary disputes by deciding in his mind to set aside a certain sum each year as “peace money.” This will allow him to relent easily when such disagreements arise. The Chofetz Chaim reasons that just as the average Jew is willing to extend himself in order to fulfill mitzvos such as arba minim on Succos or matzah on Pesach —which can involve considerable expense — so too should he be willing to spend money so that he can reap the priceless benefits of avoiding strife and loshon hora, overlooking the hurt caused him, and pursuing peace.
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2. Dasan and Aviram had joined with Korach in a rebellion against Moshe’s leadership.

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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 35 – Praise in the Presence of Adversaries
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Praising a person in a situation where someone present is likely to temper such praise with criticism is another form of avak loshon hora.? It is forbidden to praise in the presence of anyone who is known to dislike him, as it is common for such people to respond by mentioning the person’s shortcomings.
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Therefore, it is wrong to praise someone in the presence of a large group of people, since there is a reasonable chance that at least one person in the group dislikes him.
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Likewise, it is forbidden to praise a businessman in the presence of his competitors even if they claim to harbor no ill will towards him.
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Excessive praise should always be avoided for it can often cause people to respond negatively even when they have no particular dislike for the person being discussed.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Exceedingly Precious
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Sefer Ma’alos HaMiddos continues to demonstrate that the attribute of peace is exceedingly precious:
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After creating heaven and earth, God’s next task was the creation of light (Bereishis 1:3), and light represents peace, as it is written, “Who forms light and creates darkness, makes peace and creates evil” (Yeshayahu 45:7). The Sages rule that when one has to choose between purchasing Shabbos candles or wine for Kiddush, Shabbos candles take precedence, for their light brings harmony to one’s home (Shabbos 23b).
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The Mishnah (Gittin 5:8) lists a number of enactments which were instituted to promote harmony among the community: “These things were declared [by the Sages] because they are among the ways that foster harmony: A Kohen reads first [from the Torah scroll in the synagogue], and after him a Levi, and after him a Yisrael, because this is [one of the] ways that foster harmony ...”1 And so it is written, “Her [the Torah’s] ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peaceful” (Mishlei 3:17).
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The Midrash (Bamidbar Rabbah 15:13) enumerates thirteen items which are exceedingly precious to Hashem, as evident by Scripture’s use of the term “for Me”, in connection with them, thus signifying their being God’s prized possessions. Yet, only with regard to peace is the term “for Me”, used
twice, as it is written, “If he would grasp My fortress, he would make peace for Me, peace would he make for Me” (Yeshayahu 27:5).
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By creating an immutable order for the Torah reading, the Sages prevented quarreling among the community (Rashi).

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