1. The fattest knight at?King Arthur's round table?was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.?
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be?an optical Aleutian.? 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.? 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it?was a?weapon of math disruption.?
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.? 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for?littering.? 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in?France?would result in Linoleum?Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.? 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police?are?looking into it.? 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11.?Atheism?is a non-prophet organization.?
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to?the?other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'? 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.? 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the?Grass.'?
15. The?midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium?at?large.? 16. The?soldier who survived mustard gas and?pepper spray?is now a seasoned?veteran.? 17. A backward poet writes inverse.? 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your?count?that votes.?
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 20. If you jumped off the bridge in?Paris, you'd be in Seine.? 21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The?stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion?allowed per passenger.'?
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and?says?'Dam!' 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in?the craft.?Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't?have your kayak and heat it too.?
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The?other?says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'? 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root?canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.?
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope?that at?least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
