Lesson 20. I am determined to see.
We have been quite casual about our practice periods thus far. There has been
virtually no attempt to direct the time for undertaking them, minimal effort has
been required, and not even active cooperation and interest have been asked.
This approach has been intentional, and very carefully planned. We have not lost
sight of the crucial importance of the reversal of your thinking. The salvation
of the world depends on it. Yet you will not see if you regard yourself as being
coerced, and if you give in to resentment and opposition.
This is our first attempt to introduce structure. Do not misconstrue it as an
effort to exert force or pressure. You want salvation. You want to be happy. You
want peace. You do not have them now, because your mind is totally
undisciplined, and you cannot distinguish between joy and sorrow, pleasure and
pain, love and fear. You are now learning how to tell them apart. And great
indeed will be your reward.
Your decision to see is all that vision requires. What you want is yours. Do not
mistake the little effort that is asked of you for an indication that our goal
is of little worth. Can the salvation of the world be a trivial purpose? And can
the world be saved if you are not? God has one Son, and he is the resurrection
and the life. His will is done because all power is given him in Heaven and on
earth. In your determination to see is vision given you.
The exercises for today consist in reminding yourself throughout the day that
you want to see. Today's idea also tacitly implies the recognition that you do
not see now. Therefore, as you repeat the idea, you are stating that you are
determined to change your present state for a better one, and one you really
want.
Repeat today's idea slowly and positively at least twice an hour today,
attempting to do so every half hour. Do not be distressed if you forget to do
so, but make a real effort to remember. The extra repetitions should be applied
to any situation, person or event that upsets you. You can see them differently,
and you will. What you desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and
effect as it operates in the world.
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Below, is from Kenneth Wapnick's commentaries on this lesson, from "Journey
Through the Workbook of A Course in Miracles," which can be purchased at the
following site:??~ M. Street
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lesson 20. "I am determined to see."
*There are relatively few lessons like this in the workbook: Lesson 95 is
especially similar. Their importance lies not so much in the specific theme, as
much as it lies in Jesus explaining what he is doing in these exercises: how to
do them, and how not to do them. He begins by discussing the practice periods.*
(1:1-2) "We have been quite casual about our practice periods thus far. There
has been virtually no attempt to direct the time for undertaking them, minimal
effort has been required, and not even active cooperation and interest have been
asked."
*In other words, Jesus is being very gentle. He says: "Take a minute or two, and
if that is too much, take less. Do it two or three times a day. If that is too
much, do it less." He explains: *
(1:3-6) "This approach has been intentional, and very carefully planned. We have
not lost sight of the crucial importance of the reversal of your thinking. The
salvation of the world depends on it. Yet you will not see if you regard
yourself as being coerced, and if you give in to resentment and opposition."
*Thus Jesus tells us: "I am not trying to convince you that I am right and you
are wrong, nor am I trying to compel you to believe these concepts. I am being
gentle as I can, asking only that you go along with me, whether you believe in
this or not." This is not an argument. Since Jesus is not trying to prove that
you are wrong and he is right, you should not be trying to prove yourself right
and him wrong. Our <only> reason for reversing our thinking should <not> be
because of <him>, but because of <us>: we would feel better if we did. Becoming
happy is the motivation Jesus is trying to instill in us, as we shall see
presently. It is important to proceed as you would with a new pair of shoes: Try
them on and walk around for a while. If they feel comfortable, keep them; if
not, discard them. And so, pardon the pun, we are ready for the next step as
Jesus says: "I have not been giving you a lot of structure, <until> now":*
(2:1-5) "This is our first attempt to introduce structure. Do not misconstrue it
as an effort to exert force or pressure. You want salvation. You want to be
happy. You want peace."
*Motivation now is the focus. The ego's motivation is the exact opposite of
happiness. Everyone would <say> they want salvation, happiness and peace, but it
is always acquired at someone else's expense, an inevitably of the ego thought
system. If I am happy, I have to get something from someone else; if I have to
get something, someone will have less of it. This is the essence of the special
relationship, a term, incidentally, that does not appear at all in the workbook,
although clearly its hateful dynamics are reflected throughout. Jesus is thus
trying to tell us we really <want> salvation, which of course means we really
<want> to be free of our guilt. We really <want> to be happy and peaceful.*
(2:6) "You do not have them now, because your mind is totally undisciplined ..."
*If you have any questions about this, just think how difficult it is for you to
go around realizing that everything you see or react to is literally not there.
That provides some idea of the undisciplined nature of your mind. You can be
attentive right now and understand everything that is being said. Yet, it is
almost guaranteed that within minutes, if not seconds, you will return to your
old way of being: holding grievances, becoming upset about something, and
actually believing there is no connection between your thoughts and the images
you perceive. That is what Jesus means by being "undisciplined." He is not
rebuking us, but simply saying: "You must recognize that this is true. Otherwise
you will not let me help you." *
(2:6-8) "... and you cannot distinguish between joy and sorrow, pleasure and
pain, love and fear. You are now learning how to tell them apart. And great
indeed will be your reward."
*This is a major theme in A Course in Miracles, both here and in the text (e.g.,
T-7.X; T-7.X;T-8.II;T-19.IV-B.12-15). It has not been the first time we have
made this observation, nor will it be the last. It goes to the heart of Jesus'
attempt at motivating us to learn his course so that we would be truly happy and
joyful. Normally, what brings us joy and pleasure is getting what we want. We
think love is specialness -- having our needs met -- and we are not aware that
this is part of the ego system, and thus will only bring us guilt and pain.*
(3:1) "Your decision to see is all that vision requires. What you want is
yours."
*The problem is that we do not want to see, and so Jesus first has to help us
realize how much we do not want to, a wish that comes from the recognition that
if we see through his eyes we can no longer blame anyone. Seeing through his
eyes means that reality is not what we perceive outside, but his love for us,
the reflection of the reality of God's Love.
Thus we need to be aware of how much we do not want to give up our certainty
that we are right about our perceptions, because we certainly do not want to
give up our certainty about what we perceive inside -- our sinful and guilty
self. As painful as that self-image may be, it is still <my> selfishness, which
establishes <my> existence. I am reminded of one of Helen's favorite poetic
lines -- which she would misquote, by the way -- from Yeat's poem, "Aedh wishes
for the Cloths of Heaven": "Tread lightly on my dreams. They are my dreams. Yet
they are <my> dreams." *
(3:2-8) "Do not mistake the little effort that is asked of you for an indication
that our goal is of little worth. Can the salvation of the world be a trivial
purpose? And can the world be saved if you are not? God has one Son, and he is
the resurrection and the life. His will is done because all power is given him
in Heaven and on earth. In your determination to see is vision given you."
*The language in these passages is clearly biblical: New Testament terms and
descriptions of Jesus. He is God's Son, and "resurrection and the life," and
"all power is given him in Heaven and on earth." But Jesus is telling us here:
"Yes, this is true of me, but it is also true of you. Moreover the world cannot
be saved if your are not." It is obvious by now that this world is not external,
for Jesus' focus is always on the internal -- what we <think>. Again, we need to
be motivated to <think> differently, and thus to see differently.*
(4) "The exercises for today consist in reminding yourself throughout the day
that you want to see. Today's idea also tacitly implies the recognition that you
do not see now. Therefore, as you repeat the idea, you are stating that you are
determined to change your present state for a better one, and one you really
want."
*This is how Jesus begins the process of changing our motivation -- from guilt
to happiness. We do not want to see now because we believe vision will bring
pain. Only when we learn that it brings happiness will we want to change from
the ego's form of seeing.*
(5:1-2) "Repeat today's idea slowly and positively at least twice an hour today,
attempting to do so every half hour. Do not be distressed if you forget to do
so, but make a real effort to remember."
*Jesus is slowly and gently introducing us to the all-important concept of sin
vs error. To forget today's idea is not a sin, but merely an error or mistake
that we wish to correct <so that we shall feel better>. It is Jesus' gentle
teaching that undoes the ego's harshness, and provides us with a model of
kindness for <all> our interactions.
And finally:*
(5:3-6) "The extra repetitions should be applied to any situation, person or
event that upsets you. You can see them differently, and you will. What you
desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in
the world."
*If we see separation, vengeance, betrayal, or suffering, it is because we
<want> to see them. This desire is the cause, and what we see is the effect.
Jesus is trying to convince us that we really want to see differently. We
obviously are not as yet convinced.*
