Four
Cornerstones of Social Awareness
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Achieving
social success is dependent upon certain core attributes of the person with
ASD. In our book, Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, my co-author Sean
Barron and I introduce four aspects of thinking and functioning we think
contribute the most to successful social awareness and social interactions.
These Four Cornerstones of Social Awareness are:
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Perspective-taking:
the ability to put ourselves in another person's shoes - to understand that
people can have similar or different viewpoints, emotions, and responses from
our own. At an even more basic level is acknowledging that people exist and
that they are sources of information to help us make sense of the world.
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Flexible
thinking: the ability to accept change and be responsive to changing conditions
and the environment; the mental ability to notice and process alternatives in
both thought and actions; the ability to compare, contrast, evaluate.
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Positive
self-esteem: a "can-do" attitude that develops through experiencing prior
success and forms the basis for risk-taking in the child or adult. Self-esteem
is built upon repeated achievements that start small and are concrete and
become less tangible and more complex.
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Motivation:
a sustained interest in exploring the world and working towards internal and
external goals, despite setbacks and delays.
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Often,
motivation needs to be encouraged in kids with ASD, especially within the
social arena. Let the child feel the benefits of motivation first through using
the child's favorite topics or special interests, and then slowly broadening
out into other activities. If the child loves trains, teach reading, math, and
wnting with train-centered books, examples, and activities. Play train-themed
games to motivate social interaction.
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Based
on the social understanding Sean and I have achieved in our lives, we
emphatically agree that perspective-taking, being able to look beyond oneself
and into the mind of another person, is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF
FUNCTIONING THAT DETERMINES THE LEVEL OF SOCIAL SUCCESS to be achieved by a
child or adult with ASD. Through it we learn that what we do affects others - in
positive and negative ways. It's the link that allows us to feel connected to
others. It gives us the ability to consider our own thoughts in relation to
information we process about a social situation, and then develop a response
that contributes to, rather than detracts from, the social experience.
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In
our book, Sean describes how "talk therapy," as he called it, helped
him develop better social thinking skills and appreciate the varied
perspectives of other people in his life. During his middle and high school
years, he and his parents would sit for hours, sometimes until 1:00 or 2:00
a.m., discussing the most basic concepts of how relationships worked. For instance,
Sean explains that even in his late teens, he still didn't understand why it
wasn't okay to "absorb" people who took a genuine interest in him and
showed they cared about him - that is, why it wasn't acceptable to spend all
the time he wanted with someone who was much older and had family and other
personal obligations. He couldn't understand why they wouldn't make him the
centerpiece of their lives, as did his parents.
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For
me, social thinking skills largely developed over time and through repeated
experiences. The more social data I put on my mental hard drive, the better
able I was to see the connections between my own thoughts and actions and those
of others. For me, these social equations were born from my logical mind:
"If I do X, then the majority of people will respond with Y." As I
acquired more and more data through direct experience, I formed categories and
subcategories and even more refined subcategories m my social thinking. That's
why it's so important for parents to engage children in all sorts of different
activities and experiences. Without that direct learning - and lots of it - children
don't have the information they need to make these social connections in their
thinking.
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Perspective-taking
works hand-in-hand with flexible thinking; it provides opportunities for
experiencing success in social interactions, which in turn fosters positive
self-esteem. It can also act as a source of internal motivation, especially as
children grow into adults and the type and quality of social interaction
expands.
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Social
THINKING skills must be directly taught to children and adults with ASD.
Parents, teachers, and service providers are slowly starting to realize the
importance of incorporating such lessons into the child's overall education
plan. Doing so opens doors of social understanding in all arenas of life.
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Temple
Grandin "The Way I See It: A Personal Look at Autism &
Asperger's" (2011)
