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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Way of Moshe
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A son is required to totally remove himself from his father’s feud when he sees himself as powerless to resolve it. However, in a situation where a father has high regard for his son’s opinion and would allow him to bring the matter to a peaceful resolution,
the son is obligated to become involved.
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Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu Rabbah (ch. 21) states: “One cannot stand silently as his father and mother speak forbidden talk. If he will remain silent, the lives of all three may be cut short.’’1
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It is a mitzvah for every Jew to make peace between feuding parties. As the Mishnah states (Pe’ah 1:1), this is one of the deeds whose “fruits” one enjoys in this world but whose “principal” [i.e. primary reward] remains for the World to Come. Even if one side
is clearly wrong and is deserving of punishment for having initiated the dispute, and one has the power to bring this punishment upon this person, nevertheless, he should do everything in his power to resolve the matter peacefully. Such was the way of Moshe,
who strove to make peace with Dasan and Aviram, though he had the power to bring punishment upon them for their having brazenly opposed him. Thus does the Torah relate, “Moshe stood up and went to Dasan and Aviram” (Bamidbar?15:25),
to which the Sages comment, “From this we derive that one should not remain steadfast in dispute” (Sanhedrin 110a).
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Because Moshe went to the tents of Dasan and Aviram to make peace, he merited to save four righteous individuals, Ohn ben Peles and Korach’s three sons, from the sufferings of Gehinnom.
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1. Of course, he should intervene respectfully, in consonance with the stringent rules of kibud av v’em (honoring one’s father and mother — see Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah ch. 240). |
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Sons of Korach
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The sons of Korach were not drawn after their father’s rebellious ways, and thus were saved from the terrible punishment which befell him. As the Midrash comments (Yalkut Shimoni, Parashas Korach, ch. 16):
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Praiseworthy is the man (Tehillim 1:1): These are the sons of Korach. ...
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that walks not in the counsel of the wicked: who did not follow their father’s counsel, as it is written, “[Moshe told the people:] ‘Turn away now from the tents of these wicked men ...’ ” (Bamidbar?16:26).
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... and stood not in the path of the sinful: as it is written, “As for the fire-pans of these sinners against their [own] souls” (ibid. 17:3).
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... and sat not in the sessions of scoffers: This refers to Korach who scorned Moshe and Aharon.
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The Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni 752) relates that at one point the sons of Korach were in a dilemma. They were sitting with their father when Moshe appeared. They said to one another: “What shall we do? If we rise out of respect for Moshe, we will, in effect, be
showing disrespect for our father, and we are commanded to honor father and mother. If we do not rise, we will have transgressed the command to rise before a sage.’’ They decided to rise out of respect for Moshe. It was in this merit that they were saved,
for at that moment thoughts of repentance stirred in their hearts. Regarding them did David say, “My heart is astir with a good theme” (Tehillim 45:2).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Father and Son
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Even if the quarreler is one’s close relative, including his own father, he should, nevertheless, be exceedingly careful not to join the feud.
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Even if it appears that one’s father is correct in his contentions, one should seek to quell the dispute, rather than to strengthen his father’s hand against his adversary. Aside from the mitzvah of making peace between Jews, one should realize that it is impossible
to see things objectively when one of the parties involved is one’s parent. Sifre interprets the phrase, “...your friend who is like your own soul” (Devarim 13:7) as a reference to one’s father, whom one loves like his own self. Thus, deciding between the
positions of one’s father and his adversary is akin to deciding between the positions of oneself and one’s own adversary.
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If a father instructs his son to assist him in his dispute, his order must not be obeyed. For, as the halachah states (Yoreh De’ah 240:15), if a father commands his son to transgress even a Rabbinic decree, his order must be ignored, for both father and son
are obligated to honor the word of Hashem. This is especially true with regard to the severe sin of engaging in strife.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Don’t Get Involved
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Above, we discussed the seriousness of initiating and pursuing strife. One must also beware not to lend support to either party in a feud, lest he suffer along with them when their time of retribution arrives. As the Mishnah states: “Scripture punishes an accomplice
to transgressors like the transgressors themselves”
(Mishnah Makkos 1:7).
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The Midrash states (Bamidbar Rabbah 18:3): “Take heed of the severity of strife, for when one is an accomplice to strife, the Holy One, Blessed is He, brings about his end, as it is written [regarding those who sided with Korach], ‘A flame came forth from Hashem
and consumed the two hundred and fifty men who were offering the incense’ ” (Bamidbar?16:35).
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The Talmud states: “Rav said: Whoever maintains a dispute transgresses a negative commandment, as it is written, ‘... that he not be like Korach and his assembly ...’ ” (ibid. 17:5). Rav Asi said: Such a person is fit to be afflicted with tzaraas” (Sanhedrin
110a). In a previous chapter we cited the words of Sefer HaKaneh which state that at times God substitute’s poverty for tzaraas, thus placing the sinner at the mercy of his fellow men. |
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Disparaging a Torah Scholar
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While it is a sin to quarrel with any Jew, the sin is greater when one initiates a feud with a Torah scholar. And when one’s adversary is his own Torah teacher, the sin is magnified manifold.
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It is the way of warring parties to disparage one another, and it is regarding one who disparages a Torah scholar that our Sages apply the verse, “For he scorned the word of Hashem and broke His commandment; that person will surely be cut off, his sin is upon
him” (Bamidbar?15:31).
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The Talmud relates (Shabbos 119b) that the sin of shaming Torah scholars led to the destruction of Jerusalem, as it is written, “But they mocked the messengers of God, despised His words and scoffed at His prophets, to a point that the anger of Hashem rose
against His people, without any possibility of abatement” (II Divrei HaYamim 36:16).
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The Talmud further states: “R’ Yehoshua ben Levi said: Whoever speaks disparagingly of a deceased Torah scholar descends into Gehinnom” (Berachos 19a).
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Peace in Two Worlds
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Sefer Ma’alos HaMiddos (24) states:
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How damaging is strife! — it can imperil one’s very life. It was the feud between the shepherds of Avraham and the shepherds of Lot that caused Lot to move away from Avraham and settle in Sodom where he almost perished along with the rest of the Sodomites.
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Our Sages state (Derech Eretz Zuta ch. 9): “A home in which there is strife will ultimately be destroyed; a synagogue in which there is strife will see its congregants dispersed, and ultimately will be made desolate; a city in which there is strife will become
a place of bloodshed. Two Torah scholars in a single city or two rabbinical courts in a single city who feud with one another — their end will be death. Moreover, strife between rabbinical courts brings destruction to the world. For when there is peace among
God’s legions on this world, there is peace among the Heavenly legions, as it is written, “Who builds His upper chambers in the Heavens, and His union is established upon the earth” (Amos 9:6). When are His upper chambers “built’’? When “His union is established
on this earth,’’ meaning, when the Jewish nation is united in peace.
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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The Work of Satan
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Much of Satan’s efforts are directed toward inciting strife, and toward ensuring that once a feud has erupted, it does not end quickly. The Talmud relates:
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There were two people whom Satan regularly incited, so that at every twilight period [on the eve of Shabbos] they fought with one another. R’ Meir visited there and restrained them for three such twilight periods until he made peace between them. He subsequently
heard Satan say: “Woe, that R’ Meir has removed that one [i.e. Satan] from his house [i.e. from the place where he was previously welcome]!’’ (Gittin 52a).
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The Midrash states that the Hebrew word for ?“dispute” is an acronym for plague; ?wrath; affliction; curse; conclusion; for ultimately, strife brings destruction upon man.
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The greater the stature of the disputant, the greater is his sin. This is why the Torah underscores the fact that those who joined Korach in his rebellion were “leaders of the assembly, those summoned for meeting, men of renown” (Bamidbar 16:2)
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Self-Destruction
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In his last will and testament, Rambam writes: “Prophets prophesied and wise men spoke many words of wisdom regarding the wickedness of strife — and they did not plumb its full depth.’’ Thus, any attempt to fully describe the great destructiveness of strife
will be insufficient. We will therefore offer only brief citations concerning this matter, and allow the man of intellect to ponder it further.
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The Midrash states:
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R’ Berechiah said: How destructive is strife! The Heavenly Court does not exact punishment [from the living] until the age of twenty; the [Jewish] courts on this earth do not punish until the age of thirteen [for a male]; yet in the dispute involving Korach,
infants were swallowed up into the abyss, as it is written, “... with their wives, children, and infants ... The earth opened its mouth and swallowed them and their households .... they and all that was theirs descended alive to the pit” (Bamidbar?16:27,
32-33).
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The Sages taught: Four are classified as “wicked’’: one who extends his hand to strike his fellow, even if he does not actually strike him; one who borrows and does not repay; a brazen person who has no sense of shame before those of greater stature than himself;
and one who engages in strife. Regarding this last sinner, it is written, “Turn away now from the tents of these wicked men [i.e. Korach and his group]’’ (ibid. v. 26).
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How much inner shame should one feel for having been the cause of dispute! Would a person not be unforgiving if someone called him a rasha (wicked person) even in private, with no one else present? Should not a person be overcome with shame for having caused
himself to be deserving of this description?!
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SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON
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Run for Your Life
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Anyone whose heart is touched by fear of God should not sit himself among a group unless he is certain that its members are careful in matters of speech. One should flee from a group of idle chatterers like from a fire. Why should one sit himself among people
when he knows that he will be obligated to reprove them for speaking the forbidden? And if he will listen to their talk and remain silent, then he too will incur punishment. In the words of Rabbeinu Yonah (Sha’arei Teshuvah 3:197):
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Suppose a person hears others speak loshon hora, or vulgarities, or he finds himself among scoffers who speak disgracefully about the Torah and its mitzvos. Knowing that these people are stubborn and defiant, and that they will ignore any reproof, he chooses
to remain silent. He will be punished for not rebuking them, for people may interpret his silence as agreement with what they have spoken. He is therefore obligated to respond to their words and rebuke them sharply, to demonstrate respect for the Torah and
mitzvos which they have shamed, or for the righteous individual against whom they have spoken. This obligation is one of the factors which require a person to leave the company of the wicked, lest he listen to their evil talk and refrain from responding. Thus
did King Shlomo state: “Do not envy men of evil, do not desire to be with them. For their hearts think of plunder, and their lips speak of wrongdoing” (Mishlei 24:1-2).
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Alan Fitness
