-=-Her dad has recently admitted he needs to not be so defensive over her and trust me more with her. -=-
WORD ALERT!
"Admitted."
I guess that before, the mom told him to not be defensive and to trust her, but he had denied it.
After more pressure, he has "admitted" ¡ªconfessed in a pre-prepared statement.
?
-=-I need some help because what I am doing is not helping and she is not really willing to change.-=-
I don't think the family is unschooling, and I'm not sure why she asked us, but since the 1990s there have been instances of people with difficult questions going to the unschoolers, no matter how much they were critical or avoidant before.??
It seems the mom isn't willing to change, although I hope the calm persuasiveness of those who posted before me has her thinking, and considering her own role in the awkward, untrusting situation.
"Stop doing what's not helping" is the step before "and now what?" If she were an unschooler, she would already have access to an array of "now what"s.
-=-She says it's because of her mom but I sometimes can't tell if that has become an excuse.-=-
Why would she say "it's because of my mom" unless someone was asking her "why are you doing this?"? Another clue in the word choice.? ?Reasons and causes are not excuses.? They are realities.? Even if her mom were to go to the work of recovery, it would not change the daughter's trauma from before.? That isn't "becoming" an excuse.? It is a reality upon which the step-mom could pour compassion.??
Having three other kids in the house must make it difficult to do that.
-=-I have noticed when someone tells her a particular reaction is normal she will use that reaction because it has been "okayed". Any Advice will be greatly appreciated.-=-
?
Parents often continue to do what they think other parents do, or what they "can" or "should" or "have to" do, by one traditional method or voice or another.? If someone tells her that it's normal for a parent to demand respect, or to call someone out for attitude, or not to want her to have special privileges (being close with her own dad, while he might be a stepdad to one or two of the others...)... IF a parent is told a particular action is normal, they might continue to use it because it has been okayed.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd