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Shmirat Haloshon

 

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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 20 – Baalei Teshuvah
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In Day 8, we saw that one may not mention that someone is a baal teshuvah if either the speaker or listener considers this derogatory (which, in fact, it is not).? Based on the prohibition against relating negative information or information that could cause harm or hurt, it is permissible to relate that a person is a baal teshuvah only if, in addition to the speaker and listener not considering this to be derogatory, the baal teshuvah himself is open about his past and if this fact were mentioned in his presence he would not feel hurt; or (in a case where the baal teshuvah is sensitive about his past) the listener is known to be discreet and the information will never be passed on to others.
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The Shechinah Departs
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The sin of loshon hora causes the Shechinah (Divine Presence) to remove itself from our midst.
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The Midrash (Devarim Rabbah 5:10) states:
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R’ Mona said: Whoever speaks loshon hora causes the Shechinah to ascend from this world. As David said: “My soul is among lions, I lie with men who are aflame, people whose teeth are spears and arrows, and whose tongue is a sharp sword. Be exalted above the heavens, O God, above all the earth be Your glory” (Tehillim 57:5-6).
David’s intent was: “Master of the Universe: Why is Your Presence manifest on this world [when such sinners are present]? Remove it to Your heavenly abode.”
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Regarding the gossiper does Hashem say: “He and I cannot dwell together in this world” (Arachin 15b). Furthermore, the second Destruction occurred because of the gossipers who caused sinas chinam (baseless hatred) to reign among the people (Yoma 9b).
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One who causes strife among friends is despicable in the eyes of Hashem, and his sin is too great to bear. King Solomon said: “Six things are hated by HASHEM, and the seventh is despised by Him. Haughty eyes, a tongue of falsehood, hands which shed innocent blood... and one who incites quarrels among brothers” (Mishlei 6:16- 19). Our Sages state that the seventh sin is the worst of all.1
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1. Vayikra Rabbah 16:1. Yefei Toar (ad loc.) explains that evil talk can ultimately lead to murder and other heinous sins. Thus, it is potentially the worst sin of all (see comment of Maharsha cited in Day 18).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 23 – When the Subject Approves
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Unlike statements that are derogatory, a non-derogatory but potentially harmful statement can be made about a person if it is clear that he does not object.
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If someone regularly talks about his inability to remember even his own phone number, it would not be forbidden for others to repeat that statement, provided that neither the speaker not the listener thinks any less of the person on account of his poor memory.
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Certainly, if a person explicitly grants permission for others to disclose potentially harmful information about himself, they are permitted to do so, provided that the information is not derogatory.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Powerful Words
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The power of speech is the great tool with which man can build heaven and earth, as it is written, “And I have placed My words in your mouth ... to implant the heavens and to set a base for the earth ...” (Yeshayahu 51:16). The prophet speaks in a most literal sense, for through the sacred words of Torah study and prayer that a Jew utters on this earth, exalted worlds and angels are created Above. With regard to the latter, the Mishnah states: “He who fulfills even a single mitzvah gains for himself a single advocate” (Avos 4:13). By “advocate,” the Mishnah means that these angels will intercede on the person’s behalf before the Heavenly Throne.
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The level of sanctity of these worlds and angels is contingent upon two factors: the spiritual readiness of the person at the time he performed the mitzvah, and the quality of the medium through which the mitzvah was performed. A person who avoids loshon hora and utilizes his power of speech in a positive way is forever enhancing the spiritual power of his words. Thus, the Torah study and prayer which emanate from his lips are endowed with an exalted spiritual light. Conversely, if a person defiles his mouth with words of gossip, mockery, falsehood and the like, with what sort of sanctity can his words of study and prayer be endowed? He is a craftsman who has severely damaged his indispensable tool. His only recourse is to mend his ways and refine his power of speech.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 24 – Public Knowledge But Harmful
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We have seen that it is forbidden to speak in a derogatory manner even if the information being conveyed was already known to the listener.? This is because the act of speaking negatively is inherently wrong.
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Conversely, it stands to reason that a non-derogatory but potentially harmful statement can be made in the presence of anyone who is already aware of the information, unless the speaker emphasizes some point that the listener may not have realized previously.? This is because the statement will not be cause for any harm which otherwise would not have come about.
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Rambam takes this a step further, stating that if a potentially harmful statement was made in the presence of three people, the three are permitted to relate the information in conversation with others.? This is because each of the three can assume that the other two will probably make the information public anyway.? However, this would not be permissible if either:
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One of the three is known to be discreet or especially careful regarding the laws of forbidden speech, or
The person’s intent in relating the information is to publicize the matter yet further.
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According to the Chofetz Chaim, Rambam permits any of the three to repeat the information even if it is derogatory.
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The Chofetz Chaim fails to find justification for such leniency; furthermore, he discourages reliance on Rambam’s opinion with regard to loshon hora spoken in the presence of three, as most other commentators seem to disagree with his ruling.? Thus, one should never relate derogatory information, even when it was related to three or more listeners.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Metzora’s Cry
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Zohar (Parashas Metzora) states:
The prayer of one who speaks loshon hora will not come before the Holy One, Blessed is He, for a ruach tamei (impure spirit) hovers over it. When he repents, and [sincerely] accepts upon himself the [various aspects of] repentance, then what is written of him? “On the day of his purification, he shall be brought before the Kohen” (Vayikra 14:2).1
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The above lends added clarity to the Torah’s instruction that the metzora (one who is afflicted with tzaraas for having spoken loshon hara2) call out to those who pass by, “[I am] contaminated, contaminated!” (ibid.13:45) so that they will pray for him. Since his own prayers will not be accepted Above, the Torah therefore advises him to request that others pray on his behalf.
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Scripture declares: “Take note of God’s work! For who can straighten what he has twisted?” (Koheles 7:13). We can interpret this as follows: Take note of God’s work! Ponder well the Heavenly fruits of a Jew’s prayer on this earth: prayer can radiate spiritual light and create exalted edifices in the Upper Worlds. Ensure, then, that your prayers be uttered with proper readiness, and by a mouth that is pure and unsullied by sin. For who can straighten what he has twisted? If one’s prayer will be lacking, then its spiritual products in the Upper Worlds will be lacking as well. This will bring eternal distress to one’s soul, for these are not earthly structures, which can be repaired or improved by a second craftsman.
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As Hillel declared: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?” (Avos 1:14). Only the person himself has the power to correct his past mistakes — through proper repentance and a firm resolve to live by the laws of proper speech.
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1. Homiletically, this means that having repented and achieved purification, the metzora is? assured that his prayers will, once again, gain acceptance Above.
2. Contrary to its common translation, tzaraas is not leprosy or some other bodily disease, but the physical manifestation of spiritual malady. As R’ Samson Raphael Hirsch demonstrates, if tzaraas were some biological disorder and the metzora’s confinement were to prevent contagion, then some of its related laws are inexplicable. For example, if the symptoms of tzaraas are found on a newlywed during the festive week following marriage, the Kohen does not pronounce the person tamei (impure) so as not to interfere with the festivities. Also, the Torah states that if one’s entire body is covered with tzaraas, he is tahor (pure), but if one spot on his body heals, then he is tamei
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 25 – Harming the Wicked
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We have seen that it is permissible to speak disparagingly concerning a rasha, wicked individual.
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With regard to potentially harmful speech, it is obvious that one may not say anything that could cause physical, financial or psychological harm to any person unless the Torah permits harming him.? Just as it is forbidden to steal from a sinner, so too it is forbidden to speak about him in a way that could cause him financial loss.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Points to Ponder
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The following is drawn from the writings of the holy Alshich:
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How can one speak before the King of kings with a mouth which utters forbidden talk? Would not God, as it were, respond, “Who is this shameful person who dares to beg forgiveness of his sins with a lowly tongue? Would he dare serve an earthly king with vessels which are covered with grime? Surely the king would punish him severely for such disgraceful service!”
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How can one contemplate singing the praises of Psalms before the “One Who spoke and the world came into being” with a tongue which speaks evil talk? Should not one refrain from bringing an unclean object into the Sanctuary of God — out of respect for the Glory that dwells there? Can one not feel a sense of shame, having taken that which was given him to serve his Creator, and transformed it into something despicable? Can one hope to seek God’s favor with a mouth that is impure? Can one transform an accuser into an advocate?
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 26 – About Children
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It is forbidden to speak loshon hora about children.? While most people understand that “kids are kids” and the Torah does not hold children responsible for their actions, if one speaks about a child in a manner that either the speaker or listener sees as derogatory, then the laws of shmiras haloshon have been violated.
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It is also forbidden to say or write something about a child that potentially could prove harmful to him.
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A teacher who is prepared to enter a negative comment on a student’s record should pause to contemplate the effect that entry might have on the student’s future educational and employment opportunities.
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Likewise, teachers should exercise caution and fairness when conveying their feelings concerning a student to his teacher for the coming year.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Pure and Untainted
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The Talmud states:
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Reish Lakish said in the name of R’ Yehudah Nesiah: “The world is sustained only in the merit of the breath [of? Torah study] of school children.”
Said R’ Pappa to Abaye: “And what is with yours and mine [i.e. our Torah study]?”
Abaye replied: “There is no comparison between breath that is tainted by sin and breath that is free of sin” (Shabbos 119b).
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If the Sages were, to their minds, guilty of forbidden speech, it could only have been an inadvertent and rare occurrence. Yet they declared their words of Divine service to be tainted because of this. How much more so is this true of one who habitually speaks the forbidden — especially loshon hora, which causes ill will and strife among Jews.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 27 – Repentance
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If one has uttered a potentially harmful statement about someone, he has committed a sin that is both bein adam la’Makom, between man and Hashem, and bein adam la’chaveiro, between man and his fellow.? Confession, regret and resolution for the future can only serve as teshuvah (repentance) for one’s sins before Hashem.? For sins against man, one must approach the person and beg forgiveness.
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This only applies to a situation where one’s speech has already caused damage. If a potentially damaging statement was made but no actual harm has resulted as of yet, it is the speaker’s responsibility to do his best to prevent this from happening.
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A practical way of accomplishing this would be to approach anyone who has heard the harmful information, and explain that it was inaccurate.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Poor Man’s Treasure
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A very noteworthy concept can be derived from the Talmud’s teaching that the world exists in the merit of the Torah study of children, and that their study is superior to that of the generation’s leading sages. This concept can be better understood with a parable:
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A poor man found a very rare, precious gem, which was commonly found only in the crowns of kings. This was a gem which could be used for a variety of very important purposes, a fact of which the poor man had no notion. The king of that country asked the poor man to give him the gem, and in return, rewarded him with great wealth and a position of prominence. Thus, the poor man received great reward not for what he knew, but for what he possessed.
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Torah study is the rare, precious gem and the young children, who are unaware of the Torah’s awesome sanctity and the depth of its wisdom, are like the poor man who does not perceive the gem’s true worth. Though they lack this understanding, nevertheless, they are personally sanctified and sustain the world through their study. This is because the awesome sanctity of Torah is an unchanging fact and is not dependent on any mental or other preparation on the part of the student. Whenever anyone studies Torah, he is naturally bound up with its sanctity. Thus does the prophet allude to the study of Torah when he says, “... whenever I speak of him I remember him more and more. Therefore, My inner self yearns for him...” (Yirmiyahu 31:19).
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However, when a person defiles his power of speech by speaking that which is forbidden, then the degree of spiritual light which he draws from the study of Torah is diminished.
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We can now better understand the Sages’ discussion cited above. R’ Pappa asked Abaye, “What of our Torah study? Do not the sacred thoughts which are so essential to our study make it superior to that of young children?” Abaye responded, “There is no comparison between breath that is tainted by sin and breath that is free of sin,” meaning that the purity of the children’s study outweighs whatever it lacks.
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L'ilui nishmas Yosef ben Dovid z"l
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Feige bas Reuven a"h
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 28 – Unknowing Victim
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A person who has caused harm to his fellow must ask forgiveness even if the victim is unaware that he has been harmed.
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A case in point is where an employee was being considered for promotion but was never informed of this possibility.? If someone violated the laws of loshon hora and made a statement to the employer which resulted in the promotion not being granted, he must approach the victim, explain what has happened, and beg forgiveness.
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However, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter is reported to have held that if relating the incident to the victim would cause him anguish, one would have to forego that aspect of the Tshuva process.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Comparisons
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Let us consider the above: The Sages of the Talmud were mighty cedars, whose thoughts were constantly bound up with Hashem. They were forever contemplating His greatness and His commandments, and their speech was exceedingly sacred and pure. If, in the course of speaking, it happened by chance that an improper word escaped their lips, surely they immediately engaged in an appropriate form of repentance. Nevertheless, even this rare improper utterance did damage to the sanctity of their power of speech, so that it was diminished from its previous level.
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What of ourselves, then, whose level of study in no way compares to that of the Sages of the Talmud? If we will defile our mouths with words of loshon hora, mockery, strife and the like — what sort of sanctity will be manifest through our Torah study?
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Let us compare our approaches to spiritual and material pursuits. When, for example, business matters are concerned, one does not cease from pondering ways by which to improve his enterprises and increase his profits. He is careful to remove any possible impediment to success. And no person of sound mind would intentionally do anything that could harm his very source of livelihood.
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Yet with spiritual pursuits the opposite is often the case. We ourselves bring about the ruination of the remnant that still remains with us — the bit of Torah study and prayer that we have. How? Through forbidden speech.
Keep reading Day 29, the lesson for Shabbos
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 29 – Other Means of Communication
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Having concluded our discussion of the two basic categories of loshon hora (derogatory or harmful information), it is important to note several rules that apply equally to both:
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Loshon hora is not limited to speech.? Included in this prohibition is communication of derogatory or harmful information through any means.? Therefore, writing loshon hora, or using code, sign or body language (e.g. a cynical smile or rolling one’s eyes upward in exasperation) that communicates something negative or harmful is forbidden.
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To show others a letter or article that would reflect badly on its author is forbidden, as is revealing the identity of the author of a work that is known to be of poor quality.
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It is also forbidden to show photographs of people which they would find embarrassing.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Forfeiting the Greatest of Treasures
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Speaking loshon hora can cause the inestimable merit of one’s Torah study to be forfeited. In the words of Midrash Shochar Tov (Tehillim ch. 52):
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Let not your mouth bring guilt on your flesh, and do not tell the emissary that it was an error. Why should God be angered by your speech and destroy the work of your hands? (Koheles 5:5).
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?Let not your mouth bring guilt on your flesh —by speaking loshon hora.
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Why should God be angered by your speech and destroy the work of your hands? — for you will lose the little Torah which you have to your credit.
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The intent of this Midrash is that, as already discussed,1 speaking loshon hora causes the speaker’s merits to be transferred to the Heavenly account of the person against whom he spoke.
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When a Jew studies Torah, he perfects his entire being, for he draws upon himself a spirit of sanctity, which gives vitality to his body in this world and to his soul in the next world. Thus do the Sages teach (Eruvin 54a): “One who feels pain in his head should study Torah... One who feels pain in his throat should study Torah... One who feels pain in his entire body should study Torah, as it is written (Mishlei 4:22), ‘And a cure for his entire flesh.’ ”
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And all this can be lost through speaking loshon hora.
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  1. See Day 17.
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As we count the days to matan Torah, we mourn the loss of Rabbi Akiva’s 24,000 talmidim. Chazal tell us that a lack of kavod between them caused this calamity.? Let us take this to heart and prepare ourselves for matan Torah by improving bein adam lachaveiro. A great way to ensure that each day we count is a day of growth, is to learn two halachos of Shmiras Haloshon Yomi. Join us on this journey to kabalas Hatorah, and may we arrive together, k’ish echad b’lev echad!
Good Chodesh!
Dedicated l’zecher nishmas Berel ben Hirsh z”l, by his children Dr. and Mrs. Reuven Shanik
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 30 – Without Names
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All forms of loshon hora are prohibited even when no names are mentioned, if it will be possible for people to determine who is being discussed.
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Furthermore, if names are omitted but the story will reflect badly on an entire group of people, it may not be spoken.? Speaking critically about an unnamed student at a yeshiva is often taken as a statement about the entire student body or as a reflection on yeshiva students in general.? If this is the implication, the statement is a more serious form of loshon hora, for it reflects on a multitude of Jews.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Rewards
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Zohar states (Parashas Chukas) that one who is zealous in avoiding forbidden speech becomes enveloped in a spirit of sanctity.
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Midrash Tanchuma (Tehillim 52:2) states: “The Holy One, Blessed is He, said: ‘If you seek to escape [the punishments of] Gehinnom, distance yourselves from loshon hora. Through this, you will be deemed meritorious in this world and the next.’ ”
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The Torah states: “You shall not eat flesh of an animal that was torn in the field; to the dog shall you throw it” (Shemos 2:30). In fact, it is permitted to dispose of such meat in other ways as well. However, the Torah says to throw such meat to dogs as a way of reward for their not having howled at any Jew on the night of the Exodus (ibid. 11:7), for Hashem does not deprive any creature of its just reward. Surely, then, there is infinite reward reserved for man, who, through his own free choice, refrains from speaking the forbidden (Mechilta, Parashas Mishpatim 20).
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As we count the days to matan Torah, we mourn the loss of Rabbi Akiva’s 24,000 talmidim. Chazal tell us that a lack of kavod between them caused this calamity.? Let us take this to heart and prepare ourselves for matan Torah by improving bein adam lachaveiro. A great way to ensure that each day we count is a day of growth, is to learn two halachos of Shmiras Haloshon Yomi. Join us on this journey to kabalas Hatorah, and may we arrive together, k’ish echad b’lev echad!
Good Chodesh!
Dedicated l’zecher nishmas Berel ben Hirsh z”l, by his children Dr. and Mrs. Reuven Shanik
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 31 – Slander
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All forms of loshon hora are prohibited even when the information is true and accurate.? (Only in very specific circumstances is it permissible to say something that would otherwise be considered loshon hora; this will be discussed later.)
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Slander, which is information that is not true, referred to as hotzaas shem ra (lit., spreading a bad name), is worse than loshon hora which is derogatory but true.
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To relate derogatory information that is essentially true but includes either exaggerations or even slight altering of facts is also considered hotzaas shem ra.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Quality of Peace
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Through shmiras haloshon one is blessed with the precious quality of peace. By refraining from speaking ill of others, one ensures that he will not be the object of their enmity; to the contrary, others will love him and confide in him, and surely will not speak ill of him.
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Peace is precious, for in its merit, God does not allow Satan to harm the Jewish people, even when idolatry is found among them (Bamidbar Rabbah 11:16).1
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One who accustoms himself to speaking favorably of others merits that God refers to him as Peace, which is one of God’s own Names.2 Conversely, with regard to the gossiper, the Sages state: “One who dines with his fellow and then speaks disparagingly of him is referred to by the Holy One, Blessed is He, as, evil, as it is written, “Deceit in the heart of those who plot evil” (Mishlei 12:20).
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One who belittles others will, in the end, be the object of scorn — aside from the retribution that he will incur. The early commentators find an allusion to this in the verse, “Just as he inflicted a wound upon a person, so will be inflicted upon him” (Vayikra 24:20). Moreover, by speaking loshon hora, one becomes an object of contempt even in the eyes of his listener, who accepted his sinful words as truth. As the Sages put it, “False witnesses are contemptible even in the eyes of those who hire them” (Sanhedrin 29a). And his listeners will forever suspect that he might one day speak ill of them.
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1. See Day 19.
2. as derived from Shoftim 6:24.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 32 – Non Kosher Entertainment
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It is forbidden to relate a story for entertainment purposes only, if it contains derogatory or harmful information.
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To relate an amusing incident that would cause embarrassment to any of the people involved if told in their presence constitutes speaking loshon hora.? Many a humorous situation is actually quite painful to the person involved.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Peace is Precious
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Sefer Ma’alos HaMiddos (24) states:
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Know, my son, that peace is an exalted quality, for it [Peace] is one of the Names of God ... Wherever
peace is found, fear of God is found; wherever peace is lacking, fear of God is lacking.
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Our Sages state: Peace is precious, for God altered the truth for the sake of peace between Avraham and Sarah. Sarah [in expressing disbelief that she would yet bear a child] said, “And my master [Avraham] is old” (Bereishis 18:12), but Hashem [in relating her statement to Avraham] said, “And I [Sarah] am old” (ibid. v. 13).
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After Yaakov died, the brothers sent Yosef a message: “Your father gave orders before his death,saying, ‘Thus shall you say to Yosef: O please, kindly forgive the spiteful deed of your brothers...’” (ibid. 50:16). We do not find any indication in the Torah that Yaakov did, in fact, give such instructions, for he did not suspect Yosef [of bearing any ill will toward his brothers. Yet the brothers, out of fear that Yosef had not forgiven them, altered the truth for the sake of peace].
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Peace is precious, for in times of war, we must first seek peace, as it is written: “When you draw near to a city to wage war against it, you shall call out to it for peace” (Devarim 20:10).
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Peace is precious, for it is with the blessing of peace that we conclude Bircas Kohanim (The Priestly Blessing), as it is written, “... and [may Hashem] establish peace for you” (Bamidbar 6:26).
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Peace is precious, for it is with a request for peace that we conclude our daily prayer [i.e. the Shemoneh Esrei], as is derived from the verse: “HASHEM will give might to His people, HASHEM will bless His people with peace” (Tehillim 29:18).
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Moreover, on the great day of consolation at the End of Days, the first good tidings will be of peace, as it is written, “How beautiful ascending the mountains are the footsteps of the herald, making heard, ‘Peace!’” (Yeshayahu 52:7).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 33 – Negative Allusions
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There are times when a speaker makes a positive statement about a person and intends it as such, but negative and harmful information can be inferred from his words.? The Torah would not consider one who does this to be a holech rachil, peddler of gossip, since both his intent and his words are clearly sincere and positive.
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Rabbinically, however, this too is prohibited, under a category referred to as avak loshon hora, the “dust” of loshon hora, which is spread by way of carelessness.
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A common form of avak loshon hora is where one sincerely praises another person, but in doing so, alludes to a shortcoming of that individual.
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“Who would have believed that he would have come this far?” clearly suggests something negative about the person.? Such a statement can cause the person embarrassment when said in his presence, and can be harmful to him even when he is not present.? Hence, it is forbidden.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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When Foes Become Friends
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Sefer Ma’alos HaMiddos continues:
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The Talmud states that no man —even a gentile in the marketplace —ever preceded Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai in extending a greeting of peace (Berachos 17a).
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Our Sages taught: “Initiate a greeting of peace to every person” (Avos 4:20). What is meant by “every person”? Even if you know that someone bears you ill will, nevertheless, initiate a greeting of peace toward him. This will awaken a feeling of love for you within him. And even if he will not humble himself to make peace with you, God will humble him before you [so that he will not cause you any harm]. An allusion to this is found in Scripture, “But if he does not make peace with you ... HASHEM shall deliver him into your hand” (Devarim 20:12-13).
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Illustrative of the above is the story of David and Shaul. David sought peace with Shaul, while Shaul, far from being appeased, pursued David with the intent of harming him. Thus did David say, “I am peace —but when I speak, they are for war” (Tehillim 120:7). In two separate episodes, Hashem gave Shaul over into David’s hands [and David could have easily killed him]. Yet, it did not enter David’s mind to cause Shaul any harm, for man must love peace and pursue it.
Dedications and Sponsorships
Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or for a departed family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. Please call 845-352-3505 #113 or email lozeri@... to sponsor or for more information on other sponsorship opportunities








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