Shalom Friends
Enjoy an insight to this weeks Parshah,
It's a video, click on the link and enjoy.?
Have a blessed week
Shoshanah Shear
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 90 – Shidduchim and Other Relationships – A Summary
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Returning now to our original three situations (Day 78), we may conclude that if one is aware of a negative factor that by objective standards renders the proposed relationship a mistake, he is obligated to speak up. However, if
by objective standards the factor does not lead to such a conclusion, but it may adversely affect the future of the people involved, one should not volunteer information about it, but one would have to respond truthfully when questioned specifically regarding
the topic under which that factor falls.
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If by objective standards the factor would have no bearing on the relationship, but it is clear that the other party would see it as an issue, one should not volunteer information about it and should suggest that the relationship be pursued.
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As a concluding note to this section, one must understand that the possible situations of constructive negative speech that could arise in the settings of family, friends, community, business, employment, education, etc. are endless. No book can possibly give
explicit instructions for dealing with them all. One’s only recourse is to become fluent in the principles, develop an understanding of the concepts, and accustom himself to consulting a rav, so that he can meet the challenges that such situations bring with
them.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Protective Fence
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“The best medicine of all is silence” (Megillah 18a). “A protective fence for wisdom is silence” (Avos 3:17). Silence is good for the wise, and surely for the unwise. One should guard his tongue like the apple of his eye, for one’s mouth can be the source of
his ruination and the movements of his lips can endanger his soul. Thus it is written, “One who guards his mouth and tongue guards his soul from tribulations” (Mishlei 21:23).
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Better to be told, “Speak! Why are you so quiet?’’ than for others to find one’s prattling burdensome and ask that he be silent.
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Scripture states: “From that which lies within your bosom [i.e. your soul], guard the portals of your mouth” (Michah 7:5). The use of the term portals in reference to the mouth is instructive. An entrance to a house must be opened when necessary, but it cannot
be left open all day and all night; to do so would mean to leave the house open to thieves. Similarly, one cannot allow his mouth to be open indiscriminately.
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A person’s most prized possessions are usually kept in a special vault, hidden away in an inner room and carefully guarded. As man’s most prized function, the power of speech must be guarded with great care, and its greatest protection is the quality of silence.
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Why Doubt Me?
The Premislaner commented upon the verse: " I will tell of the decree: the Lord said to me: 'You are My son; this day He said: "The man who suffers poverty complains of the harsh decree against him. The Lord answers him: "You are my son.' Doe the loyal son doubts his father's ability to support him? "Have I this day begotten you?' Who supported you until now? 'Ask of Me and I will give.' Hence, why do you complain? Why doubt Me?"
Source: Esser Ataroth
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Today's Inspiration - Chodesh tov!
Learn Service from Everything
Said the Kobriner: "The wise man learns how to serve the Lord from every phrase he hears, from every event he observes, and from every experience he shares. We read in Ecclesiastes 12:13: '(From) everything that is heard (learn how to) fear God.' "
Source: Or Yesharim
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 89 – Vital Information
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One who knows of a shidduch in the making and has negative information about one of the parties has a responsibility – in certain cases – to offer this information without waiting to be asked.
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The commandment? “Do not stand aside while your brother’s blood is shed” (Vayikra 19:16) requires one to volunteer information if he is aware that one party in a proposed match has severe physical, psychological or spiritual shortcomings, which by objective
standards can be expected to interfere with the marriage, and that this information is being concealed from the other party.
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Once again, the conditions which permit speaking negatively for a constructive purpose must be fulfilled:
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(1) The information must be firsthand or clearly stated as secondhand and not verified.
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(2) It must clearly be a problem by objective standards (e.g. a debilitating disease in the person, or in the family if it is hereditary; severe psychological disorders; violent tendencies; major problems in hashkafa [outlook on basic issues of Jewish life];
an immoral lifestyle) and not a matter of personal opinion – even if one feels certain that this is not what the other party wants. It must also be clear that the information is being concealed from the other party.
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(3) If it is possible to convince the party that is concealing the information, to come forth with it, that would be preferable.
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(4) The information is not to be exaggerated and only that which is necessary may be told.
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(5) One’s intent must be to prevent a harmful situation from coming about and not to denigrate the party spoken about. Moreover, there must be a real possibility that the information conveyed will not be ignored, so that the constructive purpose will be realized.
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(6) No realistic alternative to conveying the information directly can be found.
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(7) No undue harm will be caused by informing the party of the problem. Should there be reason to suspect that the party, upon learning that it has been deceived, will denigrate the other party or seek revenge in some other way, one should not get involved.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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A Matter of Life and Death
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By exercising verbal restraint, one is saved from many sins: loshon hora, flattery, mockery and lying. He is also saved from verbal attack. There are numerous inestimable benefits of developing the quality of silence.
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People confide their private matters to a person who is known to guard his tongue, for he can be trusted to keep such information to himself.
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A wise man once said: “When I hear someone speak evil of me, I remain silent, for I fear that would I respond in kind, I would then hear abuses that are worse than the previous ones.’’ Whenever a person is verbally attacked and responds in kind, the result,
invariably, is worse verbal attack.
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“Death and life are in the tongue’s power” (Mishlei 18:21). The tongue can cause harm in a way that the sword cannot. The sword can kill only through direct contact with its victim, while the tongue can bring about the ruination of someone who is miles away.
Man was created with two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, but only one mouth, to indicate that he is obligated to limit his speech, for transgression through speech can occur quite easily, and with far-reaching consequences.
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SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM
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Day 88 – Matters of Opinion????????????????????????
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Subjective questions about people are most difficult to answer:
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?“Is he a talmid chacham?”? “Is she intelligent?”
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Each of these terms is relative, for at what point does a student of Torah become a “talmid chacham,” and how does one measure intelligence? Lack of a definitive barometer is a problem with most character traits as well, making accurate evaluations in these
areas extremely difficult.
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Furthermore, we have seen that one may not provide information that could prevent a match from materializing unless the information provides valid basis for this. How, then, does one correctly provide information when asked?
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It is clear that it is unwise for a party to approach an acquaintance with a request for such information. In fact, the Chofetz Chaim says that such inquires warrant no response. However, one may bring such questions before a rav, rosh yeshiva, or seminary
dean, etc. who has the wisdom and experience to evaluate a situation properly and offer an appropriate response. Others who are approached with such questions may direct the person to the proper authority.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Best of All
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Shimon his [Rabban Gamliel’s] son says: “All my days I have been raised among the Sages and I found nothing better for oneself than silence” (Avos 1:17).
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R’ Shimon is, in effect, saying: “I was reared among the Sages and had the opportunity to glean from all their precious, sacred qualities. And of all those qualities, the art of silence is most outstanding.’’
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Alternatively, R’ Shimon may have meant the following: The Sages were the wisest of men and surely did not engage in pointless conversation. Nevertheless, there was nothing, aside from speaking words of Torah, which they found more beneficial to themselves
than silence.
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R’ Shimon was precise in saying: “and I found nothing better for oneself ...” Man’s corporeal existence in this world makes it virtually impossible for even the purest of souls to ensure that his every utterance is without flaw. This is why silence is so desirable.
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If such was true of the generation of R’ Shimon, whose Sages were accustomed to speaking only words of true wisdom, then what of ourselves, whose minds are preoccupied with matters devoid of substance and meaning? If one’s mouth will not be restrained by the
harness of silence, then invariably it will speak in the way that it has been accustomed since one’s youth, and the loss will outweigh the gain many times over.
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Today's Inspiration - Chodesh tov!
The Vessel
Said the Apter: " A man should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service of the Lord, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water."
Source: Menorah ha-Tehora
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