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L'ilui nishmas Harav Moshe ben Harav Reuven Yudkowsky z"l
Dedicated by his family
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 49 – Harmful Information
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Condition #7:
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As noted above, the permissibility of speaking negatively for a constructive purpose is based upon the principle that it is not lowly to relate negative information for a positive reason.
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This applies only to information which is derogatory but harmless.? However, it is forbidden to relate harmful information for a constructive purpose.? The only exception to this rule is where one has determined that halachah allows for the subject to be harmed
in that manner.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Sin of the Spies
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In the second year of the Jews’ sojourn in the Wilderness, Moshe sent twelve great men, one from each tribe, to scout out the Land of Canaan in advance of Israel’s conquest of it. When they returned from their mission, ten of the Spies delivered a slanderous,
demoralizing report about the Land and the Jews’ ability to conquer it. The people accepted this report as fact and wept throughout the night.
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R’ Yochanan said: The Spies returned on the eve of Tishah B’Av. The Holy One, Blessed is He, said, “You wept in vain. I will establish it [i.e. this night] for you as a time of weeping for all generations” (Ta’anis 28b).
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God decreed that, because of this sin, the Jews would wander in the Wilderness for forty years and all adult males of that generation would not enter the Land (see Bamidbar chs. 13-14).
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How could the Spies, each one a leader among his people, have sinned so grievously? Where did they go wrong?
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The evil inclination uses contrasting approaches to entice people to sin. At times, it fills a person’s heart with arrogance, so that the person becomes convinced that he is among the God-fearing, or even among those who have true love of God, a yet higher
level. The person therefore sees no reason for self-improvement and is content with his mediocre service of Hashem.
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The evil inclination also employs an opposite approach. It can cause a person to dwell upon his past sins, though he has long repented and has ceased to repeat them. The person finds himself in a constant state of spiritual despair. When the opportunity for
a mitzvah presents itself, the person tells himself, “Such acts are befitting the righteous, not sinners like myself.’’
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It was such an attitude that was at the root of the Spies’ error, as we shall explain. |
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???????????? Keep reading for Day 50, the learning for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 50 – In Summation?
It is permissible to speak negatively about a person:
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(1)?? to help the person, or
(2)?? to help anyone victimized by the person, or
(3)?? to resolve major disputes, or
(4)?? to enable others to learn from the mistakes of that person, provided that:
(1)?? one’s remarks are based on first-hand information and careful investigation, and
(2)?? it is apparent that this person is wrong, and
(3)?? the person has been spoken to but refuses to change his behavior, and
(4)?? the statement to be made will be true and accurate, and
(5)?? the intent of the speaker is for a constructive purpose only (and there is a reasonable chance that the intended goal will be accomplished), and
(6)?? ?there is no alternative means by which to bring about the intended result, and
(7)?? ?no undue harm will be caused by the statement.
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The illustrations presented below (as well as those to be discussed in the section on rechilus [gossip]) serve to clarify the application of these conditions.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Despair and Slander
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After the Spies had scouted out the Land, they became filled with despair. They told themselves, “Conquest of this land requires great and awesome merit. Our generation, which made the Golden Calf and committed other sins, surely lacks such merit.’’ They convinced
themselves that Hashem’s promise to grant them the Land was conditional on their being tzaddikim, righteous people, and they felt sure that such was not their status.
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The Torah relates: “Calev silenced the people toward Moshe saying, ‘We shall surely ascend and conquer it, for we can surely do it!’ ” (Bamidbar?13:30).
Our Sages explain that Calev at first posed as an ally of the Spies, so that they and the people would hear him out. He began, “Is that all that the son of Amram has done to us?’’ Expecting a condemnation of Moshe, the people grew silent. Calev then continued,
“He took us out of Egypt, split the sea, brought us the manna, and gathered together the quail” (Rashi from Sotah 35a). Calev’s intent was: Had Hashem led the Jews according to the strict measure of justice, they would never have been granted the miracles
which they had already witnessed and benefited from. Even as the sea split, some demonstrated a weakness of faith, as it is written, “They rebelled at the sea, the Sea of Reeds” (Tehillim 106:7). The people had complained before being granted the manna and
at other times as well. Calev assured the people that just as they had earned God’s compassion in the past, so too would they witness the fulfillment of His promise to bring them safely into Eretz Yisrael.
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The Spies, however, were not convinced. Lest the people be swayed by Calev’s words, the Spies resorted to slander, casting aspersions upon the precious, sacred Land that was to have been their eternal inheritance. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 51 – Helping Others to Improve?
The first category of constructive purpose is to help the person about whom one is speaking.? There is a tendency among many to ignore the misconduct of others in favor of a “live and let live” attitude.? Let us first understand
why the Torah rejects this attitude.
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Every person is born with character flaws.? It is our mission in life to change, to grow, to strive for perfection and spirituality.? We all want to rid ourselves of our imperfections; people do want to be good.? What makes life so challenging is that negative
character traits are blinding.? We either lose sight of what our goals should be or rationalize to the point that we simply cannot differentiate between right and wrong.
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One of the greatest gifts Hashem has blessed us with is companionship:? friends, family, people around us who are close enough to care, yet distant enough to be objective.? To abstain from speaking up and offering one another reproof and guidance amounts to
depriving one another of one of the most valuable tools for personal growth.? We must get involved and, when necessary, even enlist the involvement of others in helping people through the struggles of life.? Remaining silent when reproof is called for is not
Shmiras Haloshon, it is depriving one’s fellow of his lifeline to self-improvement.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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More Lessons
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After hearing the slander of the other Spies, Calev and Yehoshua bin (son of) Nun responded to their sinful words:
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The Land that we passed through, to spy it out — the Land is very, very good! If Hashem desires us, He will bring us to this Land and give it to us ... But do not rebel against Hashem! You should not fear the people of the Land, for they are our bread. Their
protection has departed from them; Hashem is with us — do not fear them! (Bamidbar 14:7-9).
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They meant the following: The Spies’ contention that Hashem’s promise of the Land was conditional on their being tzaddikim was patently incorrect. Hashem does not say to a person, “I will help you, but only if you will be a tzaddik.’’ Rather, Hashem says, “I
will not help you if you rebel against Me.’’ This is the intent of the words, “But do not rebel against Hashem.’’ As long as a person does not flout Hashem’s will, he can still hope for His compassion.
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As to the Spies’ fearful descriptions of the mighty Canaanites, Calev and Yehoshua responded, “...for they are our bread.’’ Would a person be frightened by a giant-sized loaf of bread? Similarly, they argued, Hashem would not offer the Canaanites any protection
from the Jews, and as such they would be easily devoured, as it is written, “You will devour all the people that Hashem, your God, has delivered to you” (Devarim?7:16).
Indeed, Scripture indicates that when the Jews, led by Yehoshua, crossed the Jordan River and began their conquest, they found the giants of Canaan to be the most fainthearted of all.
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The lessons to be learned from this tragic episode are crucial to us all.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 52 – Passing Judgment
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Before assuming that a person’s actions merit tochachah, reproof, one must be absolutely certain that he has, in fact, sinned.
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From the command B’Tzedek Tishpot Amisechah, Judge your fellow favorably (Vayikra?19:15), we learn that
if a person appears to be committing a transgression which is totally out of character for him, we are to seek to understand what transpired in a positive light.? If there is any way to interpret his actions as not involving transgression, we are required
to do so.
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If it is absolutely clear that the person did sin in a manner which is out of character for him, then we must assume that he immediately regretted his actions, and has already repented.? To discuss the incident with anyone constitutes speaking loshon hora.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Most Crucial
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When a person grows lax in his commitment to Torah study, his commitment to general mitzvah observance grows lax as well. When this person is asked why he, a God-fearing Jew who knows that “one hour of spiritual bliss in the World to Come is better than the
entire life of this world,’’ shows such weakness of commitment, he might very well reply: “Such striving is for tzaddikim, people who distance themselves from the pleasures of this world and dedicate every fiber of their being to service of Hashem. It is for
them that the great rewards of the next world are reserved. Plain people like myself, however, cannot hope for such reward.’’
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The above argument echoes that of the Spies. Our response to it is similar to that of Calev and Yehoshua, as related above.
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Hashem does not demand of every Jew that he separate himself from mundane life to engage in spiritual strivings all day and night. A Jew who chooses to enter the world of business has fulfilled his spiritual obligations if he sets aside a fixed, significant
amount of time each day for the study of Torah and if he conducts his business endeavors in strict accordance with the related Torah laws. As the Talmud states: “When a person departs this world, the Heavenly Court asks him, ‘Did you conduct your business
affairs in good faith? Did you have fixed times for Torah study?’ ” (Shabbos 31a).
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Hashem is not overbearing with His children. Every Jew, without exception, is capable of spiritual growth and success. Most crucial, however, is that which Calev and Yehoshua underscored: “But do not rebel against HASHEM!’’ One dare not blatantly ignore any
mitzvah, be it positive or negative. One who is sincere in his Divine service will surely succeed.
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If one has been lax in his study, or with any other mitzvah, he need not despair. Hashem, Who loves kindness and seeks to confer merit upon His people, has granted us the great gift of teshuvah (repentance), which preceded Creation. Through teshuvah, any Jew
can attain the greatest heights. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 53 – The Occasional Sinner
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If a person whose actions may have involved a given transgression is known to commit that particular sin at least occasionally, then the commandment, “Judge your fellow favorably,” does not require that one seek a positive explanation
for what he did.? However, it is meritorious to give the person the benefit of the doubt and assume that this time he did not sin.? Reproof would not be necessary.
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If it is absolutely clear that the person did commit a sin, then the mitzvah to reprove does apply and one should, in a respectful and caring manner, help the person to overcome his evil inclination by offering reproof.
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There are times when it would be more effective for someone else, such as a close friend or rav, to reprove the individual.? Theoretically, it should be permissible for the one who witnessed the transgression to inform the friend or rav of it and ask that he
handle the situation.? However, we have learned that one may not act on hearsay, which would mean that one cannot possibly offer reproof unless he personally witnessed the transgression.? Consequently, it would be one’s responsibility to find an effective
means of reproving himself, or to ask the rav to either personally investigate the situation or tactfully discuss the matter with that individual without making accusations.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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David’s Acceptance
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The Sages teach that one who speaks loshon hora is fit to be stoned (Arachin 15b). The following lends support to this statement of the Sages, whose teachings are true and everlasting:
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In an incident recorded in the Book of Shmuel, King David was, according to the Sages, guilty of accepting loshon hora. In the very next incident, David, as he fled during the rebellion of his son Avshalom, was cursed and stoned by Shimi ben Geira. The word?
“and behold” with which this second narrative begins (II Shmuel 16:5), indicates a connection between the two episodes. This implies that for transgressing the loshon hora prohibitions one is fit to be stoned, as David was (by Shimi) after he had been guilty
of such an infraction.
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Parenthetically, the above is indicative of David’s exalted holiness and righteousness, for Scripture makes clear that David was as of yet unaware that he had sinned in accepting a slanderous report. Yet when one of his officers suggested that Shimi be punished
for his blasphemous behavior, David responded, “Hashem told him [i.e. inspired him] to curse” (ibid. v. 11). David, without knowing how and when he had sinned, recognized the fact that Hashem would not have permitted Shimi to act as he did had he, David, not
been deserving of such disgrace. Therefore, he would not allow his men to attack Shimi. |
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 54 – The Habitual Sinner????
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In the case of a habitual sinner who ignores a particular commandment altogether, one is to assume that even a questionable act is, in fact, a transgression of that commandment.? “Judge your fellow favorably” demands fairness,
not naiveté.
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Having concluded that the person did transgress, one must then seek to understand why he frequently commits this sin.? It may be due to ignorance – he may be totally unaware that the act is forbidden, or he might not realize the severity of the prohibition.?
Should this be the case, one must find some way of enlightening the person without hurting his feelings.? Discussing his behavior with others constitutes speaking loshon hora.? (This situation is common among those who were raised in communities where there
is widespread violation of certain laws.? In such instances, people mistakenly view those who observe these laws as machmirim, individuals who are stringent beyond the letter of the law.)
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Most Severe
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R’ Yehoshua ben Levi said: Whoever relates loshon hora accumulates sins which reach the heavens, as it is written (Tehillim 73:9), “They direct their mouths to the heavens, their tongue struts on earth” (Arachin 15b).
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As mentioned above, the sin of loshon hora can result in an accumulation of sins greater than the Three Cardinal Sins. This refers not only to the sins’ severity, but to their punishment as well. As Talmud Yerushalmi states (Pe’ah 1:1), “There are four sins
for which retribution is exacted in this world while the principal [i.e. primary punishment] remains for the World to Come: idol worship, immorality, murder — and loshon hora is equal to them all.’’
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In Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu (I, ch. 15) we read: “Those who strike their fellow stealthily [through loshon hora],1 those who desecrate the Name in public, those who belittle their neighbors with words, and those who incite strife, their end will be that of Korach;
regarding them does the Torah state: ‘The earth covered them over [and they were lost from among the congregation]’ ” (Bamidbar?16:33).
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1. The Torah states: “Accursed is one who strikes his fellow stealthily; and the entire people shall say, ‘ Amen.’ ” (Deuteronomy 27:24). Rashi interprets this as referring to the sin of loshon hora.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 55 – Social Pressure
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A mumor l’tayovon (lit., rebel due to temptation) is someone who regularly submits to temptation in violating a specific mitzvah.? While the prohibition against gossip mongering does apply with regard to speaking about him (as
he is not a heretic), his situation differs drastically from one who occasionally transgresses a given mitzvah but basically is committed to its observance.?
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As we have learned, the primary prohibition against speaking loshon hora is lo saylaych rachil b’amecha, Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people (Vayikra?19:16).?
One who embarrasses his fellow Jew transgresses the prohibition lo sonu ish es amiso, A man shall not aggrieve his fellow (Vayikra 25:17).
Our Sages interpret the term amecha, your people, in the first prohibition as excluding only a mumor l’hachis, (lit., rebel whose intent is to spite), one whose lack of regard for a given prohibition causes him to regularly transgress it.? However, the term,
amiso, his fellow, in the second prohibition, excludes even the mumor l’tayovon.? Thus, it is forbidden to speak loshon hora about a mumor l’tayovon but it is permissible to exert social pressure on him in order to induce him to mend his sinful way.
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It is permissible to publicize that a Jew regularly violates a particular halachah if it is clear that he is aware of the halachah and has chosen to ignore it, and it stands to reason that publicizing his behavior will induce him to change.? This applies even
if he transgresses the law out of temptation.? However, one must be certain that all the conditions of toeles, constructive speech, including purity of intent and lack on an alternative, apply.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Time Is Now
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The serpent, whose deceitful words created a barrier between God and man, was cursed: “And dust shall you eat all the days of your life” (Bereishis?3:14).
The Talmud (Berachos 12b) interprets the phrase “all the days of your life” in another verse of the Torah (Devarim 16:3) as referring to the Messianic era. Thus, at the End of Days, all creatures will be cured of their maladies except for the serpent. And
just as “the snake bites because it was not charmed” [i.e. cured of its curse] so too “there will be no advantage [i.e. remedy] for the master of the tongue” (from Koheles?10:11).
Those who habitually speak loshon hora will, like the serpent, find no cure for themselves at the End of Days (Midrash Aggadas Bereishis 79:2 and Pirkei D’R’ Eliezer ch. 52). Their only hope is to repent now.
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The gossiper brings suffering not only upon himself, but upon the community as well: “R’ Shimon ben Pazi said: Rain is withheld only because of those who speak loshon hora, as it is written (Mishlei 25:23), ‘The north wind prevents the rain and [God shows]
an angry countenance [when there is] secretive talk’ ” (Ta’anis 7b). Zohar states that this sin brings death and destruction to the world.
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Therefore, one who cares for his own well-being and that of his fellow men will strive to acquire the golden quality of Shmiras haloshon.
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