These are the times that try
men's souls
(Thomas Paine)
?
Yes, what a provocative minx,
Dame Fate is, because I actually said this line, These are the times that try
men's souls. It was during a bus strike actually.? And I was limping rather badly.? I was in some agony because I had a
corn.?
?
And I was walking to work from the railway and I also had
a cold.? And I was sucking a peppermint
which had no taste in it.? And it wasn't
quite a wild.? I realized that what had
happened was that my children, through some sense of humor, had realized the
close resemblance between a corn plaster and a peppermint with a hole in the
middle, and had switched them over.?
?
But having cured my corn, I
realized that to stop its recurrence I would have to have a scooter, because a
lot of people are having these scooters. I find they're very tiring on the
right leg all that sort of pushing back on the pavement.? But I did get along very well.
?
I'll try to keep the story as
brief as possible, just keep to the essentials.
?
I was in south Kensington and I
threw myself into a skid; and I came away from the scooter. And I couldn't get
the scooter's wheel; it had buckled.
?
I was quite near Nancy
Spain's.?? So I went in to ask Nancy
whether she could help me straighten the wheel, because she's stronger than I
am.
?
Nancy actually wasn't at home and
I was walking across the drawing room when I slipped on a globule of quince
jelly which was on the floor and struck my hip.
?
I'll try to cut out all the
superfluous bits. I struck my hip against the armchair.? And in reaching out to save myself I grabbed
a book on the bookshelf and it was Thomas Paine.?
?
And the page opened and there was
this line, these are the times that try men's souls, and somehow that line,
these are the times that try men's souls, stuck in my mind like a literary
fishbone.
?
And some time later, this was the
Thursday.? No it was the Friday because
we had fish. No, it was the .... No, it was the Friday.?? No it was the Wednesday, I remember, because
Mrs. Turret rang up.? No, she rang up on
a Tuesday.? No, it was a Saturday because
I was up in town and I was sitting opposite this chap in the railway
compartment.? And he was a smiling sort
of chap. He was reading one of those financial papers. And I could see that he
was happy. He was viewing the world through rose-tinted newsprint.? And he was quite happy.? and I got into conversation and asked him how
he was and he was going to see his income tax inspector.
?
And I said, sort of, how are
things, and he said, "Well I find this bus strike rather irksome because
I've worn out two pairs of shoes."
?
Well, then this line sort of
occurred to me and I said, "Well, These ARE the times that try men's
soles."
?
And he started to laugh. And it
so transpired that he laughed all the way to work and he went to his income tax
inspector and he came out of the building, still laughing, and was arrested for
being drunk, because he was laughing coming out of an income tax office. And
the shame killed him.?
?
And a month later, apparently, I
had the information from his solicitors that he'd died but that he'd left me a
small, but rather lovely plaster of paris bust of Lord Roberts in his will.
?
He's left this to me, as he said,
because, in the train, when he'd had those holes in his shoes, and I had said,
"These are the times that try men's souls"
It had brought him happiness. I
thought it was rather charming.
But you know, actually, it's
rather odd because I brought him a little Paine.
?
Frank Muir 580709a
?
Download at
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?2rt75kqd4dw6r23
