Today's Inspiration - Shavua tov!
Measure for Measure
Said Rabbi Hayim Haikel Amdurer: "We read: 'How shall Jacob stand, for he is small?' (Amos 7:2). This teaches us the following lesson: 'If Jacob possesses the knowledge that he is small, and if he subdues any sense of self-importance, he will stand. For the Lord will repay him in the same measure, and making Himself small,?He will provide for him? as for a son. But if Jacob holds his head high and forgets meekness, Providence, too, will hold back His abundance on High."
Source:The Hasidic Anthology
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Today's Inspiration - Shabbat shalom!
Outside and Inside
Rabbi Judah Zevi of Stretin remarked: "One should keep his special piety hidden; otherwise he is guilty of pride. The word? ??? 'I', which denotes the proud and haughty person, and ??? 'naught' which denotes the meek and humble one, have the same letters. But in the first word, the 'yud' is on the outside, while in the second word it is inside."
Source: Esser Tzachtzachoth
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 89 ¨C Vital Information
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One who knows of a shidduch in the making and has negative information about one of the parties has a responsibility ¨C in certain cases ¨C to offer this information without waiting to be asked.
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The commandment? ¡°Do not stand aside while your brother¡¯s blood is shed¡± (Vayikra 19:16) requires one to volunteer information if he is aware that one party in a proposed match has severe physical, psychological or spiritual shortcomings, which by objective
standards can be expected to interfere with the marriage, and that this information is being concealed from the other party.
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Once again, the conditions which permit speaking negatively for a constructive purpose must be fulfilled:
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(1) The information must be firsthand or clearly stated as secondhand and not verified.
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(2) It must clearly be a problem by objective standards (e.g. a debilitating disease in the person, or in the family if it is hereditary; severe psychological disorders; violent tendencies; major problems in hashkafa [outlook on basic issues of Jewish life];
an immoral lifestyle) and not a matter of personal opinion ¨C even if one feels certain that this is not what the other party wants. It must also be clear that the information is being concealed from the other party.
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(3) If it is possible to convince the party that is concealing the information, to come forth with it, that would be preferable.
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(4) The information is not to be exaggerated and only that which is necessary may be told.
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(5) One¡¯s intent must be to prevent a harmful situation from coming about and not to denigrate the party spoken about. Moreover, there must be a real possibility that the information conveyed will not be ignored, so that the constructive purpose will be realized.
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(6) No realistic alternative to conveying the information directly can be found.
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(7) No undue harm will be caused by informing the party of the problem. Should there be reason to suspect that the party, upon learning that it has been deceived, will denigrate the other party or seek revenge in some other way, one should not get involved.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Matter of Life and Death
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By exercising verbal restraint, one is saved from many sins: loshon hora, flattery, mockery and lying. He is also saved from verbal attack. There are numerous inestimable benefits of developing the quality of silence.
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People confide their private matters to a person who is known to guard his tongue, for he can be trusted to keep such information to himself.
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A wise man once said: ¡°When I hear someone speak evil of me, I remain silent, for I fear that would I respond in kind, I would then hear abuses that are worse than the previous ones.¡¯¡¯ Whenever a person is verbally attacked and responds in kind, the result,
invariably, is worse verbal attack.
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¡°Death and life are in the tongue¡¯s power¡± (Mishlei 18:21). The tongue can cause harm in a way that the sword cannot. The sword can kill only through direct contact with its victim, while the tongue can bring about the ruination of someone who is miles away.
Man was created with two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, but only one mouth, to indicate that he is obligated to limit his speech, for transgression through speech can occur quite easily, and with far-reaching consequences.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 90 ¨C Shidduchim and Other Relationships ¨C A Summary
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Returning now to our original three situations (Day 78), we may conclude that if one is aware of a negative factor that by objective standards renders the proposed relationship a mistake, he is obligated to speak up. However, if
by objective standards the factor does not lead to such a conclusion, but it may adversely affect the future of the people involved, one should not volunteer information about it, but one would have to respond truthfully when questioned specifically regarding
the topic under which that factor falls.
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If by objective standards the factor would have no bearing on the relationship, but it is clear that the other party would see it as an issue, one should not volunteer information about it and should suggest that the relationship be pursued.
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As a concluding note to this section, one must understand that the possible situations of constructive negative speech that could arise in the settings of family, friends, community, business, employment, education, etc. are endless. No book can possibly give
explicit instructions for dealing with them all. One¡¯s only recourse is to become fluent in the principles, develop an understanding of the concepts, and accustom himself to consulting a rav, so that he can meet the challenges that such situations bring with
them.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Protective Fence
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¡°The best medicine of all is silence¡± (Megillah 18a). ¡°A protective fence for wisdom is silence¡± (Avos 3:17). Silence is good for the wise, and surely for the unwise. One should guard his tongue like the apple of his eye, for one¡¯s mouth can be the source of
his ruination and the movements of his lips can endanger his soul. Thus it is written, ¡°One who guards his mouth and tongue guards his soul from tribulations¡± (Mishlei 21:23).
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Better to be told, ¡°Speak! Why are you so quiet?¡¯¡¯ than for others to find one¡¯s prattling burdensome and ask that he be silent.
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Scripture states: ¡°From that which lies within your bosom [i.e. your soul], guard the portals of your mouth¡± (Michah 7:5). The use of the term portals in reference to the mouth is instructive. An entrance to a house must be opened when necessary, but it cannot
be left open all day and all night; to do so would mean to leave the house open to thieves. Similarly, one cannot allow his mouth to be open indiscriminately.
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A person¡¯s most prized possessions are usually kept in a special vault, hidden away in an inner room and carefully guarded. As man¡¯s most prized function, the power of speech must be guarded with great care, and its greatest protection is the quality of silence.
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Sign Up Now for Mon. July 4th Jordan Valley Tour with General (Res.) Uzi Dayan
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Today's Inspiration - Chodesh tov!
The Surgeon and the Sinner
Said the "Yud": "In the same way that a surgeon may shed a man's blood in order to heal his body, a leader may shame a sinner even in public in order to cure his soul. And just as the surgeon may not operate when he knows it will not avail the sick patient, the leader may not shame a sinner when he knows that his rebuke will accomplish no good."
Source: Tifereth ha-Yehudi
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46th Anniversary of Mivtsa Yonatan and Happy Birthday America
Hi Everyone!
July 4th is the 46th Anniversary of Mivtsa Yonatan.
I created a page with images, newspaper headlines, videos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 88 ¨C Matters of Opinion????????????????????????
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Subjective questions about people are most difficult to answer:
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?¡°Is he a talmid chacham?¡±? ¡°Is she intelligent?¡±
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Each of these terms is relative, for at what point does a student of Torah become a ¡°talmid chacham,¡± and how does one measure intelligence? Lack of a definitive barometer is a problem with most character traits as well, making accurate evaluations in these
areas extremely difficult.
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Furthermore, we have seen that one may not provide information that could prevent a match from materializing unless the information provides valid basis for this. How, then, does one correctly provide information when asked?
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It is clear that it is unwise for a party to approach an acquaintance with a request for such information. In fact, the Chofetz Chaim says that such inquires warrant no response. However, one may bring such questions before a rav, rosh yeshiva, or seminary
dean, etc. who has the wisdom and experience to evaluate a situation properly and offer an appropriate response. Others who are approached with such questions may direct the person to the proper authority.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Best of All
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Shimon his [Rabban Gamliel¡¯s] son says: ¡°All my days I have been raised among the Sages and I found nothing better for oneself than silence¡± (Avos 1:17).
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R¡¯ Shimon is, in effect, saying: ¡°I was reared among the Sages and had the opportunity to glean from all their precious, sacred qualities. And of all those qualities, the art of silence is most outstanding.¡¯¡¯
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Alternatively, R¡¯ Shimon may have meant the following: The Sages were the wisest of men and surely did not engage in pointless conversation. Nevertheless, there was nothing, aside from speaking words of Torah, which they found more beneficial to themselves
than silence.
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R¡¯ Shimon was precise in saying: ¡°and I found nothing better for oneself ...¡± Man¡¯s corporeal existence in this world makes it virtually impossible for even the purest of souls to ensure that his every utterance is without flaw. This is why silence is so desirable.
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If such was true of the generation of R¡¯ Shimon, whose Sages were accustomed to speaking only words of true wisdom, then what of ourselves, whose minds are preoccupied with matters devoid of substance and meaning? If one¡¯s mouth will not be restrained by the
harness of silence, then invariably it will speak in the way that it has been accustomed since one¡¯s youth, and the loss will outweigh the gain many times over.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 87 ¨C Providing Information
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?Unlike the Shadchan (matchmaker) or advisor, a third party who is approached with specific questions about one of the parties is not offering advice. His primary concern, therefore, is not the sin of misleading others. His main
responsibility is to be honest, and to refrain from speaking that which might constitute loshon hora.
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If asked whether the other party has a specific relevant shortcoming, it is certainly correct to tell the truth. For example, if one is asked about the person¡¯s character, and is aware that he has an uncontrollable temper, this must be told, l¡¯toeles (for a
constructive purpose). Of course, the preconditions for relating such information are required (second-hand information must be presented as such; constructive intent is required; and one may relate only that which is accurate and necessary).
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If however, one is approached for information that on an objective level is irrelevant but in the eyes of this party is important, one is faced with a dilemma. To provide the information is, in effect, assisting in the unjustified abrogation of a potentially
successful shidduch. On the other hand, one does not have the right to mislead the party by way of false information, and in so doing, decide the person¡¯s future for him without his knowledge. The Chofetz Chaim suggests that in such cases one defer by saying,¡±
I don¡¯t know.¡± (Why this does not constitute falsehood will be discussed later.)
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In summation then, if, for example, an eligible young man is insistent that the woman he marries be at least four years younger than he, should never have failed an exam in elementary school, or comply with some other stipulation of seeming irrelevance, one
who is asked concerning such matter should simply say, ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± However, a shadchan may not suggest someone who does not meet these terms without first consulting a rav.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Study the Laws
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There is another meaning to the description of the art of silence as a craft. One who seeks to become a craftsman must study and train until he has mastered the skills of a given craft. There is no other way to become a true expert at one¡¯s trade.
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With regard to speech, one might be inclined to think: ¡°Why must I study the laws of shmiras haloshon in all their fine details? I will simply train myself to avoid conversation. That way, I will surely not transgress!¡¯¡¯ This is a mistake, for not always is
silence desirable. In fact, there are even times when the halachah requires that one relate negative information about a given individual! Therefore, one must study and know well the laws of speech in all their details, so that he will truly master the art
of silence.
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The Sages were very exacting in stating, ¡°Which craft should man pursue in this world?¡¯¡¯ For one might mistakenly think: ¡°It has been my way for many years to be careful in avoiding forbidden speech. I have more experience in this ¡®craft¡¯ than a real craftsman
has in his particular expertise! Shmiras haloshon is by now second nature to me; there is no longer any need for vigilance.¡¯¡¯
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To preclude this false notion, the Sages state: ¡°Which craft should man pursue in this world?¡¯¡¯ to indicate that all man¡¯s days in this world he must be alert to the pitfalls of forbidden speech.
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Today's Inspiration - Chodesh tov!
The Lord is God
Rabbi Baruch of Medziboz was informed of the many miracles accredited to the Lizensker. He said: "How utterly useless they are! When Elijah performed miracles, we are told tha that the people exclaimed: 'The Lord is God' (I Kings18:39). But nowadays the people grow enthusiastic over the reputed miracle-worler, and forget entirely to say: 'The Lord is God.' "
Source: Dor Deah
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The Philosopher's Counsel
Said the Besht: "A king was told that a man of humility is endowed with long life. He attired himself in old garments, took up his residence in a small hut, and forbade anyone to show reverence before him. But when he honestly examined himself, the king found himself ot be prouder of his seeming humility than ever before. A philosopher thereupon remarked to him: 'Dress like a king; live like a king; allow people to show due respect to you; but be humble in your inmost heart.' "
Source: Kether Shem Tov
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This seminar is definitely relevant to many families and the choice of speakers is excellent as these individuals have experience with dealing with this issue from a true Torah perspective and will probably have very practical advice and guidance.-hatzlacha!-
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 86 ¨C Advice
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The previous rules apply to the initiator of a shidduch, employment or business partnership.? Halacha classifies such a person as an advisor and requires that he not make the suggestion if he has reason to suspect that it may not
be in the best interest of either party.
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A similar set of rules applies to one who did not make the suggestion, but whose advice is sought by one of the parties.? He too must not be guilty of misleading the people involved.? In fact, his responsibility is even greater than that of the shadchan (matchmaker).?
Whereas the shadchan merely suggests that the shidduch be considered, the advisor often states a definitive opinion regarding the proposed relationship which may profoundly influence the party¡¯s final decision.
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Giving advice is not a matter to be taken lightly.? One does not give guidance unless he believes he understands the situation, and has the insight and life experience necessary to properly direct his petitioner.? One should never encourage a match he knows
nothing about for the sake of seeing to it that the person ¡°finally gets married.¡±? One may encourage a match only if he sincerely believes that it is good for both parties.
Thus, while the advisor¡¯s first obligation is to the party he is advising, it is forbidden for him to encourage a shidduch that he clearly knows is bad for the other party.? This would be considered speaking loshon hora in the form of speech that causes harm.
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It is forbidden for an advisor to discourage a relationship unless his disapproval is based on firsthand information that was carefully analyzed.
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Finally, if an advisor encouraged his petitioner to pursue a given shidduch but his advice was ignored, he may not draw the conclusion that the person ¡°just doesn¡¯t want to get married,¡± is ¡°incapable of making commitments,¡± or has ¡°unrealistic expectations.¡±?
To make such statements would be to speak loshon hora and perhaps hotzaas shem ra (slander).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Debt of Gratitude
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We can suggest another explanation of R¡¯ Yitzchak¡¯s teaching: ¡°Which craft should man pursue in this world? He should make himself like a mute.¡¯¡¯
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Suppose a person suddenly suffers a loss of speech. All the city¡¯s doctors are summoned to suggest a cure, but all fail. Finally, a renowned specialist is brought in from another city. He succeeds in curing the patient and refuses any offer of payment for his
services. Imagine the love and gratitude which the patient would feel toward the doctor! His gratitude would be readily apparent; he would run to do the doctor¡¯s every bidding. For the patient to speak a negative word about the doctor would be unthinkable.
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Hashem has given man something which He has not given any other earthly creature ¡ª a speaking soul through which he can study Torah and perform other mitzvos, thus earning for himself eternal reward. By the strict measure of justice, a person who has used his
tongue hundreds of times to speak the forbidden should awaken one morning to find that he has lost his power of speech. However, Hashem, Whose compassion is boundless and Who is slow to anger, continues to grant this priceless gift as He awaits the person¡¯s
repentance.
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How can such a person persist in speaking loshon hora and other forms of evil speech? Is this how one expresses gratitude to the One Above?
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Which craft should man pursue in this world? He should make himself like a mute. A person who has been guilty in the past of speaking the forbidden should forever bear in mind that it is only through the kindness of Hashem that he has not awakened one morning
to find himself a mute. Through such reflection, one will forever feel indebted to Hashem for His unceasing kindness and will surely refrain from forbidden speech
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ISO Information on Rebbe Dovid Abuchatzera
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Express PIANO CAMP for Girls 8 and up!
Your daughter will discover how fun and easy it is to play music she loves! Learn in just 4 days what it takes months of regular lessons to accomplish! Maximize Summer vacation to give your daughter a skill that will help her feel unique and confident. For beginners and up--various dates throughout July and August. For more info and to register for this hard-core and fast-paced fun piano experience, email pianomarko at gmail.com or call Naomi 0527121632
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Lev Psychotherapy
Jacob Richman
