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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 51 – Helping Others to Improve?
The first category of constructive purpose is to help the person about whom one is speaking.? There is a tendency among many to ignore the misconduct of others in favor of a “live and let live” attitude.? Let us first understand
why the Torah rejects this attitude.
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Every person is born with character flaws.? It is our mission in life to change, to grow, to strive for perfection and spirituality.? We all want to rid ourselves of our imperfections; people do want to be good.? What makes life so challenging is that negative
character traits are blinding.? We either lose sight of what our goals should be or rationalize to the point that we simply cannot differentiate between right and wrong.
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One of the greatest gifts Hashem has blessed us with is companionship:? friends, family, people around us who are close enough to care, yet distant enough to be objective.? To abstain from speaking up and offering one another reproof and guidance amounts to
depriving one another of one of the most valuable tools for personal growth.? We must get involved and, when necessary, even enlist the involvement of others in helping people through the struggles of life.? Remaining silent when reproof is called for is not
Shmiras Haloshon, it is depriving one’s fellow of his lifeline to self-improvement.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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More Lessons
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After hearing the slander of the other Spies, Calev and Yehoshua bin (son of) Nun responded to their sinful words:
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The Land that we passed through, to spy it out — the Land is very, very good! If Hashem desires us, He will bring us to this Land and give it to us ... But do not rebel against Hashem! You should not fear the people of the Land, for they are our bread. Their
protection has departed from them; Hashem is with us — do not fear them! (Bamidbar 14:7-9).
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They meant the following: The Spies’ contention that Hashem’s promise of the Land was conditional on their being tzaddikim was patently incorrect. Hashem does not say to a person, “I will help you, but only if you will be a tzaddik.’’ Rather, Hashem says, “I
will not help you if you rebel against Me.’’ This is the intent of the words, “But do not rebel against Hashem.’’ As long as a person does not flout Hashem’s will, he can still hope for His compassion.
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As to the Spies’ fearful descriptions of the mighty Canaanites, Calev and Yehoshua responded, “...for they are our bread.’’ Would a person be frightened by a giant-sized loaf of bread? Similarly, they argued, Hashem would not offer the Canaanites any protection
from the Jews, and as such they would be easily devoured, as it is written, “You will devour all the people that Hashem, your God, has delivered to you” (Devarim 7:16). Indeed, Scripture indicates that when the Jews, led by Yehoshua, crossed the Jordan River
and began their conquest, they found the giants of Canaan to be the most fainthearted of all.
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The lessons to be learned from this tragic episode are crucial to us all.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 49 – Harmful Information
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Condition #7:
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As noted above, the permissibility of speaking negatively for a constructive purpose is based upon the principle that it is not lowly to relate negative information for a positive reason.
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This applies only to information which is derogatory but harmless.? However, it is forbidden to relate harmful information for a constructive purpose.? The only exception to this rule is where one has determined that halachah allows for the subject to be harmed
in that manner.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Sin of the Spies
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In the second year of the Jews’ sojourn in the Wilderness, Moshe sent twelve great men, one from each tribe, to scout out the Land of Canaan in advance of Israel’s conquest of it. When they returned from their mission, ten of the Spies delivered a slanderous,
demoralizing report about the Land and the Jews’ ability to conquer it. The people accepted this report as fact and wept throughout the night.
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R’ Yochanan said: The Spies returned on the eve of Tishah B’Av. The Holy One, Blessed is He, said, “You wept in vain. I will establish it [i.e. this night] for you as a time of weeping for all generations” (Ta’anis 28b).
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God decreed that, because of this sin, the Jews would wander in the Wilderness for forty years and all adult males of that generation would not enter the Land (see Bamidbar chs. 13-14).
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How could the Spies, each one a leader among his people, have sinned so grievously? Where did they go wrong?
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The evil inclination uses contrasting approaches to entice people to sin. At times, it fills a person’s heart with arrogance, so that the person becomes convinced that he is among the God-fearing, or even among those who have true love of God, a yet higher
level. The person therefore sees no reason for self-improvement and is content with his mediocre service of Hashem.
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The evil inclination also employs an opposite approach. It can cause a person to dwell upon his past sins, though he has long repented and has ceased to repeat them. The person finds himself in a constant state of spiritual despair. When the opportunity for
a mitzvah presents itself, the person tells himself, “Such acts are befitting the righteous, not sinners like myself.’’
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It was such an attitude that was at the root of the Spies’ error, as we shall explain.
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???????????? Keep reading for Day 50, the learning for Shabbos
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
Day 50 – In Summation?
It is permissible to speak negatively about a person:
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(1)?? to help the person, or
(2)?? to help anyone victimized by the person, or
(3)?? to resolve major disputes, or
(4)?? to enable others to learn from the mistakes of that person, provided that:
(1)?? one’s remarks are based on first-hand information and careful investigation, and
(2)?? it is apparent that this person is wrong, and
(3)?? the person has been spoken to but refuses to change his behavior, and
(4)?? the statement to be made will be true and accurate, and
(5)?? the intent of the speaker is for a constructive purpose only (and there is a reasonable chance that the intended goal will be accomplished), and
(6)?? ?there is no alternative means by which to bring about the intended result, and
(7)?? ?no undue harm will be caused by the statement.
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The illustrations presented below (as well as those to be discussed in the section on rechilus [gossip]) serve to clarify the application of these conditions.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Despair and Slander
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After the Spies had scouted out the Land, they became filled with despair. They told themselves, “Conquest of this land requires great and awesome merit. Our generation, which made the Golden Calf and committed other sins, surely lacks such merit.’’ They convinced
themselves that Hashem’s promise to grant them the Land was conditional on their being tzaddikim, righteous people, and they felt sure that such was not their status.
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The Torah relates: “Calev silenced the people toward Moshe saying, ‘We shall surely ascend and conquer it, for we can surely do it!’ ” (Bamidbar 13:30). Our Sages explain that Calev at first posed as an ally of the Spies, so that they and the people would hear
him out. He began, “Is that all that the son of Amram has done to us?’’ Expecting a condemnation of Moshe, the people grew silent. Calev then continued, “He took us out of Egypt, split the sea, brought us the manna, and gathered together the quail” (Rashi
from Sotah 35a). Calev’s intent was: Had Hashem led the Jews according to the strict measure of justice, they would never have been granted the miracles which they had already witnessed and benefited from. Even as the sea split, some demonstrated a weakness
of faith, as it is written, “They rebelled at the sea, the Sea of Reeds” (Tehillim 106:7). The people had complained before being granted the manna and at other times as well. Calev assured the people that just as they had earned God’s compassion in the past,
so too would they witness the fulfillment of His promise to bring them safely into Eretz Yisrael.
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The Spies, however, were not convinced. Lest the people be swayed by Calev’s words, the Spies resorted to slander, casting aspersions upon the precious, sacred Land that was to have been their eternal inheritance.
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