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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 46 – A Last Resort??
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Condition #4:
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If, in addition to personal reproof, any other option exists that could preclude the necessity to speak negatively of someone, it must be pursued.? Negative speech, even for a constructive purpose, is lowly if it can be avoided.
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In the same vein, when speaking negatively is necessary, one must carefully calculate just how much must be related in order to achieve the desired result.? To relate any unnecessary negative information would be to speak loshon hora.
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Furthermore, even if it is clear that someone must be made aware of certain derogatory information about another person, one should choose the least blatant means by which to communicate that information.? Directing someone to where he will become aware of
information on his own is preferable to expressing it verbally.
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In comparing two candidates for a position, stressing the strengths of one is often sufficient without actually articulating what the other lacks.? In all cases, the least negative course is the one to follow.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Timeless Message
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Remember upon whom the punishment of tzaraas was inflicted — upon the righteous Miriam, in whose merit the miraculous well poured forth water from the time the Jews departed Egypt until her death almost forty years later. She was a prophetess, as it is written,
“Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aharon ...’’ (Shemos?15:20). Her criticism was directed toward
her brother, whom she loved like her very own self, and for whom she endangered her life when she stood by the riverbank when Moshe was placed in the river as an infant (ibid. ch. 2). She did not speak disparagingly of Moshe; she merely accorded him the status
of other prophets.1 She did not speak in Moshe’s presence, which might have caused him embarrassment, nor did she utter her words in public. Whatever she said was spoken between herself and her righteous brother Aharon. Her intentions were purely for the sake
of Heaven. Moreover, Moshe, upon being informed of her words, bore her no ill will, as it is written, “Now the man Moshe was exceedingly humble ...’’ (Bamidbar 12:1). Despite all of the above, Miriam was punished with tzaraas.
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Remember upon whom it was inflicted.
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The Torah relates, “The people did not journey until Miriam was [cured and] brought in [to the camp]’’ (Bamidbar?12:15).
Miriam’s exceptional merits were not enough to allow her punishment to be deferred until the nation had arrived at their next destination, where her condition would have drawn less attention. She was punished on the way, and her disgrace became known to all.
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Remember where the episode of Miriam’s affliction occurred.
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- Thus, she faulted him for not living with his wife as other prophets did.
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Keep reading Day 47, the lesson for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 47 – Be Accurate
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Condition #5:
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While derogatory information may be related for a constructive purpose, slander cannot be justified.? One does not have the right to exaggerate or alter facts for a constructive purpose, nor may one omit details that minimize the severity of the person’s actions.
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Indiscriminate use of superlatives such as “very” can easily distort facts way out of proportion.? This is, in fact, a most common form of slander that people engage in, albeit unwittingly.? Conversely, one must omit authentic details that make the story sound
even worse if the result can be attained without their being mentioned.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Learning from Past Mistakes
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Remember at which juncture in our history the episode of Miriam’s affliction occurred — when you were leaving Egypt.
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Miriam’s words were spoken at the start of the Jews’ second year in the Wilderness, when knowledge of the severity of loshon hora was not widespread among the people.1 Miriam’s affliction made such knowledge known to all, making them fully accountable for transgressing
this sin. This explains the juxtaposition of this episode with that of the Spies who spoke shamefully of the precious Land of Israel. The grievous sin of the Spies and those who accepted their slanderous report was compounded by the fact that they did not
take a lesson from what happened to Miriam.
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We cannot in any way compare ourselves to the righteous Miriam, whose merits, as mentioned above, could not save her from affliction. Moreover, we are obligated to take a lesson both from the episode of Miriam and that of the Spies. Therefore, if one will be
guilty of Miriam’s sin, or worse yet, if he will intentionally seek to degrade or embarrass his fellow Jew, surely he will not escape a most severe punishment — and it may not be long in coming, as was the case with Miriam.
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Remember what HASHEM, your God, did to Miriam on the way, when you were leaving Egypt.
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1. The tzaraas which Moshe himself suffered for having doubted that the Jews would believe him when he returned from Midian to lead them (see Shemos ch. 4) was healed almost immediately and was viewed as a sign rather than a punishment. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 48 – Intent
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Condition #6:
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Having ascertained that:
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1) The negative information is accurate,
2) The perpetrator was not justified,
3) Reproof has proven unsuccessful,
4) There are no other options,
5) The information will be related accurately:
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?Two more conditions must still be met before the information can be conveyed.
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The speaker must be certain that his sole intent is l’toeles, for a constructive purpose.? If he knows that in his heart he is pleased to cast the perpetrator in a bad light, he is not permitted to speak – even though the purpose cannot be accomplished any
other way.
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It is lowly to enjoy speaking negatively – even for a constructive purpose.
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This is especially challenging when one is required to speak about a person whom he does not like.? It is necessary to first eradicate any negative feelings towards that person; only then can the negative information be related.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Best Medicine
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King Solomon taught:
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Let not your mouth bring guilt upon your flesh, and do not tell the emissary that it was an error. Why should God be angered by your speech and destroy the work of your hands? (Koheles 5:5).
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The Sages expound (Koheles Rabbah 5:3):
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Let not your mouth bring guilt upon your flesh: Do not let your mouth speak loshon hora, for this sin will bring affliction [i.e. tzaraas] upon your entire flesh.
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Let not your mouth bring guilt upon your flesh: This refers to Miriam, regarding whom it is written, “... and behold! Miriam was afflicted with tzaraas like snow” (Bamidbar?12:10).
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... and do not tell the emissary: This refers to Moshe, as it is written, “He [God] sent an emissary and took us out of Egypt” (ibid.?20:16).
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... that it was an error: as it is written, [Aharon said to Moshe:] “[I beg you, my lord, do not cast a sin upon us,] for we have been foolish and we have sinned” (ibid.?12:11).
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Why should God be angered by your speech: by the loshon hora which you spoke of Moshe, as it is written, “The wrath of HASHEM flared up against them, and He left” (ibid. v. 9).
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... and destroy the work of your hands: R’ Yochanan said: She [Miriam] sinned with her mouth, yet all her limbs were afflicted, as it is written, “The cloud had departed from atop the Tent, and behold! Miriam was afflicted with tzaraas like snow” (ibid. v.
10).
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R’ Yehoshua taught: “If a word is worth one coin, silence is worth two.”1 Rabbi [Yehudah the Prince] said: “The best medicine of all is silence,’’ as stated (Avos?1:17)
in the name of Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel: “All my days I have been raised among the Sages and I have found nothing better for oneself than silence.”
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1. Speech that is proper and correct is of value. But the prevention of improper speech is worth twice as much (S’fas Emes to Megillah 18a; see Maharsha).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 49 – Harmful Information
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Condition #7:
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As noted above, the permissibility of speaking negatively for a constructive purpose is based upon the principle that it is not lowly to relate negative information for a positive reason.
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This applies only to information which is derogatory but harmless.? However, it is forbidden to relate harmful information for a constructive purpose.? The only exception to this rule is where one has determined that halachah allows for the subject to be harmed
in that manner.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Sin of the Spies
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In the second year of the Jews’ sojourn in the Wilderness, Moshe sent twelve great men, one from each tribe, to scout out the Land of Canaan in advance of Israel’s conquest of it. When they returned from their mission, ten of the Spies delivered a slanderous,
demoralizing report about the Land and the Jews’ ability to conquer it. The people accepted this report as fact and wept throughout the night.
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R’ Yochanan said: The Spies returned on the eve of Tishah B’Av. The Holy One, Blessed is He, said, “You wept in vain. I will establish it [i.e. this night] for you as a time of weeping for all generations” (Ta’anis 28b).
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God decreed that, because of this sin, the Jews would wander in the Wilderness for forty years and all adult males of that generation would not enter the Land (see Bamidbar chs. 13-14).
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How could the Spies, each one a leader among his people, have sinned so grievously? Where did they go wrong?
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The evil inclination uses contrasting approaches to entice people to sin. At times, it fills a person’s heart with arrogance, so that the person becomes convinced that he is among the God-fearing, or even among those who have true love of God, a yet higher
level. The person therefore sees no reason for self-improvement and is content with his mediocre service of Hashem.
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The evil inclination also employs an opposite approach. It can cause a person to dwell upon his past sins, though he has long repented and has ceased to repeat them. The person finds himself in a constant state of spiritual despair. When the opportunity for
a mitzvah presents itself, the person tells himself, “Such acts are befitting the righteous, not sinners like myself.’’
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It was such an attitude that was at the root of the Spies’ error, as we shall explain. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 50 – In Summation?
It is permissible to speak negatively about a person:
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(1)?? to help the person, or
(2)?? to help anyone victimized by the person, or
(3)?? to resolve major disputes, or
(4)?? to enable others to learn from the mistakes of that person, provided that:
(1)?? one’s remarks are based on first-hand information and careful investigation, and
(2)?? it is apparent that this person is wrong, and
(3)?? the person has been spoken to but refuses to change his behavior, and
(4)?? the statement to be made will be true and accurate, and
(5)?? the intent of the speaker is for a constructive purpose only (and there is a reasonable chance that the intended goal will be accomplished), and
(6)?? ?there is no alternative means by which to bring about the intended result, and
(7)?? ?no undue harm will be caused by the statement.
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The illustrations presented below (as well as those to be discussed in the section on rechilus [gossip]) serve to clarify the application of these conditions.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Despair and Slander
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After the Spies had scouted out the Land, they became filled with despair. They told themselves, “Conquest of this land requires great and awesome merit. Our generation, which made the Golden Calf and committed other sins, surely lacks such merit.’’ They convinced
themselves that Hashem’s promise to grant them the Land was conditional on their being tzaddikim, righteous people, and they felt sure that such was not their status.
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The Torah relates: “Calev silenced the people toward Moshe saying, ‘We shall surely ascend and conquer it, for we can surely do it!’ ” (Bamidbar?13:30).
Our Sages explain that Calev at first posed as an ally of the Spies, so that they and the people would hear him out. He began, “Is that all that the son of Amram has done to us?’’ Expecting a condemnation of Moshe, the people grew silent. Calev then continued,
“He took us out of Egypt, split the sea, brought us the manna, and gathered together the quail” (Rashi from Sotah 35a). Calev’s intent was: Had Hashem led the Jews according to the strict measure of justice, they would never have been granted the miracles
which they had already witnessed and benefited from. Even as the sea split, some demonstrated a weakness of faith, as it is written, “They rebelled at the sea, the Sea of Reeds” (Tehillim 106:7). The people had complained before being granted the manna and
at other times as well. Calev assured the people that just as they had earned God’s compassion in the past, so too would they witness the fulfillment of His promise to bring them safely into Eretz Yisrael.
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The Spies, however, were not convinced. Lest the people be swayed by Calev’s words, the Spies resorted to slander, casting aspersions upon the precious, sacred Land that was to have been their eternal inheritance. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 51 – Helping Others to Improve?
The first category of constructive purpose is to help the person about whom one is speaking.? There is a tendency among many to ignore the misconduct of others in favor of a “live and let live” attitude.? Let us first understand
why the Torah rejects this attitude.
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Every person is born with character flaws.? It is our mission in life to change, to grow, to strive for perfection and spirituality.? We all want to rid ourselves of our imperfections; people do want to be good.? What makes life so challenging is that negative
character traits are blinding.? We either lose sight of what our goals should be or rationalize to the point that we simply cannot differentiate between right and wrong.
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One of the greatest gifts Hashem has blessed us with is companionship:? friends, family, people around us who are close enough to care, yet distant enough to be objective.? To abstain from speaking up and offering one another reproof and guidance amounts to
depriving one another of one of the most valuable tools for personal growth.? We must get involved and, when necessary, even enlist the involvement of others in helping people through the struggles of life.? Remaining silent when reproof is called for is not
Shmiras Haloshon, it is depriving one’s fellow of his lifeline to self-improvement.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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More Lessons
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After hearing the slander of the other Spies, Calev and Yehoshua bin (son of) Nun responded to their sinful words:
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The Land that we passed through, to spy it out — the Land is very, very good! If Hashem desires us, He will bring us to this Land and give it to us ... But do not rebel against Hashem! You should not fear the people of the Land, for they are our bread. Their
protection has departed from them; Hashem is with us — do not fear them! (Bamidbar 14:7-9).
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They meant the following: The Spies’ contention that Hashem’s promise of the Land was conditional on their being tzaddikim was patently incorrect. Hashem does not say to a person, “I will help you, but only if you will be a tzaddik.’’ Rather, Hashem says, “I
will not help you if you rebel against Me.’’ This is the intent of the words, “But do not rebel against Hashem.’’ As long as a person does not flout Hashem’s will, he can still hope for His compassion.
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As to the Spies’ fearful descriptions of the mighty Canaanites, Calev and Yehoshua responded, “...for they are our bread.’’ Would a person be frightened by a giant-sized loaf of bread? Similarly, they argued, Hashem would not offer the Canaanites any protection
from the Jews, and as such they would be easily devoured, as it is written, “You will devour all the people that Hashem, your God, has delivered to you” (Devarim?7:16).
Indeed, Scripture indicates that when the Jews, led by Yehoshua, crossed the Jordan River and began their conquest, they found the giants of Canaan to be the most fainthearted of all.
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The lessons to be learned from this tragic episode are crucial to us all.
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