?
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 88 – Matters of Opinion????????????????????????
?
Subjective questions about people are most difficult to answer:
?
?“Is he a talmid chacham?”? “Is she intelligent?”
?
Each of these terms is relative, for at what point does a student of Torah become a “talmid chacham,” and how does one measure intelligence? Lack of a definitive barometer is a problem with most character traits as well, making accurate evaluations in these
areas extremely difficult.
?
Furthermore, we have seen that one may not provide information that could prevent a match from materializing unless the information provides valid basis for this. How, then, does one correctly provide information when asked?
?
It is clear that it is unwise for a party to approach an acquaintance with a request for such information. In fact, the Chofetz Chaim says that such inquires warrant no response. However, one may bring such questions before a rav, rosh yeshiva, or seminary
dean, etc. who has the wisdom and experience to evaluate a situation properly and offer an appropriate response. Others who are approached with such questions may direct the person to the proper authority.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Best of All
?
Shimon his [Rabban Gamliel’s] son says: “All my days I have been raised among the Sages and I found nothing better for oneself than silence” (Avos 1:17).
?
R’ Shimon is, in effect, saying: “I was reared among the Sages and had the opportunity to glean from all their precious, sacred qualities. And of all those qualities, the art of silence is most outstanding.’’
?
Alternatively, R’ Shimon may have meant the following: The Sages were the wisest of men and surely did not engage in pointless conversation. Nevertheless, there was nothing, aside from speaking words of Torah, which they found more beneficial to themselves
than silence.
?
R’ Shimon was precise in saying: “and I found nothing better for oneself ...” Man’s corporeal existence in this world makes it virtually impossible for even the purest of souls to ensure that his every utterance is without flaw. This is why silence is so desirable.
?
If such was true of the generation of R’ Shimon, whose Sages were accustomed to speaking only words of true wisdom, then what of ourselves, whose minds are preoccupied with matters devoid of substance and meaning? If one’s mouth will not be restrained by the
harness of silence, then invariably it will speak in the way that it has been accustomed since one’s youth, and the loss will outweigh the gain many times over.
? |
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Dedications and Sponsorships??????
?Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or for a departed
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The Emunah White Elephant Sale - This Week - Wednesday and Thursday
The Emunah White Elephant Sale
It's Here - This Wednesday and Thursday
Sale dates: June 21st: 10am - 3 pm
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?June 22nd: 10 am - 1 pm
Where:? Emunah Jerusalem office, 6 Arlosorov Street?
What's on sale:?
- Judaica
- Decorative and household items
- Hebrew and English books
- Artwork
- Costume jewelry
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- Toys
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Any questions please contact 058-766-7318 or 054-344-7869.
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Today's Inspiration - Chodesh tov!
The Vessel
Said the Apter: " A man should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service of the Lord, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water."
Source: Menorah ha-Tehora
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Employment: Company Based in RBS Aleph Looking to Expand its Team
All positions below require English on a mother tongue level (Hebrew is not required). ? If you are interested in applying be sure to fill out our online form via the link below. ? Positions available: ? - Inbound Sales /Customer service specialist
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TerraCure creams: "Amazing results after a day and a half", B.S., Jerusalem
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She ordered a package for her grandfather in Europe and wants another set for her grandfather? in the U.S. Because the creams work!!
And, I would like to point out that when the pain subsides it's because the situation is really better and not because some chemical is fooling the brain into thinking all is well. This is true of back pain,? knee pain and all other issues. Sometimes it takes over a week to see the benefits in the knees (because we are constantly challenging them) but the creams have a cumulative effect and suddenly relief comes. TerraCure creams are awesome and have a special Siyata Dishmaya. As an aside, back pain subsides more quickly than knee, shoulder and other joint pains. Regardless of how bad the pain is and how terrible the issue is. It is truly amazing B"H.?
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Decision Making Seminar Part 2
"Going from Uncertainty to Certainty"
Given by Rabbi Shlomo Kory Certified NLP Master-Practitioner
on Zoom this Tuesday evening, ?' ????,? June 20 at? 8:30 PM Duration:? approximately 45 minutes
The seminar is FREE? To register and receive ZOOM link,? email me at?
Phone: 052-7637029 ?????? from USA: 011 97252 7637029
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Posting for a friend, please use email below.? Woman from Beitar takes care of women that need help in their home. she can work up to 5 hrs daily. She can change diapers, shower, cook, and do laundry. She has been working already for families 9 years.? If you know anyone that could use this service please send her an email.? Renee Smith Please pass this notice along if you know a family that can use this service
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The
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?
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 86 – Advice
?
The previous rules apply to the initiator of a shidduch, employment or business partnership.? Halacha classifies such a person as an advisor and requires that he not make the suggestion if he has reason to suspect that it may not
be in the best interest of either party.
?
A similar set of rules applies to one who did not make the suggestion, but whose advice is sought by one of the parties.? He too must not be guilty of misleading the people involved.? In fact, his responsibility is even greater than that of the shadchan (matchmaker).?
Whereas the shadchan merely suggests that the shidduch be considered, the advisor often states a definitive opinion regarding the proposed relationship which may profoundly influence the party’s final decision.
?
Giving advice is not a matter to be taken lightly.? One does not give guidance unless he believes he understands the situation, and has the insight and life experience necessary to properly direct his petitioner.? One should never encourage a match he knows
nothing about for the sake of seeing to it that the person “finally gets married.”? One may encourage a match only if he sincerely believes that it is good for both parties.
Thus, while the advisor’s first obligation is to the party he is advising, it is forbidden for him to encourage a shidduch that he clearly knows is bad for the other party.? This would be considered speaking loshon hora in the form of speech that causes harm.
?
It is forbidden for an advisor to discourage a relationship unless his disapproval is based on firsthand information that was carefully analyzed.
?
Finally, if an advisor encouraged his petitioner to pursue a given shidduch but his advice was ignored, he may not draw the conclusion that the person “just doesn’t want to get married,” is “incapable of making commitments,” or has “unrealistic expectations.”?
To make such statements would be to speak loshon hora and perhaps hotzaas shem ra (slander).
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Debt of Gratitude
?
We can suggest another explanation of R’ Yitzchak’s teaching: “Which craft should man pursue in this world? He should make himself like a mute.’’
?
Suppose a person suddenly suffers a loss of speech. All the city’s doctors are summoned to suggest a cure, but all fail. Finally, a renowned specialist is brought in from another city. He succeeds in curing the patient and refuses any offer of payment for his
services. Imagine the love and gratitude which the patient would feel toward the doctor! His gratitude would be readily apparent; he would run to do the doctor’s every bidding. For the patient to speak a negative word about the doctor would be unthinkable.
?
Hashem has given man something which He has not given any other earthly creature — a speaking soul through which he can study Torah and perform other mitzvos, thus earning for himself eternal reward. By the strict measure of justice, a person who has used his
tongue hundreds of times to speak the forbidden should awaken one morning to find that he has lost his power of speech. However, Hashem, Whose compassion is boundless and Who is slow to anger, continues to grant this priceless gift as He awaits the person’s
repentance.
?
How can such a person persist in speaking loshon hora and other forms of evil speech? Is this how one expresses gratitude to the One Above?
?
Which craft should man pursue in this world? He should make himself like a mute. A person who has been guilty in the past of speaking the forbidden should forever bear in mind that it is only through the kindness of Hashem that he has not awakened one morning
to find himself a mute. Through such reflection, one will forever feel indebted to Hashem for His unceasing kindness and will surely refrain from forbidden speech
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Keep reading Day 87, the lesson for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
?
Day 87 – Providing Information
?
?Unlike the Shadchan (matchmaker) or advisor, a third party who is approached with specific questions about one of the parties is not offering advice. His primary concern, therefore, is not the sin of misleading others.
His main responsibility is to be honest, and to refrain from speaking that which might constitute loshon hora.
?
If asked whether the other party has a specific relevant shortcoming, it is certainly correct to tell the truth. For example, if one is asked about the person’s character, and is aware that he has an uncontrollable temper, this must be told,
濒’迟辞别濒别蝉 (for a constructive purpose). Of course, the preconditions for relating such information are required (second-hand information must be presented as such; constructive intent is required; and one may relate only that which is accurate and necessary).
?
If however, one is approached for information that on an objective level is irrelevant but in the eyes of this party is important, one is faced with a dilemma. To provide the information is, in effect, assisting in the unjustified abrogation of a potentially
successful shidduch. On the other hand, one does not have the right to mislead the party by way of false information, and in so doing, decide the person’s future for him without his knowledge. The Chofetz Chaim suggests that in such cases one defer
by saying,” I don’t know.” (Why this does not constitute falsehood will be discussed later.)
?
In summation then, if, for example, an eligible young man is insistent that the woman he marries be at least four years younger than he, should never have failed an exam in elementary school, or comply with some other stipulation of seeming irrelevance, one
who is asked concerning such matter should simply say, “I don’t know.” However, a
shadchan may not suggest someone who does not meet these terms without first consulting a rav.
?
?
SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
?
Study the Laws
?
There is another meaning to the description of the art of silence as a craft.
One who seeks to become a craftsman must study and train until he has mastered the skills of a given craft. There is no other way to become a true expert at one’s trade.
?
With regard to speech, one might be inclined to think: “Why must I study the laws of
shmiras haloshon in all their fine details? I will simply train myself to avoid conversation. That way, I will surely not transgress!’’ This is a mistake, for not always is silence desirable. In fact, there are even times when the
halachah requires that one relate negative information about a given individual! Therefore, one must study and know well the laws of speech in all their details, so that he will truly master the art of silence.
?
The Sages were very exacting in stating, “Which craft should man pursue in this world?’’ For one might mistakenly think: “It has been my way for many years to be careful in avoiding forbidden speech. I have more experience in this ‘craft’ than a real craftsman
has in his particular expertise! Shmiras haloshon is by now second nature to me; there is no longer any need for vigilance.’’
?
To preclude this false notion, the Sages state: “Which craft should man pursue
in this world?’’ to indicate that all man’s days in this world he must be alert to the pitfalls of forbidden speech.
? |
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Dedications and Sponsorships??????
?Do you know someone who needs a refuah shleima? A shidduch? Or perhaps a meaningful yahrtzeit is approaching? As a merit for a recovery from illness or for a departed
family member you can sponsor a daily email and have over 8,000 people, every day, learn and be inspired as a z’chus for your loved one. Please call
845-352-3505 #113 or email
lozeri@... to sponsor or for more information on other sponsorship opportunities.
|
|
|
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Today's Inspiration - Shavua tov!
God's Abundance
Said the Besht: "God's abundance fills the world at all times, sice there is no time above us; and it always seeks a channel through which it may descend unto men. If our words of prayer or learning are concentrated upon God, they unite with His abundance and form the channel through which it descends upon the world."
Source: Kether Shem Tov
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Dena Gottlieb
Alan Fitness
PRD