On Tue, Dec 20, 2022 at 08:07 AM, Lollizah wrote:
What kinds of questions should I be asking in these mild interchanges?
None; she's four years old.
When DD is angry to the point of rage, I will tell her "I know it's hard to feel out of control and I will ride this wave with you."? Or things like "I see you are angry and I will help you through this." Or "I feel jealousy sometimes too. I will be here with you."
Way too many words.? A mountain of words too many, for a four year old.? Too many for an adult who hasn't paid you for counseling.
I despise those "active listening" speeches.? They are for therapists to use, not for parents, friends or partners to use.
She has always had a strong preference for me, and honestly, I just don't see why she can't accept love from both of us! Help me see this.
She is four.? She's barely out of infancy.? It is natural for young children to prefer their mothers.??
I am the one who has this gut reaction that it is ridiculous to ask a preschooler where to sit
The word "ridiculous" inspires me to point out to people how strong a term it is, and how damaging and dismissive.
You not only thought it, but you wrote it down and shared it (probably without conscious awareness that you were doing so, or what it means¡ªdon't feel too bad, but do try to catch yourself next time, earlier.? And someday, catch yourself before you even think it.
Maybe read this in small installments, but if you DO want help seeing what could be confusing you, try to work through it over a few days or a week.? If it makes you defensive, breathe. :-)? Think about why you would prefer to keep "ridiculous" even if it could be harming real lives and relationships.
Sandra
