Lesson 22. What I see is a form of vengeance.
Today's idea accurately describes the way anyone who holds attack thoughts in
his mind must see the world. Having projected his anger onto the world, he sees
vengeance about to strike at him. His own attack is thus perceived as self
defense. This becomes an increasingly vicious circle until he is willing to
change how he sees. Otherwise, thoughts of attack and counter-attack will
preoccupy him and people his entire world. What peace of mind is possible to him
then?
It is from this savage fantasy that you want to escape. Is it not joyous news to
hear that it is not real? Is it not a happy discovery to find that you can
escape? You made what you would destroy; everything that you hate and would
attack and kill. All that you fear does not exist.
Look at the world about you at least five times today, for at least a minute
each time. As your eyes move slowly from one object to another, from one body to
another, say to yourself:
I see only the perishable.
I see nothing that will last.
What I see is not real.
What I see is a form of vengeance."
At the end of each practice period, ask yourself:
Is this the world I really want to see?
The answer is surely obvious.
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Below, is from Kenneth Wapnick's commentaries on this lesson, from "Journey
Through the Workbook of A Course in Miracles," which can be purchased at the
following site:??~ M. Street
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Lesson 22. "What I see is a form of vengeance."
*This continues Lesson 21, which discussed anger and attack; specifically that
there are no differences among their many forms -- from annoyance to rage -- for
they all conceal the thought of separation and victimization. This lesson takes
those principles one step further.
It is extremely important as we proceed to keep in mind the impossibility of
being in this world without attack thoughts. If the world is made as an attack
on God, as Jesus says much later in the workbook (W-pII.3.2:1) -- to prove we
are right and He is wrong -- and if we identify with this world and the body, we
are an inherent part of that thought system of attack. Therefore, the very
concept of individual existence entails attack, if not murder, because in order
for there to be existence God had to be destroyed. Consequently, it is
impossible to identify with the body -- physically and psychologically --
without sharing the entirety of the ego thought system. Of the many words that
encapsulate the ego, <attack> is certainly high on the list.*
(1:1-2) "Today's idea accurately describes the way anyone who holds attack
thoughts in his mind must see the world. Having projected his anger onto the
world, he sees vengeance about to strike at him."
*As long as there are attack thoughts in our minds, we must see the world about
to take vengeance on us. The second sentence, which is the classic description
of projection, provides the reason. We all harbor attack thoughts, because,
again, our individual identity is based on it. Given its origin -- if I am to
exist, then God must be destroyed -- it rests on the principle of <one or the
other> or <kill or be killed>. We all believe we are sinful because we believe
we attacked God. This sense of sinfulness, along with the guilt that inevitably
follows from it, is so overwhelming it cannot be tolerated. The ego therefore
tells us to push sin and guilt into our unconscious and then project them out.
Furthermore, since the expectation of punishment is inherent in the very idea of
guilt, the world arises as the ego's means to prove we deserve to be punished,
unfairly treated, and victimized.
The beginning of our physical lives -- conception and birth -- is then seen as
proof that we are the innocent victims of what other people have done to us. We
are not here as a result of of our own choices, but of a biological accident.
This reflects the almost universal belief that we had nothing to do with our
birth. Everything that happens to us from the time we are conceived is seen in
the context of our being innocent victims of powers and forces beyond our
control. The ego will always interpret these powers and forces as some form of
attack on us, which the ego convinces us we deserve because of our original
attack on God.
This is the central idea of the lesson. In fact, without understanding this
unconscious dynamic one will not be able to understand A Course in Miracles --
either the thought system of the ego, or its undoing through the Holy Spirit. As
long as we believe we are separated, we believe we have attack thoughts, and
these attack thoughts <must> be projected out. We will further believe,
therefore, that others are doing, are about to do, or have already done to us
what we believe we originally did to God and to His Son.
We can certainly assume that Jesus' ongoing assignment to us as his student is
understanding these dynamics in the context of the lessons and exercises in the
workbook. He then asks us to apply the principles of their undoing --
forgiveness -- to our personal lives by recognizing how we manifest these ego
thoughts in our everyday behavior.*
(1:3) "His own attack is thus perceived as self defense."
*We forget we had the original attack thought, for we have projected it and now
see everyone and every aspect of the world poised to attack <us>. We therefore
feel justified in attacking in self-defense. This is the "face of innocence" I
mentioned earlier, a concept described in greater detail in many places in the
text (e.g., T-27.1;T-31.V). In Lesson 170 we shall see this concept of
self-defense elaborated on in more depth as well.*
(1:4-6) "This becomes an increasingly vicious circle until he is willing to
change how he sees. Otherwise, thoughts of attack and counter-attack will
preoccupy him and people his entire world. What peace of mind is possible to him
then?"
*Jesus says this <vicious circle> of attack and defense -- defense is always
counterattack -- cannot change until we change how we see. This means changing
how we think, because perception and thinking are one: <Ideas leave not their
source>. What we perceive outside is simply a shadow of what we first perceived
and made real in our minds. Whenever we feel at the mercy of forces beyond our
control -- forces within our bodies, the bodies of others, the laws of the world
or of nature -- we affirm the truth of the ego's thought system, which means
that the reality of God and the Love of God are untrue.
Again, once we begin with the premise that we exist as separate, individual
selves, it is impossible not to be trapped in this vicious circle of attack and
counterattack. There is no way out unless we change the premise of our thinking,
a process which is explained in more depth in Lesson 23.*
(2:1-2) "It is from this savage fantasy that you want to escape. Is it not
joyous news to hear that it is not real?"
*It is most definitely <not> joyous news if you still believe you exist and are
important, not to mention special. As long as you cling to your individual
identity, it is not joyous news to be told that you could escape from this. This
explains everyone's resistance to these lessons, both in understanding them and
certainly in applying them, not to mention resistance to what the text teaches.
It would be extremely helpful as you go along to identify how much you cling to
your self and the conviction you are right.*
(2:3-5) "Is it not a happy discovery to find that you can escape? You made what
you would destroy; everything that you hate and would attack and kill. All that
you fear does not exist."
*What we destroy is other people, as well as any other objects of our anger. We
made the world that we seek to destroy, and that we believe seeks to destroy us.
Everything we hate, would attack, and kill is part of our "savage fantasy," the
purpose of which is to prove our existence, but that someone else is responsible
for it. Once again, we perceive ourselves to be the innocent victims of what has
been done to us.
As you do this lesson, try to identify the fear and anxiety that arise as you
begin to think about what Jesus is saying. The next paragraph provides a good
opportunity for practicing this:*
(3:1-6) "Look at the world about you at least five times today, for at least a
minute each time. As your eyes move slowly from one object to another, from one
body to another, say to yourself:
I see only the perishable.
I see nothing that will last.
What I see is not real.
What I see is a form of vengeance."
*Do this exercise in front of a mirror and see how much you believe what you
say. As you gaze at a reflection of your separated self, and "I see only the
perishable"; "I see nothing that will last." If you do this properly and
thoughtfully, there is bound to be anxiety. If not, search your mind for your
defenses against it. As long as you think you exist, and are special, unique,
and important -- whether positively or negatively -- you will find these
lessons difficult and anxiety-inducing, and will need to identify the resistance
in yourself. Thus you will be better able to honestly address the final three
sentences.*
(3:7-9) "At the end of each practice period, ask yourself:
Is this the world I really want to see?
The answer is surely obvious."
*While the answer may be quite obvious to the right mind, to our egos this
perishable self is nonetheless <our> self, and so the unfortunate, yet honest
answer is: "Yes, I do want to see this." But again, we are still, to quote
Psychotherapy: Purpose, Process and Practice: "at the very start of the
beginning stage for the first journey" (P-3.II.8:5). There is much for us to
learn.*
