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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 107 – Vigilance without Acceptance
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The fact that a derogatory statement was made for a constructive purpose does not permit the listener to accept it as fact. It is permissible to listen to negative information for toeles, a constructive purpose; however, it is
not permissible to believe such information. One may act upon such information on the possibility that it might be true.
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It is for this reason that the first precondition for speaking constructively (Day 50) is that one have firsthand knowledge of the negative information he is conveying. Since one cannot believe derogatory information as fact, he cannot present it to others
as such. In situations where it is permissible to relate secondhand information one is required to say that he heard it from others and could not be sure of it’s accuracy (see Day 71).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The View from Above
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Thus far, our parable has shown how Reuven has ceased to speak disparagingly of Shimon after hearing that Shimon is held in high esteem by a leading Torah sage. The parable continues:
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Some time later, Yehudah tells Reuven, “I was privileged to be present when Shimon met with the Sages of the Mishnah — Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi, Rabbi Meir, and others — men endowed with Divine inspiration, who are akin to angels and cannot possibly be deceived!
I saw how they too accorded Shimon great honor and showed him deep love and admiration.’’
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A shaken Reuven responds, “I have erred. Obviously, it was my evil inclination which caused me to bear ill will toward Shimon.’’
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Yehudah then adds one last point, “The Sages of the Mishnah are often visited by the prophet Eliyahu. They mentioned that Eliyahu had related how he had heard the Holy One, Blessed is He, express his deep love for Shimon.’’
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“Woe is me!’’ exclaimed Reuven. “I have harbored ill will and spoken against someone who is loved by Hashem! I now see things in a different light. Either I was mistaken in thinking that Shimon had wronged me, or I was correct but had failed to attribute his
actions to an inadvertent error on his part, for surely he would not have wronged me intentionally! I have sinned grievously in speaking disparagingly of such a man.
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“I deeply regret my feelings and actions and will strive to develop a true love for Shimon.’’
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Scripture states: “‘I loved you’ said Hashem” (Malachi 1:2); and “You are children to Hashem, your God” (Devarim 14:1). This is the intent of the phrase “I am Hashem,’’ at the conclusion of the verse which prohibits harboring ill will and commands us to love
our fellow Jew. Just as Hashem has a deep unwavering love for every Jew, so too must we develop within ourselves a deep unwavering love for each other.
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On this earth, a person sees others clothed in their physical garb, and thus tends to look down upon them and focus on what he perceives as their faults. Hashem, however, sees the essential holiness of every Jewish soul, which, as often stated in the holy Zohar,
is awesome. Hashem’s love and regard for each soul is predicated on this knowledge, and thus is exceedingly great. |
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Keep reading Day 108, the lesson for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 108 – A Proper Approach
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The Talmud (Niddah?61a) makes it clear that although negative information should not be accepted as fact, one can and should act to protect himself and others on the chance that it may be true. Just as it is na?ve and
wrong to believe the?loshon hora?one hears, so too it is na?ve and irresponsible to totally ignore a report which could save oneself or others from possible harm or anguish.
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On a personal level, one’s relationship with the subject of the negative report should not change. Chances are the statement was inaccurate, if not altogether false. One’s behavior towards the individual should, therefore, not be affected at all, and one should
continue to show him kindness and assist him as in the past. On a practical level, one should investigate the matter and protect himself against any possible harm that could result should the report prove true.
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If, for example, one hears that an acquaintance is dishonest, it is forbidden to think of him as such – but one should keep his wallet in a safe place when that person is around! If one is told that a person who accepts charity is actually well-to-do, one should
not stop assisting him until the matter has been investigated and it has been determined beyond doubt that he is not deserving of assistance.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Disparaging the Community
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In previous chapters, we discussed the severity of speaking?loshon hora?against an individual. To speak disparagingly of the Jewish people as a community is a sin of far greater severity.
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Regarding the verses, “Do not inform on a servant to his master ... A generation which curses its father and does not bless its mother” (Mishlei?30:10-11), the Talmud expounds: “Even if a generation curses its father and does not bless its mother,
do not speak against it before its Master, the Holy One, Blessed is He” (Pesachim?87b).
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When the prophet Yeshayahu was shown God’s glory in a Heavenly vision, he declared, “Woe is me! — for I am a man of impure lips, who sits among a people of impure lips’’ (Yeshayahu?6:5). Yeshayahu’s intent was not to disparage his people, but rather
to express his feeling of unworthiness upon experiencing a lofty vision. Nevertheless, Scripture continues, “And one of the?seraphim?[angels] flew towards me and in his hand was a glowing coal ... and he touched it to my mouth and said ‘... your iniquity
shall be removed and your sin shall be atoned for’ ” (vs. 6-7). The Sages state that the word? “Ritzpah”?glowing coal ,?is a contraction of? “Break the?惭辞耻迟丑”?of the one who slandered My people” (Yalkut Shimoni?406). It
was this sin which ultimately brought about Yeshayahu’s death (see?Yevamos?49b).
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 109 – Prefatory Remarks
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We have seen that a derogatory statement about someone is not to be believed as fact even for a constructive purpose. One is to take the necessary precautions without changing his attitude towards the subject.
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We have also learned that to cause another Jew to transgress is to violate the prohibition, “Before a blind person do not place a stumbling block.”
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Consequently, when one relates negative information for a constructive purpose, he must be careful not to cause the listener to sin by believing the information as fact.
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The proper way to convey negative information for a constructive purpose is to preface it with a statement such as, “Don’t take my word for it – I may be mistaken – but do take the matter under serious consideration”.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Measure for Measure
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Scripture relates how the prophet Eliyahu was forced to hide in a cave to escape the designs of the wicked King Achav and his queen, Izevel. When God appeared to Eliyahu in a vision, the prophet said: “I have been exceedingly zealous for HASHEM, the God of
Legions, for the Children of Israel have abandoned Your covenant ...’’ (I Melachim 19:10). It was because of this indictment of his people that the role of transmitting the Divine word to the generation was transferred from Eliyahu to his disciple Elisha (Yalkut
Shimoni 217).
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Years later, when Elisha prophesied the end of a famine, an officer of the king declared, “Behold! If HASHEM makes windows in the heavens, can such a thing be?’’ (II Melachim 7:2). The Midrash (cited by Sefer Charedim 47:23) understands the officer’s words
as meaning: “Surely it is within God’s power to bring this about. However, the generation is like the generation of the Flood, regarding which it is written, ‘And the windows of heaven were opened’ (Bereishis 7:11). How can it be that a generation so wicked
should merit a miracle so great?’’ Because he spoke this way of the Jewish people, the officer was told by Elisha, “You will yet see the miracle occur, but you will not eat from the food that will result from it.’’
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 109 – Prefatory Remarks
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We have seen that a derogatory statement about someone is not to be believed as fact even for a constructive purpose. One is to take the necessary precautions without changing his attitude towards the subject.
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We have also learned that to cause another Jew to transgress is to violate the prohibition, “Before a blind person do not place a stumbling block.”
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Consequently, when one relates negative information for a constructive purpose, he must be careful not to cause the listener to sin by believing the information as fact.
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The proper way to convey negative information for a constructive purpose is to preface it with a statement such as, “Don’t take my word for it – I may be mistaken – but do take the matter under serious consideration”.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Measure for Measure
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Scripture relates how the prophet Eliyahu was forced to hide in a cave to escape the designs of the wicked King Achav and his queen, Izevel. When God appeared to Eliyahu in a vision, the prophet said: “I have been exceedingly zealous for HASHEM, the God of
Legions, for the Children of Israel have abandoned Your covenant ...’’ (I Melachim 19:10). It was because of this indictment of his people that the role of transmitting the Divine word to the generation was transferred from Eliyahu to his disciple Elisha (Yalkut
Shimoni 217).
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Years later, when Elisha prophesied the end of a famine, an officer of the king declared, “Behold! If HASHEM makes windows in the heavens, can such a thing be?’’ (II Melachim 7:2). The Midrash (cited by Sefer Charedim 47:23) understands the officer’s words
as meaning: “Surely it is within God’s power to bring this about. However, the generation is like the generation of the Flood, regarding which it is written, ‘And the windows of heaven were opened’ (Bereishis 7:11). How can it be that a generation so wicked
should merit a miracle so great?’’ Because he spoke this way of the Jewish people, the officer was told by Elisha, “You will yet see the miracle occur, but you will not eat from the food that will result from it.’’
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 110 – Expressing Frustration
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We have learned that speaking negatively for the sake of one’s own emotional well-being
is an acceptable form of constructive speech. It is reasonable for one to express anger and frustration about an individual to one’s parent, spouse or mentor to obtain sympathy, reassurance and advice, and it is the obligation of the listener to provide such
support.
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However, even in such situations, the listener may not decide in his own mind that the report is true, for as far as he is concerned, the information is only secondhand. It is therefore imperative that the following understanding exist between those who take
part in such discussions:
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Halacha permits one to occasionally “let off steam” and express his frustrations to someone else. However, it is obvious that one who is involved in a disagreement to the point of anger, or considers himself the victim of verbal abuse, lacks the ability to
be objective. Any negativity expressed under such circumstances is to be understood as a description of the speaker’s feelings and not as an accurate account of what actually took place.
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In this way, a husband and wife or close friends can rely on one another for emotional support without transgressing the laws of proper speech.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Heartfelt Plea
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Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu (I, ch. 19) states:
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Master of the Universe! Take note of our suffering ... and allow the disgrace which we endure at every hour to rise up before You. Remember the many heads of families among Israel who have no livelihood, yet toil in Torah each day, continually. Remember the
many poor among Israel, who have their flesh torn from their bodies by the nations of the world [through taxes and other monetary demands], yet toil in Torah each day, continually. Remember the youth among Israel who know not their right from their left [i.e.
who are pure and unsullied by sin — Yeshuos Yaakov], and toil in Torah each day, continually. Remember the many aged men and women among Israel, who arise early to enter the houses of prayer and Torah study, and who yearn, crave and hope each day for Your
salvation.
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My Father in Heaven! Remember the covenant which You established with the three righteous Patriarchs, Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov. And you have written in Your Torah, “And if your brother will become impoverished ... you shall strengthen him” (Vayikra 25:35)
[so, too, strengthen us so that we will not falter].
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My Father in Heaven! Remember the many crippled and blind among Israel who do not have sufficient food, yet hire teachers to study Torah with their children.
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My Father in Heaven! Remember Israel, Your possession in this world, as it is written, “Is He not your Father, your Possessor?’’ (Devarim 32:6); and “Hashem acquired me at the beginning of His way” (Mishlei?8:22).
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My Father in Heaven! Remember the many widows and orphans among Israel, who toil in Torah and mitzvos each day, continually.
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The above should inspire each of us to arouse compassion before Hashem on behalf of the Jewish people, for in our day, the sources of merit cited in Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu are still to be found. The material status of the Jewish people in our time is far from
good; yet wherever one turns, he finds Jews who study Torah, observe mitzvos, support Torah study, do kindness with others and give charity to the poor.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 111 – Between Teachers and Students
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Loshon hora initiated by children and accepted as fact by their believing parents is often a cause of major injustice. It happens all too often that one or two key students in a class arbitrarily take a disliking to their teacher and stories are exaggerated
and circulated. Well-meaning parents accept their children’s accounts of the going-on at school and before long the teacher finds himself struggling to defend his position.
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As every adult knows, student dissatisfaction is not necessarily an indication of a teacher’s inadequacy as an educator. The students’ version of a situation must be considered but not accepted as fact. A thorough and discreet investigation – one which does
not cause the teacher embarrassment – must be conducted before a teacher is declared at fault.
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A teacher too, must avoid believing accusations directed by students against one another. Here, too, an investigation is called for, and unless the facts can be established, no action should be taken.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Meriting the Light
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The Torah states: “... and they [the judges] shall judge the people with righteous judgment” (Devarim?16:18).
Midrash Tanchuma comments:
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R’ Yehudah ben R’ Shalom said: [This teaches] that the judges should strive to find merit for their people before the Holy One, Blessed is He. From whom do we learn this? From Gidon ben Yoash. In his days, Israel was in distress and God sought someone who could
speak their merit [and thereby arouse Divine compassion for them] but no one could be found, for the generation was poor in its fulfillment of mitzvos and performance of good deeds. As soon as Gidon was deemed worthy of having found merit for them, a Heavenly
angel revealed himself to him. Thus it is written, “And an angel of Hashem appeared to him ... and he said, ‘Go with this strength of yours’ ” (Shoftim?6:12-14),
meaning, “with the strength of the merit which you found for My children.’’
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This, then, is the meaning of “... and they [the judges] shall judge the people with righteous judgment,’’ i.e. that they should strive to find merit for the generation.
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The above, too, underscores the greatness of finding merit for the Jewish people before Hashem. One who does so becomes a receptacle for the spiritual light of the sacred Heavenly sanctuary which is called the Sanctuary of Merit; for it is there that the merits
of Israel are mentioned, as stated in Sefer Chareidim.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM?
Day 112 – Rumors
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Halacha allows for certain rumors to be reckoned with, but never are they to be accepted as fact.
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It is important to note the halachik qualifications which distinguish a rumor that may have some credence from that which is mere character assassination. If the subject is known to have enemies in the community who are very possibly the source of the rumors,
it may not be granted any legitimacy. Even if everyone in the community has a favorable opinion of the subject, the rumor would have to circulate throughout the community for one and a half days without losing strength before it could be taken seriously.
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When a rumor does seem to have validity, halacha allows for it to cast doubt on the status of the person(s) involved; e.g. where the report concerns the subject’s status as a kohen or similar issues of lineage.
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The unfortunate reality is that rarely is a rumor anything more than wide-scale loshon hora. Even when halacha grants a rumor some degree of validity, it cannot be accepted as fact.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Quality of Acceptance
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In striving to develop the quality of shmiras haloshon, one must place great emphasis on reacting toward any situation with savlanus, that is, to be tolerant of whatever negativity is thrown one’s way. In the words of Avos D’R’ Nosson (41:11): “Condition yourself
to tolerate distress, and be forgiving of insult.’’ Through such character development, the quality of shmiras haloshon is easily attainable. Conversely, one who lacks savlanus will forever be torn by the need to relate the wrongs which others have done against
him. At times, he will prevail in this struggle; other times, he will fail.
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A savlan is capable of bearing insult in silence. He tells himself that whatever occurs is an expression of Divine will, and that in reality his own sins are the true causes of his being shamed. When one accepts disgrace in this way, totally and sincerely,
Hashem surely elevates his stature in this world and in the next. |
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